Wedding Reception Forum

Alcohol

Hello, I have a question about etiquette.  I don't drink alcohol and neither do many of my friends and family members. However, occasionally my fiancé will have a drink when out with his buddies.  We are having our reception in a private room in a restaurant and we have the option to pay for alcohol or not. Is it proper etiquette to ask our guest to pay for their own drinks?

Re: Alcohol

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    No. As your wedding reception is a hosted event, you must cover all costs, including alcohol, without passing any on to your guests. That means no cash bar (whether full or partial), drink tickets, or any other arrangements where drinks are available but not free of charge to the guests. It also means you cover all gratuities. No tip jars or other means of soliciting tips from guests are appropriate either.

    You can have a dry wedding reception or a limited bar (e.g. beer and wine only or some arrangement where not all alcohol is made available to guests), but guests should not be expected to pay for any costs.
  • jacques27 said:

    PP is right - your guests should never have to open their wallets.  Host what you can afford, if it's a matter of finances.  Or if you just don't want alcohol at your wedding then it's okay to not have it, but it shouldn't be an option available at all for purchase.

    However, your own drinking habits are irrelevant as to whether you'll pay or not, unless you practice a religion banning alcohol.  Think of it this way.  I host a birthday party with the intention of paying for everyone's meal at the restaurant.  I don't eat pasta because I'm gluten-free so I tell people they can order anything they want, but if they want pasta they'll have to pick up the tab themselves (which seems silly and preposterous, yes?).  Now, I could arrange with the restaurant ahead of time to have a limited menu presented to everyone and then offer everyone a choice of beef, chicken, or fish so that pasta isn't even an option, but I can't make people pay for their own pasta.  You wouldn't do that for any other food item, so you shouldn't do that for alcohol.

    This, exactly.

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  • Thank you. I knew the answer was no. But I had to prove it my fiancé. We will not serve alcohol at our reception. But will have a champagne toast.

  • Just want, much like OP, a little confirmation/validation:

    Just beer & wine is fine, as long as everyone knows? (I know my brother doesn't like either, but obviously there will be non-alcoholic drinks as well). We're footing the entire bill, and FI and I don't really do liquor and don't want to be stuck with any leftovers.
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2015
    rcher920 said:
    Just want, much like OP, a little confirmation/validation:

    Just beer & wine is fine, as long as everyone knows? (I know my brother doesn't like either, but obviously there will be non-alcoholic drinks as well). We're footing the entire bill, and FI and I don't really do liquor and don't want to be stuck with any leftovers.
    You don't have to let everyone know. Having beer and wine is acceptable and does not have to be communicated to guests. A bar does not have to be a "full bar" with liquor and such. Many couples serve beer and wine to save money.

    That would be like telling your guests you're having chicken instead of steak or telling them you're making your own invitations instead of ordering them.
  • banana468 said:

    Thank you. I knew the answer was no. But I had to prove it my fiancé. We will not serve alcohol at our reception. But will have a champagne toast.

    Honestly I wouldn't do this.   Serving champagne and no other alcohol doesn't really make sense to me.   It's like saying, "We're going to have a vegetarian wedding but we'll have pigs in a blanket."   
    Agreed.  It's not wrong from an etiquette standpoint, I think, but if I was served one glass of champagne I would assume there was some other wine or at least more champagne around.
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  • I agree- either have a dry wedding or don't but definitely don't do a piecemeal dry wedding with a champagne toast. Anything you offer should be available all night. Plus, champagne toasts are a waste. People can toast with what they have in front of them.  
  • If you give me champagne for a toast, I want to refill my champagne glass...which apparently I wouldn't be able to do.  Just have a dry wedding.
  • If you want to have champagne for a toast, have champagne available to everyone all night. It's fine if that's the only alcohol available (a little odd, but fine). But really, if you know most people don't drink, but you're clearly not against alcohol, why not just offer one red wine, one white wine, one or two beers, and one champagne/sparkling. You said it's at a restaurant, correct? It's not like you have to buy it or take home leftovers. If you can fit it in your budget, that seems like it makes the most sense. 
  • I went to a wedding that had a champagne toast and a cash bar thereafter. It was ridiculous. I'm not saying you are trying to do this, but it was very weird to me to have a champagne toast and then have to pay afterwards. It sounds like you are having a smallish wedding with not a lot of drinkers, so I would suggest having a couple of bottles of wine/champagne on the tables during dinner and paying as you go. You may spend a lot less than you think.
  • I think champagne toasts are silly.  You can toast with anything.  And providing one glass of champagne for a toast but no other alcohol is like a cruel tease.

  • Don't do a champagne toast if you are not providing other alcohol to your guests. They'll be confused and/or resentful that you had something only for yourselves.
  • Champagne toasts seem like a waste of money to me regardless of the circumstances. Some people don't like champagne and won't drink all of the glass so you've wasted the servers time pouring and passing out all those flutes as well. Just let people toast with what they are already drinking. 
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  • Jen4948 said:
    Don't do a champagne toast if you are not providing other alcohol to your guests. They'll be confused and/or resentful that you had something only for yourselves.
    Huh?   I took it to mean that the champagne was for everyone and that the B&G would be switching after the toast too.
  • banana468 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Don't do a champagne toast if you are not providing other alcohol to your guests. They'll be confused and/or resentful that you had something only for yourselves.
    Huh?   I took it to mean that the champagne was for everyone and that the B&G would be switching after the toast too.
    That's how I took it as well.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    However it was meant, I think that it makes more sense to just have a dry wedding rather than a champagne toast but no other alcohol offered.
  • If so many people at your party don't drink at all anyway.  And if you're not against alcohol.  And if you can afford it.  Just have an open bar and pay by consumption.  That's like giving the bartender your credit card and saying, "just put all the drinks for this table on this card."  Then your FI can have one drink, the people who drink can have one drink before dinner and one drink during dinner, and the lushes (like me) can have four or five drinks.  Usually in a situation like this, I'd take my cue from the host and only drink as much as him/her or have my usual two drinks at a nice dinner.
  • Alot of ppl do cash bars i dont see anything wrong with it..To me makes ppl drink less and hopefully cuts down on the drunken drama...Thats why were have a booze free wedding reception...

  • Alot of ppl do cash bars i dont see anything wrong with it..To me makes ppl drink less and hopefully cuts down on the drunken drama...Thats why were have a booze free wedding reception...

    Please read the "Cash Bar" sticky on the Etiquette board. There are a million reasons why having a cash bar is rude, tacky, and unnecessary.
  • I agree.  They aren't your guests if they are paying.
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