How do I cut the guest list????

Re: How do I cut the guest list????

• huskypuppy14 member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  CCBride15 said:

  UGH!!!!  How do I cut children/teens from the guest list without hurting feelings? Most of my extended family have children and will be coming from out of town.  If both sides invite  children/teens our guest list is @ 100 people, which leaves no room for friends or other guests.... Our children (ages 16 + 11) are part of the wedding.  Do we allow for babies upto age 2? Is there some rule or etiquette to follow? I am having anxiety over this and we need to figure a guest list to determine the venue!!! HELP PLEASE.....

  You do not have to invite children if you don't want to. It's perfectly acceptable to invite some children and not others as long as you don't split up minor siblings. 

  
  

  If people have a problem with your children being at your own wedding, they are the rude ones. 

  
  

  Breath!

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report2 Reply
• ChemFanatic25 member

  

  January 2015

  Okay, no need to stress. Take a breath . . . and now here is what you can do.

  
  

  You can have a children free wedding. You will not be rude if you do this. For example, anyone under 18 is not invited BUT DO NOT put this on the invite. Just specify the names of who is invited. If someone calls or adds extra people just call the and say "Hi, I am really looking forward to seeing you and so-and-so, unfortunately only you and so-and-so weren't invited, not so-and-so's young child." (I believe there is a polite way to say this so if someone could help with the wording that would be awesome). 

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• rcher912 member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  As far as I know, there's no rule or etiquette about kids, it's more of a personal decision (etiquette comes in when you talk about wording - don't write "adults only"!).

  
  

  Personally, we're inviting my FI's nieces (7 & 5, one of whom is his goddaughter) and no one else under 18. They're also the only immediate family kids. 

  
  

  You're well within your right to do a case-by-case basis (only immediate family, only 12+ (as long as minor sibs aren't split up that way, say, the 13 yo can come but 11 yo little sis can't), nobody except your own kids, etc.) As far as I've seen, all are totally acceptable.

  
  

  And from what I know about parents with kids 2 and under, especially if you can help find childcare, most of them are pretty thankful to enjoy a nice evening out... (maybe just my friends? haha)

  
  

  
  

  ETA: At my sister's wedding, we had some OOT family with young kids. We helped them find a sitter in the area that we knew who went to the hotel and hung with the kids there. Win-win and everyone was really happy.

  Report0 Reply
• blabla89 member

  

  January 2015

  It's fine to not have children at your wedding, or to only invite certain groups of children. For example, it's fine to only invite your children, your wedding party's children, and your nieces and nephews, but no one else's children. The only rule of etiquette is that it's not appropriate to "split up" a family by inviting some of their minor children but excluding others.
  
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• ohannabelle member

  

  January 2015

  It's not rude not to invite children. Don't stress. 

  You can invite only immediate family's children, or not, if you'd rather. Or by age limit. (I'd make an exception for breast feeding infants, but that's a personal choice, not etiquette.) 

  There are plenty of occasions that children just aren't invited. That's life, and it's fine for everyone concerned. 

  Ditto the don't separate siblings rule.

  You're fine, 100% etiquette approved. 

  Report0 Reply
• WhatawagSBNy member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Many people especially family are very accepting of no young children at night time weddings, less so when it is a mid day affair.
  Since our wedding was out of town for everyone and all but a couple stayed 2 or 3 days of a three day weekend and some arrived earlier, we just arranged babysitting to accommodate.
  My family is larger than average, hubby's is HUGE.
  We had a nursery room with portacribs and rocking chairs for 13 infants up to 14 months, in a room of the Inn just down the hall from the party.
  157 other kids spend that night in the resort style motel we had all the rooms in, or in the small Inn we also had to ourselves. FIL paid for older teens in their family to babysit their younger brothers and sisters or cousins, at I believe the going rate was 15 dollars an hour. Since the only expenses my parents or his paid were for lodgings for folks in their own family who could not afford them, and the babysitting fees to teens in their own families, try were generous about it.
  We paid two professional nurses who moonlighted as a child care team who kept video in rec room going and watched all common areas and checked in rooms after bedtimes.
  Sometimes when guest have lots of kids, the only way they can come is if you think about provisions for these kids traveling. When you do, lots of parents enjoy having a social occasion without their kids, especially if there is drinking and dancing and they want to dance and not park their kids with other guests.
  
  We had a day after party which did include the kids.

  Report0 Reply
• anne2018 member

  

  January 2015

  I did not have children at my wedding and my daughter is not inviting children to hers.  Just don't invite them.  It's up to you and the groom who you want at your wedding.  When you send out save the date cards people will see that children aren't invited and they can make plans accordingly. 

  Report1 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2015

  As long as you don't split up siblings, you are not required to invite children of any age. Just leave their names off the invitation envelope, and if someone RSVPs for their children, call them and let them know that you're sorry for their confusion, but their invitations were only for themselves and their SOs and you cannot accommodate anyone else at your wedding. No other explanations ate necessary.

  Report0 Reply
• xx802xx member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Don't invite children. I'm not inviting any children (under 18) who will not be with families flying in for the week or have personally brought a situation to me and had a legit reason to bring their child (one couple is tying their family vacation into the wedding since it's 1/2 way to where they vacation too). If someone brings a situation up to you, you can debate that child's attendance then. This cut out close to 50 kids on my list!

   

  

  Report0 Reply
• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  January 2015

  Etiquette is that you do not have to invite ANY children if you don't want to. It would be completely understandable if the only kids at your wedding were you own (who are also in the WP).
  
  We had a child free wedding. It meant a smaller guest list and, frankly, less annoying kids running around (just a personal opinion there). If I had to go back and re-do it, I'd do it exactly the same way.
  
  You just can't split families. So if there's a 15 y/o and a 10 y/o, its be rude to invite one but not the other. Make sense? If people ask, you could have a short list of local babysitters since they'll be traveling from OOT. Not required by any means, but might be nice to have on hand if any of your guests ask you for a recommendation.

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply