DH is saying the "b" word again. ..vent

Re: DH is saying the "b" word again. ..vent

• Inkdancer member

  

  January 2015

  Oh my god, I wish. DH keeps wanting to put it off. I am desperate for a baby... my ovaries are screaming!
  

  

  

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• larrygaga member

  

  January 2015

  I'm doing that and I would be upset if FI had to vent about it. Talking and wanting something is okay. He's allowed to hope for it sooner. What he wants is just as important as what you want. 

  
  

  Also, what if you never get financially better off or what if your career doesn't go the way you planned? Then you just made him wait for nothing.

  
  

  I'm not saying conceive RIGHT NOW. I'm trying to make this a fair fight. I say compromise. What about waiting two years instead of several? 

  
  

  He doesn't have the right to make you have a baby when he wants. You do. You can have your baby whenever you feel like it. (barring legal, ethical, moral and health issues) How fair is that to him?

  
  

  But mostly, isn't he allowed to push for what he wants? Just like you are allowed to ask to wait for awhile, he is allowed to push back. Marriage and parenting are all about compromise, and no one side should get a say over another.

  
  

  Hear him out, attempt to find a place where you are both happy. Don't just say NO WE CAN'T UNTIL THIS TIME. Shutting him down like that is really shitty. He does understand where you are coming from, now understand where he is coming from.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• cupcait927 member

  

  January 2015

  H says that he wants to wait until we're at least 30 (both 28 now), if not longer, but I have a strong feeling that he's saying that more for my benefit. He knows I want to wait quite awhile and respects that but I could probably go home tonight and say "put a baby in me!" and he'd be ecstatic. He wants kids, and to be a dad, and do the whole parent thing.  I will honestly not be surprised in the least if he starts talking about having babies by the end of the year.

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• VulgarGirl member

  

  January 2015

  I totally thought this was gonna be about your DH calling you a bitch.

  
  

  We talked a lot about having kids before we were really ready to start trying. We talked about where we'd live, where'd we work, how we'd do the working mom thing, we looked at it from every angle. 

  
  

  And we went back and forth, she was ready when I wasn't, then I was ready but she wasn't, it took awhile for us to both be ready completely. And she did have to pull the trigger and go "After the wedding, we're starting", because that's what I needed. I wanted her to be the trigger puller because she's the one actually getting pregnant.

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• WhatawagSBNy member

  

  January 2015

  One way to look at this is that you plan to have everything in place, money, house and grad degree before trying.
  
  Another is that when you finally move and start a career, will you want two more years to get a solid start? And will you be ready to completely drop the career for 1 to 3 years or more of only part time work if that is how it comes out? Because many babies need more care than day care. Places hiring someone with 2 years of experience may give you leave and schedule flex, or you may find that glass ceiling above.
  
  Maybe hubby feels the need to support your prepare everything first plan. But would like to have a family started while you school and work part time.
  Give only half time to outside the home while baby is young, and when you do get on the career track again, full speed ahead with a preschooler or two.
  You see maybe a two year wait. He feels it could become a four or five year wait.
  
  Food for thought. Your mutual decision, you and DH.

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• Chipmunk415 member

  

  January 2015

  To clarify- we'd originally agreed to start trying when I turn 30 in November of 2016 or shortly before then. For the past 6 months weve been living solely on my income; before that he was using the rest of his gi bill towards some grad classes. Now that he's back to work I want us to really sock some cash away. Although we mutually agreed to take a hard look at the finances and figure out what to set aside for the house fund and the baby fund, DH's whole attitude right now seems to be "lets get a house and make babieeees!" Without doing the advance planning.
  
  
  I guess im also kinda digging my heels in because batshit crazy coworker told me on my 28th bday that I needed to have kids immediately and that waiting till or past 30 to give birth was a travesty, id have difficult pregnancies and oh yeah that kids born after 30 tend to have more complications (ie in her mind, birth defects). I dont want that crazy bitch getting any idea that she influenced when we have kids but I guess I need to get over that and ignore her crazy.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015 edited June 2015

  
  

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• WhatawagSBNy member

  

  January 2015

  Emotions and common sense planning often tell a person different things. DH may agree 100% on the sensibility of waiting. And desperately want a baby in his arms and yours.
  
  I do not know where he did his service. DH did med.-evac overseas, I was stateside medical and PT for returning wounded.
  
  Immediately after some grad school each, we suddenly both wanted a child. Or six. Did not work out immediately, but our priorities as both planners wanting financial security shifted to kids now, not later. Sometimes later does not come, and military personnel often see that .

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  January 2015

  Your husband really shouldn't be calling babies bitches.

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• ashley8918 member

  

  January 2015

  lolo883 said:

  Your husband really shouldn't be calling babies bitches.

  I mean, sometimes, when they shit directly on your hands or something...

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