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Wedding Etiquette Forum
CragleWedding
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Is it tacky to use the same resort?
I have a very close friend that I have known from childhood who is getting married in Mexico 3 months before my wedding. Because hers is a destination wedding, and very expensive to attend, I am not able to afford going so close to my own wedding. She had asked me to be a bridesmaid, and she is one of my bridesmaids. She made me feel very guilty for not being able to attend her wedding, but it is just asking too much of me. I am still helping with the bridal shower and bachelorette party.
The issue is that my fiance and I have chosen the same resort where she is getting married for our honeymoon. Without knowing that it was the same resort, my fiance fell in love with it, and we both have our hearts set on going there for our own honeymoon. We have not booked yet, and have looked at other options but just have our hearts set on that same resort. My gut feeling (and that of my close family that I have told about the situation) is that it is my honeymoon and I shouldn't worry about anything. However, I do feel guilty that I can't go to her wedding, but am going to the same place 3 months later.
My question is how do I tell her this without hurting her feelings or causing drama with her, since she is one of my bridesmaids as well. HELP!
The issue is that my fiance and I have chosen the same resort where she is getting married for our honeymoon. Without knowing that it was the same resort, my fiance fell in love with it, and we both have our hearts set on going there for our own honeymoon. We have not booked yet, and have looked at other options but just have our hearts set on that same resort. My gut feeling (and that of my close family that I have told about the situation) is that it is my honeymoon and I shouldn't worry about anything. However, I do feel guilty that I can't go to her wedding, but am going to the same place 3 months later.
My question is how do I tell her this without hurting her feelings or causing drama with her, since she is one of my bridesmaids as well. HELP!
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Re: Is it tacky to use the same resort?
Now... I'm going to be totally honest here:
You should not feel guilty. Getting married in Mexico is not easy. You need to have blood tests and sometimes establish residency. It's entirely possible that your friend is marrying legally in the US and then doing a fake re-do in Mexico. It happens. She also may be planning to jump through all the hoops and do it legally in Mexico - I don't know. But just keep that thought in the back of your mind.
Go on your fabulous honeymoon!
Make your plans and if your friend asks specifically about your honeymoon, be honest with her: your FI fell in love with the resort and before you realized it was her DW resort, you both settled on going there. Admit once you realized what had happened that you looked for other options but nothing came close for you. Acknowledge the awkwardness and that you regret the timing wasn't better. Be prepared for hurt feelings or raw emotions though hopefully your friend will understand this was an oversight - and that the resort she chose is just that nice!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it tacky to use the same resort?: Honestly, it is not that difficult. You arrive 34 days prior to your wedding and get a quick blood draw and the medical office at the resort.That is it. This is very similar to the procedure in many states. Also, we looked at MANY resorts all over Mexico and there is no residency requirement. You get legally married on the beach, or a church, or wherever you want. OP. Where/What resort are you honeymooning at?!
Posted by nicoleandersonmd[/QUOTE]
Many people don't want to do that for whatever reason and just do a quickie ceremony in the US. And, technically, the 3 to 4 day thing is a form of a residency requirement. ::shrug:: I'm just throwing the possibility out there because it happens.
And no offense taken, sunshine!! I struggled with our destination wedding a lot. We really REALLY tried to make it affordable for everyone but I still am concerned that someone is silently angry at us for it. I even apologized to my father in law and he flat out told me to stop worrying so much. Ha.
Ditto this. We had a similar situation where we mentioned in passing that we may have to make a choice between having a honeymoon or attending our friends' DW. We took their guilt trip to heart and have yet to schedule a honeymoon 6mo after the fact... While they had a nice wedding, looking back, I feel like we made the wrong choice. I wish we had stood firm on our financial priorities.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it tacky to use the same resort? : Many people don't want to do that for whatever reason and just do a quickie ceremony in the US. And, technically, the 3 to 4 day thing is a form of a residency requirement. ::shrug:: I'm just throwing the possibility out there because it happens.<strong> And no offense taken, sunshine!! I struggled with our destination wedding a lot. We really REALLY tried to make it affordable for everyone but I still am concerned that someone is silently angry at us for it. I even apologized to my father in law and he flat out told me to stop worrying so much. Ha.</strong>
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
Okay, good! My real issue is when people plan DW and get pissy if someone says they can't afford it/don't want to go. I know yours was small, but some invite so many people and expect them all to want to spend their vacation time and money on their wedding. Uhg. I'll get off my soapbox now :)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it tacky to use the same resort? : Okay, good! My real issue is when people plan DW and get pissy if someone says they can't afford it/don't want to go. I know yours was small, but some invite so many people and expect them all to want to spend their vacation time and money on their wedding. Uhg. I'll get off my soapbox now :)
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]
Oh, I totally get it! One of my brothers in law was saying up until a few months before the wedding that he wasn't sure he could go. We said we totally understood!
EDIT: And because this seems relevant - my husband and I legally married in Bermuda. We followed all their rules and have our license stamped by the Queen. We did not do a re-do.
Ahhhhh! You feel guilty too?! I honestly continue to feel VERY guilty about having a destination wedding. Mom is not the happiest about it.
[QUOTE]You picked that resort for your honeymoon. Go! Have fun! If your friend can't understand why you can't make her wedding then she's really lost in wedding-centered land and it's sad.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
<div>This. There are probably very few people, herself included who could afford TWO vacations so close together. Surely she does not expect you to attend her DW and then not have a honeymoon.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it tacky to use the same resort?: Ahhhhh! You feel guilty too?! I honestly continue to feel VERY guilty about having a destination wedding. Mom is not the happiest about it.
Posted by nicoleandersonmd[/QUOTE]
Oh no! My parents were initially lukewarm mostly because my mom wanted both my sister and I to marry in our home church. My sister got married down the shore instead and I flew everyone off to another country. Ha!
I will say that once everyone was there together and saw the resort, we got a lot of quiet compliments on how gorgeous it all was. All those barriers came down and we just had a lovely time. Whether they went back up after they got home and paid their bills, I can't say. No one has said anything to us since, but that means very little!
I will say I have no regrets. I loved every little tiny thing about our wedding. Even my bouquet, which I sorta hated :-)
[QUOTE]joy, was your wedding at the Reefs? it is so beautiful there.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
YEEEEEES!
A few of our wedding photos are actually on their website.
We'd love to go back - that place was pure class. We rented bikes one day and I fell getting some really horrible road rash (couldn't walk road rash). We got back to the resort and the hotel people got me everything I needed and returned our bikes for us. And that is just one example!
Hahaha. That's exactly my Mum! She wanted me to be married in my home church which I think would have been lovely. Unfortunately, most of my FIs family could not come if we were married in Maine. Poor Mum. I'm the 4th of six and no one has been married in our hometown church.... She's a dear. I think she's generally placated because we are getting married in a Catholic Church with full mass....but she still throws in a little barb about it whenever she can...
I totally get the fear of people being silently angry. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way. Thank you!
All that to say, you don't need to give any specifics, even with your WP. Say "the beach" or "the tropics" or "Latin America." I might not even mention Mexico, since she's being so touchy, and I don't think there's any reason to volunteer that you'll be at the same resort. Don't lie or try to "cover it up" as though you're doing something questionable (which you aren't), but don't feel like you have to answer, in full, every question that you're asked. Honestly, it's none of her business where you're going. I know most people ask out of genuine interest/excitement, so I'm warm and polite in replying, but deliberately vague.
We are looking at Secrets Maroma Beach. Ever been there or have any advice or suggestions?
While it shouldn't be an issue, I can tell from your original post that you know it will be an issue. On one hand, you have every right to go there. It's your honeymoon and you already planned to go there. No one is required to attend a wedding, especially a destination wedding. If you continue with your plans, you are completely, absolutely in the right.
On the other hand, from the way you described her, she's going to be mad. You are not going to be able to do this without any drama or hurt feelings. She is going to make snide remarks about you saying you don't have the money only to go to the same exact resort 3 months later. She may say something like you got the idea from her wedding. If you want to continue this friendship, it really might make sense to just find another resort. I have done a lot of traveling in Mexico and many of the resorts are very, very similar (especially something like Secrets). You haven't booked anything yet so you have that option.
Other posters said you don't have to tell her where you are going. I'm not sure how that would be possible if she is close enough to be one of your bridesmaids. I could not imagine how I would get around it if one of my friends asked where I was going on my honeymoon. Also, she could (and probably will) find out from someone else so if you plan to keep your plans as-is you will need to be honest with her.Re: the resort, it's a little tacky, especially if you're not going to the wedding. I've been to mexico many times, and the resorts are all very similar. Nice pool, ocean views, beach.
I would re-think it....
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it tacky to use the same resort? : We are looking at Secrets Maroma Beach. Ever been there or have any advice or suggestions?
Posted by CragleWedding[/QUOTE]
Went there for our honeymoon and it was pure awesomeness!
I highly suggest a swimout room if you can swing it. It's very well wroth it, especially when the pools close in the evening because you can still swim.
Rent one of the cabana beds by the beach too at least one day. That was one of my favorite days. Shoot for one that is in the front row and on the left (left as viewed if you were looking dowards the ocean), though, because all you see is the ocean!
I honestly can't complain about a single thing with that place. We're dying to go back!
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