Tipping the officant

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

Can someone tell me the dos and dont of tipping the officant? please and thank you!

tcnoble · January 2015

I've been looking for advice on this too - so I'll be following!

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

She is charging m 200.00 dollars...and and ontop of that a tip?? thats what i confused on..Because

JennyColada · January 2015

When we asked our officiant for a price, she gave us a range (it was kind of like "give whatever you feel comfortable with, but most people give between $200-$400). So we gave her $400. We didn't tip her above and beyond that because she is an independent contractor, so all of the $400 goes to her. If you hired her through another company (and thus she only gets a cut of the charge) then you could tip her, but otherwise I wouldn't (it's not customary to tip the owner of any business, even if it's salon or a diner).

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

thank you so much!

rcher912 · January 2015

JennyColada said:

When we asked our officiant for a price, she gave us a range (it was kind of like "give whatever you feel comfortable with, but most people give between $200-$400). So we gave her $400. We didn't tip her above and beyond that because she is an independent contractor, so all of the $400 goes to her. If you hired her through another company (and thus she only gets a cut of the charge) then you could tip her, but otherwise I wouldn't (it's not customary to tip the owner of any business, even if it's salon or a diner).

Really? I guess I had just never heard this. Does this go for all vendors? Photogs, DJs, etc?

JennyColada · January 2015

rcher912 said:

JennyColada said:

When we asked our officiant for a price, she gave us a range (it was kind of like "give whatever you feel comfortable with, but most people give between $200-$400). So we gave her $400. We didn't tip her above and beyond that because she is an independent contractor, so all of the $400 goes to her. If you hired her through another company (and thus she only gets a cut of the charge) then you could tip her, but otherwise I wouldn't (it's not customary to tip the owner of any business, even if it's salon or a diner).

Really? I guess I had just never heard this. Does this go for all vendors? Photogs, DJs, etc?

I'd think so, but I have to say that I'm not 100%. But it makes sense, because if they are the owner then they are getting the full amount of the fee as "revenue".

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

In many churches and synagogues, their contract says their salary covers the services, and any tip is turned over to the congregation funds as a fee for services. And many priests will tell you their vow of poverty does not allow them to take cash supplements to their church supported stipends.

So the socially appropriate thing may be to give a gift like a gift certificate for a restaurant, which they can use with family and friends and not declare on taxes and not turn over. I have found that many unmarried priests will accept this kind of gift, to host their own family or friends, since they do not have much discressionary income, and it is a gift not a fee for services tip. One of our local married priests with a large family is known to be fond of home made candy, preserves and maple syrup. And though they have a generally low salary and frugal lifestyle most married priests accept physical gifts as acceptable even with poverty vows.

Some will ask that you write a check to the church that will be listed as a tax deductible donation not a tip.
I never heard of a JP who did not accept cash, or a gift certificate, and look pretty put out if it was not at least fifty dollars.

charlottesmom0626 · January 2015

JennyColada said:

rcher912 said:

JennyColada said:

When we asked our officiant for a price, she gave us a range (it was kind of like "give whatever you feel comfortable with, but most people give between $200-$400). So we gave her $400. We didn't tip her above and beyond that because she is an independent contractor, so all of the $400 goes to her. If you hired her through another company (and thus she only gets a cut of the charge) then you could tip her, but otherwise I wouldn't (it's not customary to tip the owner of any business, even if it's salon or a diner).

Really? I guess I had just never heard this. Does this go for all vendors? Photogs, DJs, etc?

I'd think so, but I have to say that I'm not 100%. But it makes sense, because if they are the owner then they are getting the full amount of the fee as "revenue".

No.
If a photographer runs his own buisness; he charges his price to make a living. That includes the cost of not only taking photos (8+ hours), but also editing, printing, etc. There's a TON of time that goes into that.

If you love their work; TIP THEM! I hate when people think "well they're getting $4,000 in their pocket for one day" because they aren't.

JennyColada · January 2015

That's not really what I meant. But ok.

charlottesmom0626 · January 2015

@jennycolada

I guess I don't understand what you mean? I read your post to imply that if someone owns their business, you aren't required to tip them. If I read that wrong, I apologize.

For example: My mom is a hairdresser. She works alone, but she has her own salon. When people like her services, they give her a tip. The price she charges for a hair cut or color or whatever is comparable to other hairdressers in the area.

JennyColada · January 2015

I have never had the owner of a salon or restaurant accept a tip from me. I tend to find it a little greedy honestly. I understand the point of tips for non-owners certainly, but can't say that I have much experience in it with owner-operators.

The theory, to me, seems to be that they are making money from their employees or otherwise set prices for what they think is fair for their time. If that is nlt your experience or the experience of ones that you know then I think that's a fair disagreement.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

The traditional etiquette I was taught, about not tipping the owner of a business, was that when a business involves a lot of workers and an owner works alongside them you do not tip that owner. That is because the owner gets a share that is more than just overhead, namely the profits.

But when in a situation that happens in many salons for example, sometimes each person rents a chair from the owner and that goes just to overhead. So the owner there is more able to keep the location open, but is not getting a profit from the work of the others. Then the owner is on a pretty level footing with the others and does get a tip.

And when an owner works alone, or 2 owners work together on an equal footing, it is polite to tip them in appreciation for their good work.

That goes for service workers. Salons to tow truck operators to waiters.

It is different in the trades, my inlaws tell me. A plumber or carpenter or electrician sets his rates by adding an hourly wage to costs of materials to overhead. He is in a much higher bracket billing by time than a service worker. He is not dependent on tips to make a living wage. More in the situation of a business that puts a 20% gratuity on everything when setting prices, you would not tip on top of that.

A bartender I mistakenly tipped once slid the money back to me and said, I am the publican. The king here. Only workers for their daily bread get tips. If I am not getting enough, I just raise all the drink prices. Then smiled nicely, like he knew I was ignorant, not insulting him. Which was true.

SP29 · January 2015

We provided our officiant with a gift card to a restaurant.

We tipped our DJ and cupcake maker cash, even though they both run their own business (so all the money we made went to them), because we were very happy with the level of service provided.

We didn't tip the florist (company- so employees get a wage, owner gets profit), because we didn't get exactly what we asked for. We weren't UNHAPPY, and we didn't complain about anything, but we chose to pay what they asked, not extra.

We didn't tip our photographer because we weren't happy with the service provided.

brittanykaylachandler · January 2015

You need to pay your officiant! They are offering a service. If your officiant is a pastor you definitely need to pay them! Officiating weddings are not required of their jobs... they give up hours to do premarital counseling (most pastors require you do this), help plan the ceremony, rehearsal, and the wedding day.

tcnoble · January 2015

brittanykaylachandler said:

You need to pay your officiant! They are offering a service. If your officiant is a pastor you definitely need to pay them! Officiating weddings are not required of their jobs... they give up hours to do premarital counseling (most pastors require you do this), help plan the ceremony, rehearsal, and the wedding day.

This isn't true for every officiant though. Ours is contracted through our venue, and we speak to them once to plan the ceremony, then they just show up on the wedding day. No counseling, no rehearsal, just 20 minutes plus travel (which they are local). So saying you "need" to pay/tip them is really subjective.

brittanykaylachandler · January 2015

@tcnoble

Well if it's included as part of your venue, that's another ball game-- you're still paying them though. I was talking specifically about pastors through a church.

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

Of course were paying her her fee.

brittanykaylachandler · January 2015

Knottie14623169
Then I would say you're good.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

brittanykaylachandler said:
@tcnoble
Well if it's included as part of your venue, that's another ball game-- you're still paying them though. I was talking specifically about pastors through a church.

*******
Your church may say that is fine, but a huge number of ministers and rabbis have it in their contract that the are paid for doing weddings in their salary, and if you tip them, they have to turn the tips over to the congregation funds. They cannot keep a tip, legally enforceable contract.

And many priests, Roman Catholic or Orthodox, take a vow of poverty or something similar and can not break vows and accept one.

So if you ask in advance, and find out about the religious officiant, even asking a secretary to the Congregation in their office, they will tell you.

mealee · January 2015

Our officiant is our pastor...and my soon to be father in law. I'm not paying him but should I tip him? Gift card? I have no idea.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

A tip is rude to family.
A nice gift like a restaurant gift certificate or show tickets if they like them, with a note saying how special it is to be welcomed by both church and family, should cover it.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

mealee said:

Our officiant is our pastor...and my soon to be father in law. I'm not paying him but should I tip him? Gift card? I have no idea.

I officiated my sister's wedding. Afterwards she gave me a $300 giftcard to a B&B (discussed with my boyfriend where I might like to go). I, of course, didn't expect anything, so it was a nice surprise. The card said something about, "they wouldn't have been married without me."

charcoalandblush · January 2015

mealee said:

Our officiant is our pastor...and my soon to be father in law. I'm not paying him but should I tip him? Gift card? I have no idea.

No cash tip. I would recommend a personalized gift, or a gift card to a restaurant that you know he likes.

Knottie14623169 · January 2015

wedding stresssssssssssssssssssssssss lol

Tipping the officant

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