Bridesmaid is being obnoxious, and I'm not sure why...

suteki325 · January 2015

Hello everyone. Let me go into a background story of the current issue I'm facing with this bridesmaid.

My MOH sent out a group message on Facebook the other day to all of the girls I told her I wanted to invite. In the message, she outlined the plans for the bachelorette party, which were to start off the day by going to a painting party around 1pm, then going out for dinner/drinks around 4pm, then various bars, then finally to the hotel for the night. Apparently this bridesmaid responded asking "is this painting party "your" idea or "her" idea to my MOH (it was mine!). She then said something along the lines of "not all of us can get all-day babysitters for our kids" (she has two young ones). She also said something like "We should just cut out the painting party idea." To which my MOH replied that this was MY bachelorette party and MY idea, and that it was fine, she didn't have go to the painting party, and that she could meet up with us later on in the night whenever was convenient for her.

The bridesmaid then proceeded to text me apologizing, saying that she felt like she was being a Debbie Downer, etc. but that the overall price that my MOH had stated each girl would need to pay (around 130 dollars) was way too much for her, since she was having a lot of money trouble. I felt horrible about this and got in touch with my MOH and we figured out a way to slash the price by 30 dollars or so, by deciding to stay at a cheaper hotel and also cutting out a party package at a nearby nightclub I had wanted to check out. I told the bridesmaid about the new price and she seemed okay with this.

So this same day, my MOH said in the same group message to all of the girls that she was going to go ahead and book the hotel the next day. None of the girls objected to this (including this bridesmaid) or said that she wouldn't be able to stay. So the next day, my MOH booked the room and sent out another group message telling everyone. To which this bridesmaid replied, "I wish you would have told me you were booking the room" (my MOH HAD told everyone this). "I will NOT be staying the night. I will be going back home." My MOH responded "That's fine" and then texted me saying that she would just eat the extra cost of this girl choosing not to stay at the hotel with us, which I feel awful about because I hate that my MOH is having to shell out more money all because this girl is being obnoxious.

So the crux is, that this bridesmaid is being horrible and I'm not sure why or how to remedy it. Multiple other girls in the party who saw her replies in the group message have come forward to me saying that she came off very snarky and rude. To top it off, apparently now she's giving ME the silent treatment, as we had earlier planned maybe hanging out today if she was free, and I texted her earlier this morning asking if she would be able to hang out, and have heard nothing in reply since.

I know that this girl has a lot going on right now in her personal life (she has a four month old baby with a father who is not financially supportive, her parents whom she is very close with recently moved four hours away, etc.) And I feel really bad that it seems my wedding/money issues are putting a huge burden on her. I'm not sure how to reach out to her or how to proceed from here. I know she has a lot going on, but my feelings are kind of hurt that she was being so awful to my MOH (and I'm kind of angry with her on my MOH's behalf too).

I sure hope someone has some advice for me, because I feel I need to fix this issue BEFORE the bachelorette party, or I may end up with one bridesmaid sitting snarky and sullen in the corner, being rude all night (or may not even come).

HELP!!

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

suteki325 said:
Hello everyone. Let me go into a background story of the current issue I'm facing with this bridesmaid.

My MOH sent out a group message on Facebook the other day to all of the girls I told her I wanted to invite. In the message, she outlined the plans for the bachelorette party, which were to start off the day by going to a painting party around 1pm, then going out for dinner/drinks around 4pm, then various bars, then finally to the hotel for the night. Apparently this bridesmaid responded asking "is this painting party "your" idea or "her" idea to my MOH (it was mine!). She then said something along the lines of "not all of us can get all-day babysitters for our kids" (she has two young ones). She also said something like "We should just cut out the painting party idea." To which my MOH replied that this was MY bachelorette party and MY idea, and that it was fine, she didn't have go to the painting party, and that she could meet up with us later on in the night whenever was convenient for her.

The bridesmaid then proceeded to text me apologizing, saying that she felt like she was being a Debbie Downer, etc. but that the overall price that my MOH had stated each girl would need to pay (around 130 dollars) was way too much for her, since she was having a lot of money trouble. I felt horrible about this and got in touch with my MOH and we figured out a way to slash the price by 30 dollars or so, by deciding to stay at a cheaper hotel and also cutting out a party package at a nearby nightclub I had wanted to check out. I told the bridesmaid about the new price and she seemed okay with this.

So this same day, my MOH said in the same group message to all of the girls that she was going to go ahead and book the hotel the next day. None of the girls objected to this (including this bridesmaid) or said that she wouldn't be able to stay. So the next day, my MOH booked the room and sent out another group message telling everyone. To which this bridesmaid replied, "I wish you would have told me you were booking the room" (my MOH HAD told everyone this). "I will NOT be staying the night. I will be going back home." My MOH responded "That's fine" and then texted me saying that she would just eat the extra cost of this girl choosing not to stay at the hotel with us, which I feel awful about because I hate that my MOH is having to shell out more money all because this girl is being obnoxious.

So the crux is, that this bridesmaid is being horrible and I'm not sure why or how to remedy it. Multiple other girls in the party who saw her replies in the group message have come forward to me saying that she came off very snarky and rude. To top it off, apparently now she's giving ME the silent treatment, as we had earlier planned maybe hanging out today if she was free, and I texted her earlier this morning asking if she would be able to hang out, and have heard nothing in reply since.

I know that this girl has a lot going on right now in her personal life (she has a four month old baby with a father who is not financially supportive, her parents whom she is very close with recently moved four hours away, etc.) And I feel really bad that it seems my wedding/money issues are putting a huge burden on her. I'm not sure how to reach out to her or how to proceed from here. I know she has a lot going on, but my feelings are kind of hurt that she was being so awful to my MOH (and I'm kind of angry with her on my MOH's behalf too).

I sure hope someone has some advice for me, because I feel I need to fix this issue BEFORE the bachelorette party, or I may end up with one bridesmaid sitting snarky and sullen in the corner, being rude all night (or may not even come).

HELP!!

Actually, this isn't her fault. Its your MOH's fault for planning a party without anyone's input and then basically sending everyone an invoice. That is NOT how bach parties are supposed to be planned. If the MOH plans on paying for everything, she can plan whatever she wants and people can accept or decline.

Your MOH should have asked everyone's budget before hand and then planned accordingly, asking for people's input (since they're financing it). And it was really stupid of her to book hotels without people saying yes. A Facebook message where people don't respond doesn't mean 'yes'. That's just assuming and crappy planning. I would not feel bad about her eating that cost. Also, most hotels have a cancelations policy, so she should just cancel the reservations and then do it the right way - tell people what hotel it is and let them book their own rooms if they want to stay.

Personally, I'd be telling your MOH to apologize to this girl for basically spending her money without permission.

jenna8984 · January 2015

suteki325 said:

Hello everyone. Let me go into a background story of the current issue I'm facing with this bridesmaid.

My MOH sent out a group message on Facebook the other day to all of the girls I told her I wanted to invite. In the message, she outlined the plans for the bachelorette party, which were to start off the day by going to a painting party around 1pm, then going out for dinner/drinks around 4pm, then various bars, then finally to the hotel for the night. Apparently this bridesmaid responded asking "is this painting party "your" idea or "her" idea to my MOH (it was mine!). She then said something along the lines of "not all of us can get all-day babysitters for our kids" (she has two young ones). She also said something like "We should just cut out the painting party idea." To which my MOH replied that this was MY bachelorette party and MY idea, and that it was fine, she didn't have go to the painting party, and that she could meet up with us later on in the night whenever was convenient for her.

The bridesmaid then proceeded to text me apologizing, saying that she felt like she was being a Debbie Downer, etc. but that the overall price that my MOH had stated each girl would need to pay (around 130 dollars) was way too much for her, since she was having a lot of money trouble. I felt horrible about this and got in touch with my MOH and we figured out a way to slash the price by 30 dollars or so, by deciding to stay at a cheaper hotel and also cutting out a party package at a nearby nightclub I had wanted to check out. I told the bridesmaid about the new price and she seemed okay with this.

So this same day, my MOH said in the same group message to all of the girls that she was going to go ahead and book the hotel the next day. None of the girls objected to this (including this bridesmaid) or said that she wouldn't be able to stay. So the next day, my MOH booked the room and sent out another group message telling everyone. To which this bridesmaid replied, "I wish you would have told me you were booking the room" (my MOH HAD told everyone this). "I will NOT be staying the night. I will be going back home." My MOH responded "That's fine" and then texted me saying that she would just eat the extra cost of this girl choosing not to stay at the hotel with us, which I feel awful about because I hate that my MOH is having to shell out more money all because this girl is being obnoxious.

So the crux is, that this bridesmaid is being horrible and I'm not sure why or how to remedy it. Multiple other girls in the party who saw her replies in the group message have come forward to me saying that she came off very snarky and rude. To top it off, apparently now she's giving ME the silent treatment, as we had earlier planned maybe hanging out today if she was free, and I texted her earlier this morning asking if she would be able to hang out, and have heard nothing in reply since.

I know that this girl has a lot going on right now in her personal life (she has a four month old baby with a father who is not financially supportive, her parents whom she is very close with recently moved four hours away, etc.) And I feel really bad that it seems my wedding/money issues are putting a huge burden on her. I'm not sure how to reach out to her or how to proceed from here. I know she has a lot going on, but my feelings are kind of hurt that she was being so awful to my MOH (and I'm kind of angry with her on my MOH's behalf too).

I sure hope someone has some advice for me, because I feel I need to fix this issue BEFORE the bachelorette party, or I may end up with one bridesmaid sitting snarky and sullen in the corner, being rude all night (or may not even come).

HELP!!

Your MOH was completely wrong in her planning. This is the same situation on like ten freakin threads right now. She should have asked each girl first what they were interested in doing and what their budget was. She should not have just planned the whole thing, then tried to bill people.

You should not even have anything to do with the planning, so you even insisting that you go painting is crossing the bridezilla line a little bit. The majority of bachelorette parties do not include a hotel so you need to be grateful that anyone is willing to do that for you.

Your friend has done NOTHING wrong. She is a mother with a lot going on. End of story. If she can come out and spend a few hours with you, then that's amazing of her and you need to be appreciative. She has no obligation to attend, so stop calling her "obnoxious" since she's done nothing wrong and you and the MOH are actually being the obnoxious ones.

manateehugger · January 2015

I agree with PP's. You've clearly never been a bridesmaid who has received a huge invoice from a MOH asking for tons of money on top of the dress and travel expenses you've incurred to be in the wedding. This has happened to me a couple times, and it sucks. Your MOH is being the obnoxious one.

Re-read your post. You're upset because a busy friend of yours can't gleefully dedicate tons of money to a silly party that celebrates you.

lyndausvi · January 2015

FB is a horrible way to plan a b-party. You can't read tone and sometimes wording can comes across wrong. I'm not sure the actual wording from your MOH. But it seems to me that the FB messages sent was something like "here is the plan, here is the cost. Oh and you have 1 day to let me know because I'm booking rooms tomorrow."

If you are going to have a day long b-party (including a potential hotel stay), it should be presented that people are welcome to attend any or all of the events. Cost should be broken down by event. That way the attendee can figure out what, if any events, they will attend. Some might do them all, others might not have the time (or money) to commit to all the events and will pick and choose what they will do.

suteki325 · January 2015

As far as I know, my MOH outlined the price of every event per person and let them know that it was fine it not everyone could attend every thing. But I wasn't in on the group message, so I have no idea of how wording/tone/planning was presented.

I feel horrible that my friend may have been offended or hurt by how it was presented to her. I'm not trying to be a 'zilla or expect her to give up everything just to go to my bach party. That would be ridiculous of me.

After reading these responses, I do feel like my MOH and I might have been in the wrong. I think I'm just going to call this bridesmaid and apologize, and see if we can mend all of this. She truly is a dear friend and I care for her. I know she has a LOT going on in her life right now and I just want her to know that I'm there for her no matter what.

I just want to fix this crappy situation any way that I can.

ohannabelle · January 2015

I hate that my MOH is having to shell out more money all because this girl is being obnoxious.

ohannabelle · January 2015

suteki325 said:

As far as I know, my MOH outlined the price of every event per person and let them know that it was fine it not everyone could attend every thing. But I wasn't in on the group message, so I have no idea of how wording/tone/planning was presented.
I feel horrible that my friend may have been offended or hurt by how it was presented to her. I'm not trying to be a 'zilla or expect her to give up everything just to go to my bach party. That would be ridiculous of me.
After reading these responses, I do feel like my MOH and I might have been in the wrong. I think I'm just going to call this bridesmaid and apologize, and see if we can mend all of this. She truly is a dear friend and I care for her. I know she has a LOT going on in her life right now and I just want her to know that I'm there for her no matter what.
I just want to fix this crappy situation any way that I can.

That is exactly the correct response. It's humiliating to be the one girl who can't afford to join in the fun, and then to be judged and sneered at and called obnoxious because you're being a responsible parent and not squandering money you don't have?

She needs a hug and a friend, not to be name called. Good move on your part!

AddieCake · January 2015

Good on you for realizing what you need to do and being willing to do it. I hope the party ends up being fun for all!

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

bachelorette party for 1day, friendship for a lifetime.

The situation looks easy from the outside. But it is easy to loose sight of someone else's problems when you get involved in making plans of your own.
I am glad you see the problem and want to fix it.

apromise22 · January 2015

Money issues aside, I find it a little odd that she was ever expected to stay the night when she has a baby.

lovegood90 · January 2015

apromise22 said:

Money issues aside, I find it a little odd that she was ever expected to stay the night when she has a baby.

This is an inappropriate expectation, baby or not.

rnsoon · January 2015

How dare your BM have a life and financial obligations aside from your wedding.

Isn't there like, a BM police that can arrest her for being so "awful"? Anyone?

Edit because iphone thinks it knows what I want to say. It's wrong.

Bridesmaid is being obnoxious, and I'm not sure why...

Re: Bridesmaid is being obnoxious, and I'm not sure why...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards