Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Shower - Not invited to wedding

mealeemealee member
5 Love Its First Comment
edited January 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I got a text a few weeks ago from my FMIL asking if I would be interested in a bridal shower. From this text I thought that meant she was throwing me one. I went to church a few days after that text and one of the ladies approached me and said she was the one throwing it. I really really appreciated the thought...but she wasn't invited to our wedding.

I'm probably just really awkward but I didn't know how exactly to say "Thank you for wanting to do this but you aren't even invited to our wedding". Not only is she not invited but no one at the church is invited. It has kind of been an awkward topic because it is a pretty small church and my FFIL is the only pastor and every one that goes there has probably known my fiance since he was a small child.

We, honestly, just couldn't afford to invite everyone despite how small the church was. We decided to just not invite anyone from church that we weren't extremely close to in this time of our life.

Anyway, etiquette, on this bridal shower? What do I do? 

The host is now invited with a few other people but I don't exactly know what to do about the other people who might attend the bridal shower. I don't know who is invited.

Re: Bridal Shower - Not invited to wedding

  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015

    I would graciously decline the shower. I've heard somewhere on these boards that work and church showers are technically "okay" even if people aren't invited to the wedding, but I don't know the exact details as to why, so someone else can speak to that.

    Just my personal opinion, but I'd be extremely uncomfortable sitting in a room full of people accepting gifts from them to celebrate a life event that I knew they weren't invited to.

    ETA: clarity

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • Are you talking about a bridal shower thrown for you by members of the church you attend?  If so, church showers and work showers fall into a different category then regular bridal showers.  Typically when these types of showers are thrown, those in attendance tend to realize that they aren't going to be invited to the wedding.  For example, my work threw me a shower when I got married, but no one from work was invited to the wedding.

    I am probably explaining this horribly so hopefully another poster can do a better job then me :)

  • Yes, generally church showers are a bit different, the members know they won't be invited to the wedding.

    It's up to you if you comfortable accepting the shower or not.


  • Church showers are generally thrown out of the goodness of their hearts. Mostly the older women are in charge (in my experience) they don't expect anything and love to shower others with love.
    That being said of you don't feel comfortable with it politely decline.
  • Okay. I didn't know church showers were different. My FMIL told me I should just scrap it. I do feel slightly uncomfortable(I just want to invite everyone!) but I know if the situation was reversed and I was the church member not invited I would still want to give a gift.

    Thanks!
  • Yes, church and work showers have different rules. They are intended for a community of which you are a part to fete your upcoming nuptials, and it's understood that not everyone in that community can be invited to the wedding itself. This is a way for these communities to be involved with your big event even though they can't all attend.

    Declining could, thus, be seen as a snub. In most cases, these ladies won't expect to be invited to the wedding (the size of the church community could affect this, and some churches require the ceremony to be open to all members). You may attend the shower and accept the gifts without compunction.


    Powers  &8^]

  • Church showers, work, choral group and quilting group showers, any small group who all do not expect an invitation but are happy to party, are fine. It is good not to have them mix with regular showers, so expectations are clear.

    Neighbors in the small town I grew up in gave us enough small jars of preserves and honey, jugs of their farm coop maple syrup, home made fudge and candy, so I was crushing when new hubby pointed out one day, when this honey is gone, our stash is empty. Except about 10 containers of spices and several extracts for cooking. Inexpensive but much appreciated.
    Graciously go.
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