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Wedding Party

I feel this is necessary: Why Threads Can't "Close"!

novella1186novella1186 member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
edited January 2015 in Wedding Party
For lurkers and newbies, let's chat for a minute about DDs, shall we? There are a ton on this board right now. 

DD means Dirty Delete. It's when you delete something you've posted. And it's not cool. 

First, it's pointless because you always get quoted, and there's nothing you can do to delete the quote, so your post is still there regardless of whether or not you delete the original. 
Second, it makes you look like an asshole. You put the words out there, you can't take them back, so own it. 
Third, it's irritating to other people who read these boards. 
Fourth, it has the opposite affect you're trying to achieve. A DD sends out a bat signal and draws EVERYONE in to partake in whatever drama has clearly transpired, because no one DDs unless something juicy has gone down. So now you're getting tons of attention for your fuck-up. 
Fifth, it kind of screws other lurkers and newbies, because they can learn from reading other people's posts. So leave the post where it is. 

If you regret what you said, or realize it was a shitty thing to say, or didn't get the reaction you wanted, or don't agree with the responses-- whatever the reason-- the best thing you can do is just move along. The worst thing you can do (or ONE of the worst things) is DD, for the reasons stated above. 

I wrote a stupid post when I was a newbie. A lot of the regulars didn't like it, and they let me know. It sucked. So guess what? I deleted the post! I didn't realize at the time that it was a shitty thing to do. I thought since I wrote something stupid and people don't like it, I'll just take it away because I feel bad and I want to un-do it. Then no one will have to be bothered by it anymore. Right? Nope! That pissed people off more, because it was a DD, which I had never even heard of before. I just didn't get it, I didn't get how this online community worked, I didn't know the guidelines, so I made the situation worse. 
But I learned, and pretty much the next day no one was commenting on the stupid post anymore. People forget about it and move on. I stuck around because I thought this was an awesome community and I was right. 

So for those of you who also didn't know yet, I hope this has helped you out. For those of you who do know and you do it anyway, whatever. So be it. 

Moral of this little story? That everyone fucks up once in a while, and if you fucked up with a post just move on. Let it die down. Or leave the boards. Whatever you need to do. But, like I said, DDing just makes you look like an asshole and draws more attention. So don't. 


ETA: Title elaboration. Cuz JFC. 
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Re: I feel this is necessary: Why Threads Can't "Close"!

  • Lol I just laughed when I saw that you quoted me! Perfect :) 

    Dramatic delete works too. Probably works even better, since yeah it's dramatic to the point that it's kind of funny. 
    image
  • For lurkers and newbies, let's chat for a minute about DDs, shall we? There are a ton on this board right now. 

    DD means Dirty Delete. It's when you delete something you've posted. And it's not cool. 

    First, it's pointless because you always get quoted, and there's nothing you can do to delete the quote, so your post is still there regardless of whether or not you delete the original. 
    Second, it makes you look like an asshole. You put the words out there, you can't take them back, so own it. 
    Third, it's irritating to other people who read these boards. 
    Fourth, it has the opposite affect you're trying to achieve. A DD sends out a bat signal and draws EVERYONE in to partake in whatever drama has clearly transpired, because no one DDs unless something juicy has gone down. So now you're getting tons of attention for your fuck-up. 
    Fifth, it kind of screws other lurkers and newbies, because they can learn from reading other people's posts. So leave the post where it is. 

    If you regret what you said, or realize it was a shitty thing to say, or didn't get the reaction you wanted, or don't agree with the responses-- whatever the reason-- the best thing you can do is just move along. The worst thing you can do (or ONE of the worst things) is DD, for the reasons stated above. 

    I wrote a stupid post when I was a newbie. A lot of the regulars didn't like it, and they let me know. It sucked. So guess what? I deleted the post! I didn't realize at the time that it was a shitty thing to do. I thought since I wrote something stupid and people don't like it, I'll just take it away because I feel bad and I want to un-do it. Then no one will have to be bothered by it anymore. Right? Nope! That pissed people off more, because it was a DD, which I had never even heard of before. I just didn't get it, I didn't get how this online community worked, I didn't know the guidelines, so I made the situation worse. 
    But I learned, and pretty much the next day no one was commenting on the stupid post anymore. People forget about it and move on. I stuck around because I thought this was an awesome community and I was right. 

    So for those of you who also didn't know yet, I hope this has helped you out. For those of you who do know and you do it anyway, whatever. So be it. 

    Moral of this little story? That everyone fucks up once in a while, and if you fucked up with a post just move on. Let it die down. Or leave the boards. Whatever you need to do. But, like I said, DDing just makes you look like an asshole and draws more attention. So don't. 

    JIC ;)

    I always thought DD was "dramatic delete". I will continue to function as such. It always makes me giggle. People, NOTHING on the interwebz can be deleted. It's always going to live in some portion of the webz. If you cannot deal with this simple fact, perhaps you should be passing notes that you can burn.
    I'm not exactly a newbie, but what does "JIC" mean?  Between acronyms at work and here, I get a little lost sometimes
  • Just In Case 
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  • @novella1186 thank you!!  I thought that might be it, but I wasn't sure :)
  • Can we just rename this board "DD"? It's getting ridiculous today! 
  • dcbride86 said:
    @novella1186 thank you!!  I thought that might be it, but I wasn't sure :)
    No problem! There's still a few of those that I'm trying to figure out/remember. 
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  • If you regret what you said, or realize it was a shitty thing to say, or didn't get the reaction you wanted, or don't agree with the responses-- whatever the reason-- the best thing you can do is just move along. The worst thing you can do (or ONE of the worst things) is DD, for the reasons stated above. 


    In that situation, I'd say the best thing you can do is say, "You know what guys?  After reading your comments, you're right.  I done fucked up.  My bad."

    We are not unforgiving bitches.
    That's exactly what I did in the story in my OP. I realized I fucked up, and I was like "Sorry, guys. I didn't realize it was wrong. Whoops!" And everyone forgot about it. 

    Just take a minute to reflect on WHY people are reacting to your post the way they are. Take a deep breath. Don't freak out. 

    I mean, clearly you guys are not unforgiving. Bitches, yes, but that's why I love you so much :) 
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  •  

    Fourth, it has the opposite affect you're trying to achieve. A DD sends out a bat signal and draws EVERYONE in to partake in whatever drama has clearly transpired, because no one DDs unless something juicy has gone down. So now you're getting tons of attention for your fuck-up. 
     

    Seriously. A DD is the epitome of the Streisand Effect.
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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited January 2015

    Also, can we PLEASE talk about how some will lash out at those who provide advice because "they didn't know the whole story." I've noticed that the same people who DD do this as well. How is this the fault of the posters who are just offering advice? If your mother/father is an alcoholic and you have deep seeded issues from it but don't tell us (which is perfectly fine - it's not our business) and those issues seep into the wedding planning don't yell at the posters when they provide advice based on what you post.

    They don't know about your family dynamics. They don't know how you interact with your FH. They didn't know that your best friend at one point promised to help you with wedding planning. You didn't tell the posters that. So don't yell at them about it.

    Moral of this story - you get what you put out. You provide us with whatever information - posters will respond based on that information. You want mind readers, time to take your questions elsewhere.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Not only that, by posting here, yes, you are indeed asking for the opinions and advice of everyone in the forum. If you don't want to hear what we have to say, don't post. We are not required to validate your ideas, we are not bashing you or being rude when we disagree with you, and we are going to tell you if we think your idea is not a good one and why. And if we think your idea is not a good one, we are not going to tell you how to do it.
  • I honestly wish new posters would not DD and then disappear forever. A lot of the time it's because they mistake the very straight-forward tone of these boards for harshness or bitchiness. I've hardly ever witnessed anyone here (or any of the regs) being bitchy and mean. Seems like they get the wrong impression and get upset, and then just leave. And it's too bad because I've found these boards to be very very helpful and extremely supportive. 
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  • Hey, how about an addendum.  If you feel like you may have included too much information (personal stuff, rude info about someone else who might see it), feel free to mention it and most people will modify their quotes of you.  Like, if your screen name is the same screen name you always use, you mention that you're from Austin and your FSIL, Katie, is a total bitch, then Katie gets engaged and you hear she's going to be search TK for wedding advice, let us know and we'll delete or change stuff to protect you from your psycho FSIL, Katie.
  • adk19 said:
    Hey, how about an addendum.  If you feel like you may have included too much information (personal stuff, rude info about someone else who might see it), feel free to mention it and most people will modify their quotes of you.  Like, if your screen name is the same screen name you always use, you mention that you're from Austin and your FSIL, Katie, is a total bitch, then Katie gets engaged and you hear she's going to be search TK for wedding advice, let us know and we'll delete or change stuff to protect you from your psycho FSIL, Katie.
    Yeah, we're very nice and understanding :) Most of the time. 
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  • I was just wondering why there were so many DDs.  Also, a lot of the DD threads actually contain really helpful information or advice in the comments, so they're good tools particularly for newbies.  I learned a LOT through the crappy threads because I had no idea how to wedding when I first joined and started lurking.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • adk19 said:
    Hey, how about an addendum.  If you feel like you may have included too much information (personal stuff, rude info about someone else who might see it), feel free to mention it and most people will modify their quotes of you.  Like, if your screen name is the same screen name you always use, you mention that you're from Austin and your FSIL, Katie, is a total bitch, then Katie gets engaged and you hear she's going to be search TK for wedding advice, let us know and we'll delete or change stuff to protect you from your psycho FSIL, Katie.
    I LOVE THIS!!!!

    There do seem to have been a lot more DDs this past week or so than I've seen since I joined (a whole like 3 months ago!)

    I will say that I've found the blunt nature of some posters on this board to border on...harshness sometimes, but I've also found that when confronted/corrected, that's really just the interwebz getting in the way of tone and intent, and that it really was meant as simple and straightforward. Maybe I read into things too much, I'd buy that. 

    That said, people here are not  afraid to call out poor behavior when they see it. Which I think is awesome, but doesn't always go down well with the people who are behaving poorly.
  • rcher912 said:
    adk19 said:
    Hey, how about an addendum.  If you feel like you may have included too much information (personal stuff, rude info about someone else who might see it), feel free to mention it and most people will modify their quotes of you.  Like, if your screen name is the same screen name you always use, you mention that you're from Austin and your FSIL, Katie, is a total bitch, then Katie gets engaged and you hear she's going to be search TK for wedding advice, let us know and we'll delete or change stuff to protect you from your psycho FSIL, Katie.
    I LOVE THIS!!!!

    There do seem to have been a lot more DDs this past week or so than I've seen since I joined (a whole like 3 months ago!)

    I will say that I've found the blunt nature of some posters on this board to border on...harshness sometimes, but I've also found that when confronted/corrected, that's really just the interwebz getting in the way of tone and intent, and that it really was meant as simple and straightforward. Maybe I read into things too much, I'd buy that. 

    That said, people here are not  afraid to call out poor behavior when they see it. Which I think is awesome, but doesn't always go down well with the people who are behaving poorly.



    SIB damnit!
    The bolded: exactly! It's really hard to read tone in text. And sometimes intent can get jumbled too. It happens all the time. There've been a few times that I thought posters were being bitchy to me so I called them on it, and every time it was just me misunderstanding what they were saying, so no big deal. 
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  • rcher912 said:
    adk19 said:
    Hey, how about an addendum.  If you feel like you may have included too much information (personal stuff, rude info about someone else who might see it), feel free to mention it and most people will modify their quotes of you.  Like, if your screen name is the same screen name you always use, you mention that you're from Austin and your FSIL, Katie, is a total bitch, then Katie gets engaged and you hear she's going to be search TK for wedding advice, let us know and we'll delete or change stuff to protect you from your psycho FSIL, Katie.
    I LOVE THIS!!!!

    There do seem to have been a lot more DDs this past week or so than I've seen since I joined (a whole like 3 months ago!)

    I will say that I've found the blunt nature of some posters on this board to border on...harshness sometimes, but I've also found that when confronted/corrected, that's really just the interwebz getting in the way of tone and intent, and that it really was meant as simple and straightforward. Maybe I read into things too much, I'd buy that. 

    That said, people here are not  afraid to call out poor behavior when they see it. Which I think is awesome, but doesn't always go down well with the people who are behaving poorly.



    SIB damnit!
    The bolded: exactly! It's really hard to read tone in text. And sometimes intent can get jumbled too. It happens all the time. There've been a few times that I thought posters were being bitchy to me so I called them on it, and every time it was just me misunderstanding what they were saying, so no big deal. 
    When I first got on TK, I quit like three times because I was insulted by some of the responses I got.  But I always came back because I like the honesty.
  • I honestly didn't know what to expect from these boards, but in lurking I've learned SO MUCH. It's really been amazing and a great slap to the face sometimes to read some of these things rather than putting my close friends/family through my rude behaviors because I don't know any better and they are just being nice. After a few days of lurking, you ladies are my people and I should have joined much earlier. 
    Welcome to TK! So glad you're finding it helpful.
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