"Black Tie" printed on the invitation? on the insert card as extra information? or not at all?

Re: "Black Tie" printed on the invitation? on the insert card as extra information? or not at all?

• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2015

  On the bottom right corner of your invite you put "Black Tie."  I am going to assume that your event is truly black tie and not that you just want everyone to dress all spiffy for your wedding.

  
  

  Other then noting that the wedding is black tie you should not be stating or dictating attire to any other event.  The information you provide about the other events like such as what guests will be doing or what is planned is enough for your guests to figure out what to wear.

  
  

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• blabla89 member

  

  January 2015

  If your wedding meets all the criteria for black tie formality, then you can print "black tie" on the bottom corner of the invitation. Please, please don't put an insert about what your guests are supposed to wear.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• kathyandtonywedding member

  

  January 2015

  Thanks!  like the idea of not having to put "casual" on everything too.  Cheers, Kathy

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• Viczaesar member

  

  January 2015

  kathyandtonywedding said:

  Thanks!  like the idea of not having to put "casual" on everything too.  Cheers, Kathy

  I don't understand.  What would you be putting "casual" on?
  

  
  
  
  

  Report4 Reply
• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2015

  Are you actually haviing a Black Tie Wedding?
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  You do realize that all of your male guests must wear tuxedos if you put "black tie" on your invitation, and the ladies must wear gowns?

  

  Report1 Reply
• KatWAG member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  @kathyandtonywedding are black tie weddings normal in your social circle?

  Are you having an evening wedding? Multi course, plated meal? Top Shelf, open bar? Multiple passed HDVs? Live band? live music at the ceremony and cocktail hour? paying for valet? Heavy card stock and letter pressed invitations preferably with calligraphy? And these are just a few of the requirements of a black tie wedding

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.

   

  

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• LtPowers member

  

  January 2015

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• KatWAG member

  

  January 2015

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  
  Well it is not simply an attire, so you would be wrong. Black tie is a type of event.

  

  Report3 Reply
• redoryx member

  

  January 2015

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  
  It's a common mistake, but KatWAG is correct. Black Tie IS a level of attire but issue comes when a host is *requesting* or *telling* guests to wear black tie to a non-black tie level event.

  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2015

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  I figured as much.  It's a common mistake around here. . . we really need a Black Tie Sticky so I don' have to keep dredging up old posts.
  
  OP, Black Tie is an event NOT a description of attire.  Your reception must have all of the following, at a minimum, to be considered a black tie event:
  

  • Event begins after 6pm
  • High end, indoor venue
    
  • Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
  • Gloved service
  • Hand passed hor d'ourves
    
  • Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
    
  • Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
  • Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
  • Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
  • High end decor and custom lighting

  If you are not actually having a black tie event, please do not put that on your invitations.  If you are having a very formal wedding, you still do not put anything regarding attire on your invitations- it's rude as adults can dress themselves and how your guests dress will not effect you in any way.

  You let your guests know the level of formality of your event through the invitations you use and if you have a wedding website you can add pictures of the venue.  Most guests will Google your reception venue when they receive their invitation to determine how they should dress.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report7 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2015

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  I figured as much.  It's a common mistake around here. . . we really need a Black Tie Sticky so I don' have to keep dredging up old posts.
  
  OP, Black Tie is an event NOT a description of attire.  Your reception must have all of the following, at a minimum, to be considered a black tie event:
  

  • Event begins after 6pm
  • High end, indoor venue
    
  • Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
  • Gloved service
  • Hand passed hor d'ourves
    
  • Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
    
  • Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
  • Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
  • Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
  • High end decor and custom lighting

  If you are not actually having a black tie event, please do not put that on your invitations.  If you are having a very formal wedding, you still do not put anything regarding attire on your invitations- it's rude as adults can dress themselves and how your guests dress will not effect you in any way.

  You let your guests know the level of formality of your event through the invitations you use and if you have a wedding website you can add pictures of the venue.  Most guests will Google your reception venue when they receive their invitation to determine how they should dress.
  

  And you can still have all these elements but not state black tie on the invitation.  This way you won't force your guests to have to buy/rent a tux or gown to attend your wedding.  Unless your circle is used to and attends black tie events regularly I tend to think it a bit much to have such an event.  By all means have all the fancy elements but to then make your guests dress in black tie attire just because you want that look is a bit, I don't know, not nice.

  
  

  Report6 Reply
• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2015

  Maggie0829 said:

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  I figured as much.  It's a common mistake around here. . . we really need a Black Tie Sticky so I don' have to keep dredging up old posts.
  
  OP, Black Tie is an event NOT a description of attire.  Your reception must have all of the following, at a minimum, to be considered a black tie event:
  

  • Event begins after 6pm
  • High end, indoor venue
    
  • Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
  • Gloved service
  • Hand passed hor d'ourves
    
  • Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
    
  • Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
  • Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
  • Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
  • High end decor and custom lighting

  If you are not actually having a black tie event, please do not put that on your invitations.  If you are having a very formal wedding, you still do not put anything regarding attire on your invitations- it's rude as adults can dress themselves and how your guests dress will not effect you in any way.

  You let your guests know the level of formality of your event through the invitations you use and if you have a wedding website you can add pictures of the venue.  Most guests will Google your reception venue when they receive their invitation to determine how they should dress.
  

  And you can still have all these elements but not state black tie on the invitation.  This way you won't force your guests to have to buy/rent a tux or gown to attend your wedding.  Unless your circle is used to and attends black tie events regularly I tend to think it a bit much to have such an event.  By all means have all the fancy elements but to then make your guests dress in black tie attire just because you want that look is a bit, I don't know, not nice.

  All this^
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• dcbride86 member

  

  January 2015

  Interesting - I didn't know black tie had to be indoors.  It makes a lot of sense, of course, I just never knew that requirement. 

   

  And @maggie0829 is correct - my wedding has almost all of these elements (except that it is starting just before 6), but it is not black tie.  It is just a formal wedding. 

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2015

  dcbride86 said:

  Interesting - I didn't know black tie had to be indoors.  It makes a lot of sense, of course, I just never knew that requirement. 

   

  And @maggie0829 is correct - my wedding has almost all of these elements (except that it is starting just before 6), but it is not black tie.  It is just a formal wedding. 

  Some of the lines on the requirements are starting to be blurred0 like indoor vs outdoor venue, and having a DJ vs a live band, but it's better to be safe and not call an event black tie unless you are hitting all of these checkboxes.
  
  I also had a very formal, near black tie wedding and for the most part I don't recall what a single person wore!
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report3 Reply
• ohannabelle member

  

  January 2015

  Truly something to consider- "black tie" is actually a shortened version of "black tie required."

  
  

  Unless your event is so formal, so 5 star over the top elegant that your male guests would actually feel awkward and uncomfortable not wearing a tuxedo, or unless the venue actually requires it- as in, gentlemen not wearing dinner jackets will not be admitted (and I don't believe there are very many places that still require that degree of formality) I would not.

  
  

  If a guest would be just as appropriately dressed in a suit and tie, it isn't truly a black tie event. If a woman, likewise, showed up in a beautiful beaded knee length dress, would she feel inappropriately underdressed? Because there are very few events, even in a major city, where this is the case. Maybe the gala opening night of the season at major opera houses. State dinners. Things like that. 

  
  

  So will your guests genuinely feel underdressed and awkward without dinner jackets (tuxes, if you prefer to call them that) and floor length gowns? Is it a requirement for the venue?

  
  

  Or do you just feel the need to let people know that you're having a formal evening event? 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report7 Reply
• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2015

  ohannabelle said:

  Truly something to consider- "black tie" is actually a shortened version of "black tie required."

  
  

  Unless your event is so formal, so 5 star over the top elegant that your male guests would actually feel awkward and uncomfortable not wearing a tuxedo, or unless the venue actually requires it- as in, gentlemen not wearing dinner jackets will not be admitted (and I don't believe there are very many places that still require that degree of formality) I would not.

  
  

  If a guest would be just as appropriately dressed in a suit and tie, it isn't truly a black tie event. If a woman, likewise, showed up in a beautiful beaded knee length dress, would she feel inappropriately underdressed? Because there are very few events, even in a major city, where this is the case. Maybe the gala opening night of the season at major opera houses. State dinners. Things like that. 

  
  

  So will your guests genuinely feel underdressed and awkward without dinner jackets (tuxes, if you prefer to call them that) and floor length gowns? Is it a requirement for the venue?

  
  

  Or do you just feel the need to let people know that you're having a formal evening event? 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Ah, this is great to know!!!!
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• LtPowers member

  

  January 2015

  ohannabelle said:

  Truly something to consider- "black tie" is actually a shortened version of "black tie required."

  
  

  Unless your event is so formal, so 5 star over the top elegant that your male guests would actually feel awkward and uncomfortable not wearing a tuxedo, or unless the venue actually requires it- as in, gentlemen not wearing dinner jackets will not be admitted (and I don't believe there are very many places that still require that degree of formality) I would not.

  
  

  If a guest would be just as appropriately dressed in a suit and tie, it isn't truly a black tie event. If a woman, likewise, showed up in a beautiful beaded knee length dress, would she feel inappropriately underdressed? Because there are very few events, even in a major city, where this is the case. Maybe the gala opening night of the season at major opera houses. State dinners. Things like that. 

  
  

  So will your guests genuinely feel underdressed and awkward without dinner jackets (tuxes, if you prefer to call them that) and floor length gowns? Is it a requirement for the venue?

  
  

  Or do you just feel the need to let people know that you're having a formal evening event? 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  State dinners are usually white tie, aren't they?

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• indianaalum member

  

  January 2015

  Maggie0829 said:

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  I figured as much.  It's a common mistake around here. . . we really need a Black Tie Sticky so I don' have to keep dredging up old posts.
  
  OP, Black Tie is an event NOT a description of attire.  Your reception must have all of the following, at a minimum, to be considered a black tie event:
  

  • Event begins after 6pm
  • High end, indoor venue
    
  • Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
  • Gloved service
  • Hand passed hor d'ourves
    
  • Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
    
  • Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
  • Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
  • Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
  • High end decor and custom lighting

  If you are not actually having a black tie event, please do not put that on your invitations.  If you are having a very formal wedding, you still do not put anything regarding attire on your invitations- it's rude as adults can dress themselves and how your guests dress will not effect you in any way.

  You let your guests know the level of formality of your event through the invitations you use and if you have a wedding website you can add pictures of the venue.  Most guests will Google your reception venue when they receive their invitation to determine how they should dress.
  

  And you can still have all these elements but not state black tie on the invitation.  This way you won't force your guests to have to buy/rent a tux or gown to attend your wedding.  Unless your circle is used to and attends black tie events regularly I tend to think it a bit much to have such an event.  By all means have all the fancy elements but to then make your guests dress in black tie attire just because you want that look is a bit, I don't know, not nice.

  I agree with this. Unless you run with a "black tie" crowd, don't do it. Feel free to do all the nice things for your guests, but don't require THEM to wear black tie. It is expense that many people cannot randomly afford.

  
  

  One of my friends had a "black tie optional" wedding---yes, I know now what is wrong with that statement, BUT I had never had one that even said that, so it totally stressed me out. I was worried to death that my dress wouldn't be fancy enough and I had to spend unnecessary money buying the said dress when I had plenty in my closet for normal weddings. When I asked her what to wear, she said some women would wear ball gowns...which further stressed me out. Truth be told, I didn't see a single woman wearing a ball gown, so i am glad I didn't go that route

  
  

  moral of story...unless your crowd has the funds for black tie and are accustomed to black tie, don't do that to them. It will just stress them out. I almost skipped her wedding due to the stress of not being good enough to attend

  Report1 Reply
• ohannabelle member

  

  January 2015

  LtPowers said:

  ohannabelle said:

  Truly something to consider- "black tie" is actually a shortened version of "black tie required."

  
  

  Unless your event is so formal, so 5 star over the top elegant that your male guests would actually feel awkward and uncomfortable not wearing a tuxedo, or unless the venue actually requires it- as in, gentlemen not wearing dinner jackets will not be admitted (and I don't believe there are very many places that still require that degree of formality) I would not.

  
  

  If a guest would be just as appropriately dressed in a suit and tie, it isn't truly a black tie event. If a woman, likewise, showed up in a beautiful beaded knee length dress, would she feel inappropriately underdressed? Because there are very few events, even in a major city, where this is the case. Maybe the gala opening night of the season at major opera houses. State dinners. Things like that. 

  
  

  So will your guests genuinely feel underdressed and awkward without dinner jackets (tuxes, if you prefer to call them that) and floor length gowns? Is it a requirement for the venue?

  
  

  Or do you just feel the need to let people know that you're having a formal evening event? 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  State dinners are usually white tie, aren't they?

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  They actually might be either, and also depends on which country is having a state dinner. Different protocols in different countries.

  The US does both, with black tie more often. Once upon a time, almost exclusively white tie, but that changed post-Johnson administration. 

   A dinner for a foreign diplomat might be black tie, a dinner for the president of the same country, might be white tie. 

  Report0 Reply
• dcbride86 member

  

  January 2015

  LtPowers said:

  ohannabelle said:

  Truly something to consider- "black tie" is actually a shortened version of "black tie required."

  
  

  Unless your event is so formal, so 5 star over the top elegant that your male guests would actually feel awkward and uncomfortable not wearing a tuxedo, or unless the venue actually requires it- as in, gentlemen not wearing dinner jackets will not be admitted (and I don't believe there are very many places that still require that degree of formality) I would not.

  
  

  If a guest would be just as appropriately dressed in a suit and tie, it isn't truly a black tie event. If a woman, likewise, showed up in a beautiful beaded knee length dress, would she feel inappropriately underdressed? Because there are very few events, even in a major city, where this is the case. Maybe the gala opening night of the season at major opera houses. State dinners. Things like that. 

  
  

  So will your guests genuinely feel underdressed and awkward without dinner jackets (tuxes, if you prefer to call them that) and floor length gowns? Is it a requirement for the venue?

  
  

  Or do you just feel the need to let people know that you're having a formal evening event? 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  State dinners are usually white tie, aren't they?

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  I have been to a State Dinner where many of the women wore fancy cocktail-length dresses.  It just depends.

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• dcbride86 member

  

  January 2015

  indianaalum said:

  Maggie0829 said:

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  LtPowers said:

  KatWAG said:

  If you are missing any of these, you arent having a black tie wedding.
  

  
  

  How very prescriptive. Silly me, I thought "black tie" was simply a description of attire.
  

  
  

  
  

  Powers  &8^]

  
  

  I figured as much.  It's a common mistake around here. . . we really need a Black Tie Sticky so I don' have to keep dredging up old posts.
  
  OP, Black Tie is an event NOT a description of attire.  Your reception must have all of the following, at a minimum, to be considered a black tie event:
  

  • Event begins after 6pm
  • High end, indoor venue
    
  • Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
  • Gloved service
  • Hand passed hor d'ourves
    
  • Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
    
  • Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
  • Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
  • Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
  • High end decor and custom lighting

  If you are not actually having a black tie event, please do not put that on your invitations.  If you are having a very formal wedding, you still do not put anything regarding attire on your invitations- it's rude as adults can dress themselves and how your guests dress will not effect you in any way.

  You let your guests know the level of formality of your event through the invitations you use and if you have a wedding website you can add pictures of the venue.  Most guests will Google your reception venue when they receive their invitation to determine how they should dress.
  

  And you can still have all these elements but not state black tie on the invitation.  This way you won't force your guests to have to buy/rent a tux or gown to attend your wedding.  Unless your circle is used to and attends black tie events regularly I tend to think it a bit much to have such an event.  By all means have all the fancy elements but to then make your guests dress in black tie attire just because you want that look is a bit, I don't know, not nice.

  I agree with this. Unless you run with a "black tie" crowd, don't do it. Feel free to do all the nice things for your guests, but don't require THEM to wear black tie. It is expense that many people cannot randomly afford.

  
  

  One of my friends had a "black tie optional" wedding---yes, I know now what is wrong with that statement, BUT I had never had one that even said that, so it totally stressed me out. I was worried to death that my dress wouldn't be fancy enough and I had to spend unnecessary money buying the said dress when I had plenty in my closet for normal weddings. When I asked her what to wear, she said some women would wear ball gowns...which further stressed me out. Truth be told, I didn't see a single woman wearing a ball gown, so i am glad I didn't go that route

  
  

  moral of story...unless your crowd has the funds for black tie and are accustomed to black tie, don't do that to them. It will just stress them out. I almost skipped her wedding due to the stress of not being good enough to attend

  @indianaalum - you just made me SO happy that I convinced my mom (through a few arguments) not to say "black tie optional" on the invite

  
  

  -Also, I'm an IU alum, too!  Go Hoosiers!

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