When will they learn?

Denise40 · January 2015

I belong to a group on Facebook that is for brides in our local area. Its for selling used items, getting inspiration, looking for vendors etc. I read a post this morning and when I read it, I was like OMG. Here is the post:

"Has anyone ever did a loan to pay for a weeding? We are getting married in April and I thought we had everything figured out to get it paid for, but it looks like we are going to be short. How do you go about doing that? Our parents are not paying for any of the wedding so it is just us."

Do brides really take out loans for their wedding???

bethsmiles · January 2015

Yup. This is more common than you would think. I work for a credit union and if someone mentions they or a family member are getting married we are supposed to suggest getting a home equity line of credit (basically a second mortgage) to help pay for it. But a lot of people come in asking for it themselves.

paperpusher · January 2015

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime.

I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May.
All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.

Denise40 · January 2015

paperpusher said:

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime. I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May. All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.

I sure could use $20k on something and it wouldn't be my wedding. Lol

lyndausvi · January 2015

Yes, people do.

We didn't, I would not recommend that. However, in this case the wedding is in a few months. It's possible if they already signed contracts, but it might be their only choice. I'm guessing the dress is bought, invitations might be already also. There might not be much they can cut 2.5 months out.

Although we were able to lower the flower budget a few months out. We actually were able to change everything up until 2 weeks out. We didn't cut because of cost reasons, although that was a bonus. Basically we figured out that sometimes when you try to hid something it actually draws attention on that very item. So we eliminated a lot of flowers. Turns out we had a storm and moved everything inside. So it would have been a totally waste of money had we kept them.

We could have cut our beverage budget 3 days out. We didn't, but we could have. It really just depends on contracts.

Denise40 · January 2015

It sounded like she was hoping to get financial help from family members and went ahead and booked everything and then the money never came from anyone else.

RebeccaFlower · January 2015

I totally judge people who take out loans for a wedding. I suppose it's better than putting it on a credit card.

I know a couple who took out a loan and then shortly after their wedding, they had some unforeseen medical expenses. I can't imagine their fancy cake and overpriced photography was worth it then.

mikenberger · January 2015

Denise40 said:

I belong to a group on Facebook that is for brides in our local area. Its for selling used items, getting inspiration, looking for vendors etc. I read a post this morning and when I read it, I was like OMG. Here is the post:

"Has anyone ever did a loan to pay for a weeding? We are getting married in April and I thought we had everything figured out to get it paid for, but it looks like we are going to be short. How do you go about doing that? Our parents are not paying for any of the wedding so it is just us."

Do brides really take out loans for their wedding???

How do you go about getting a loan? If you cannot figure out the Google dot com for "How to get a loan for a wedding" ... man there's just no help for you. It astounds me the lack of motivation for others to use search engines for their needs and just run immediately to Facebook. I'm a member of a local community page and that's all it is. "How late is X open?" "What is going (in this location)?"

Man. If only we had a place on the interwebz to go and put in what we're looking for and a list of possible results will show faster than a second... What a perfect world it would be.

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

I couldn't imagine taking out a loan for our wedding, but I know it's becoming increasingly common. DH and I knew we didn't want to change our lifestyle just to throw a party, so we had a long engagement, did a bunch of DIY, and upped our savings game so we could afford to host the etiquette-approved wedding we wanted.

larrygaga · January 2015

People go into debt for a million and one silly reasons.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

paperpusher said:
I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime.

I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May.
All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.

*********
We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things.

So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold.

15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding.

We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace.

More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.

bethsmiles · January 2015

WhatawagSBNy said:

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime. I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May. All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.
********* We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things. So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold. 15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding. We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace. More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.

A few weeks ago there was a post on NEY from a girl whose BF was planning on going into debt to buy her an engagement ring while he was still paying off his ex-wife's engagement ring!

cupcait927 · January 2015

bethsmiles said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime. I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May. All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.
********* We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things. So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold. 15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding. We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace. More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.

A few weeks ago there was a post on NEY from a girl whose BF was planning on going into debt to buy her an engagement ring while he was still paying off his ex-wife's engagement ring!

Whaaaa?? Please tell me you all told her to run far, far away.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

There used to be a notorious The Knot article on being a freespender, taking a loan for the wedding and just pay it off with your wedding present money, not sound advice.

bethsmiles · January 2015

cupcait927 said:

bethsmiles said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime. I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May. All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.
********* We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things. So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold. 15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding. We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace. More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.

A few weeks ago there was a post on NEY from a girl whose BF was planning on going into debt to buy her an engagement ring while he was still paying off his ex-wife's engagement ring!

Whaaaa?? Please tell me you all told her to run far, far away.

Oh yes, pretty much all the responses were along the lines of "WTF? Are you sure you want to get married to someone who is so irresponsible with money?"

KatWAG · January 2015

bethsmiles said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime. I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May. All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.
********* We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things. So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold. 15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding. We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace. More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.
A few weeks ago there was a post on NEY from a girl whose BF was planning on going into debt to buy her an engagement ring while he was still paying off his ex-wife's engagement ring!

Where can I find this thread?

VulgarGirl · January 2015

At least it's not a payday/title loan. You're better off with a loan shark.

bethsmiles · January 2015

KatWAG said:

bethsmiles said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

I actually took out a small loan to pay for our wedding even though we had the money saved. My feeling is it's going towards helping to build my credit history and I could pay it off at anytime. I actually just increased a loan amount for someone who came into my credit union for a home equity loan by $20k because his daughter got engaged Christmas Eve and is getting married in May. All I could think of was what I would prefer to spend $20k on over a wedding.
********* We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things. So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold. 15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding. We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace. More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.
A few weeks ago there was a post on NEY from a girl whose BF was planning on going into debt to buy her an engagement ring while he was still paying off his ex-wife's engagement ring!

Where can I find this thread?

It's 3 pages back on NEY. I also forgot that the OP was 18. The whole situation was a clusterfuck.

paperpusher · January 2015

Denise40 said:
I sure could use $20k on something and it wouldn't be my wedding. Lol

I've thought about it a lot and wedding wasn't even on my radar. How about using it to fix up my home? Or hell, getting a home that H and I both see as a forever home? Paying off our car loans or just tucking it away for savings?
H and I have decided that if we do have children we will save up money and give them a choice for the funds - down payment on a home or towards a wedding.

WhatawagSBNy said:

********* We took a loan for our honeymoon rather than cash the very few CD's I had stashed. I considered them untouchable for long term savings. But someone at the bank told us that since both of us went from the Army right to grad school with savings for tuition, and only occasionally charged anything, if we wanted a house within 2 years we could use some activity of the borrowed and paid back in a timely manner type. We both mostly pay cash or do not buy things. So many people I know did wedding loans, but most regretted later that they owed so much money when the economy tanked in 2008/2009. And the wedding had a lot of things like 4 or 5 K in flowers, champagne fountains and. two different dance bands at the reception. Nice stuff til the drop in the market and house prices left them with mortgages owing more than the house would make if sold. 15,000 more. Down Payment would have been better than so many fancy touches at the wedding. We paid our loan off in four months . People who got married 2 years ago told us they were still paying off a 4carat diamond. engagement ring with two carats in rubies also, and a ruby and diamond necklace. More than three years later paying an e ring off, what were they thinking.

This was my line of thinking. Your credit history needs a mix of both revolving credit (credit cards) and loans that are secured and unsecured with a fixed end date. With good repayment history it looks good when you go for that large loan like a home.

I don't regret taking it out, it was very small potatoes, .99% interest rate, 2 years. Will be paid off early due to making more than the minimum payments or earlier if I want to use what we had already saved for the wedding. I've done this for some of our appliances for our house. Washer, dryer, dishwasher. Works out nicely IMO.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

hellosweetie1015 · January 2015

Not gonna lie, if we weren't getting help from our parents, FI and I would be going to the courthouse. Possibly we would have already gone.

We're only having anything resembling a traditional wedding for the parents anyway, though, so I guess it's fitting.

There's no way in hell I'd get a loan for a party. Just saying.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

hellosweetie1015 said:
Not gonna lie, if we weren't getting help from our parents, FI and I would be going to the courthouse. Possibly we would have already gone.

We're only having anything resembling a traditional wedding for the parents anyway, though, so I guess it's fitting.

There's no way in hell I'd get a loan for a party. Just saying.

*************
Big difference, between a loan that is 5% or one person's after tax income, which I would do for a wedding or significant party for my parents 30th anniversary.

And borrowing 20 % of the total of both gross incomes ( b and g), especially when you have other outstanding credit card and school loan debt, so 50% of every paycheck for both of you goes to paying off the past, something which would make me stressed out for years.

charlottesmom0626 · January 2015

TBH when I was younger I just assumed everyone took out loans for weddings.

I just assumed no one could outright pay for a wedding (similar to a loan for a car), but I also wasn't actively planning a wedding and didn't realize you don't just show up, book it, write a check for 20k and then have a party.

Now that I'm actively planning and budgeting, Irealize how silly that thought was and it just would cause me so much anxiety to have that loan looming over our new life together.

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

charlottesmom0626 said:

TBH when I was younger I just assumed everyone took out loans for weddings.

I just assumed no one could outright pay for a wedding (similar to a loan for a car), but I also wasn't actively planning a wedding and didn't realize you don't just show up, book it, write a check for 20k and then have a party.

Now that I'm actively planning and budgeting, I realize how silly that thought was and it just would cause me so much anxiety to have that loan looming over our new life together.

Until I went to buy my first new car, I had no idea how prevalent car loans were. My family always paid cash for their cars. I thought I gave the salesman at the car dealership when I asked him how much to make the check out to for (I was 23 but had saved up for a long time to buy my very own, completely mine, in-my-own-name car). He kept insisting that I meet with the finance manager to discuss payment options and I was just completely confused that it was really that big of a thing.

KatieinBkln · January 2015

Cookie Pusher said:

charlottesmom0626 said:

TBH when I was younger I just assumed everyone took out loans for weddings.

I just assumed no one could outright pay for a wedding (similar to a loan for a car), but I also wasn't actively planning a wedding and didn't realize you don't just show up, book it, write a check for 20k and then have a party.

Now that I'm actively planning and budgeting, I realize how silly that thought was and it just would cause me so much anxiety to have that loan looming over our new life together.

Until I went to buy my first new car, I had no idea how prevalent car loans were. My family always paid cash for their cars. I thought I gave the salesman at the car dealership when I asked him how much to make the check out to for (I was 23 but had saved up for a long time to buy my very own, completely mine, in-my-own-name car). He kept insisting that I meet with the finance manager to discuss payment options and I was just completely confused that it was really that big of a thing.

Ha, my dad does this. But he treats it like a game. Lets them default to "this guy will need a loan" and uses that as a negotiating tactic to get the price down. Then when they start to usher him into the finance office, he nonchalantly goes, "Oh, I'll be paying with a cashier's check. That's okay, right?"

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

KatieinBkln said:

Cookie Pusher said:

charlottesmom0626 said:

TBH when I was younger I just assumed everyone took out loans for weddings.

I just assumed no one could outright pay for a wedding (similar to a loan for a car), but I also wasn't actively planning a wedding and didn't realize you don't just show up, book it, write a check for 20k and then have a party.

Now that I'm actively planning and budgeting, I realize how silly that thought was and it just would cause me so much anxiety to have that loan looming over our new life together.

Until I went to buy my first new car, I had no idea how prevalent car loans were. My family always paid cash for their cars. I thought I gave the salesman at the car dealership when I asked him how much to make the check out to for (I was 23 but had saved up for a long time to buy my very own, completely mine, in-my-own-name car). He kept insisting that I meet with the finance manager to discuss payment options and I was just completely confused that it was really that big of a thing.

Ha, my dad does this. But he treats it like a game. Lets them default to "this guy will need a loan" and uses that as a negotiating tactic to get the price down. Then when they start to usher him into the finance office, he nonchalantly goes, "Oh, I'll be paying with a cashier's check. That's okay, right?"

Yep, I got the price of my car down another 1k (it was already reduced like 3k), then wrote them a spiffy personal check and walked out with my shiny new car. I then started taking the money I would have been using for car payments and socking it away so I could buy a new car in cash when the time came. Too bad DH decided having a wedding was more important than me buying a convertible!

Bubblegum5586 · January 2015

My BIL and his first wife did this. It was her idea and he just went with it. I was a BM and she paid for my dress, shoes and hair, at the time I had no idea it was a loan she was tossing around. Unfortunately they divorced 18 months later.

It has already been 5-6 years since their wedding and BIL is remarried and him and his new wife are still paying off that loan! Blows my mind! I can't imagine helping my husband finish paying off a loan for a wedding to his ex....

sophhabobopha · January 2015

I wouldn't. I'm in school and have enough debt, thank you very much.

novella1186 · January 2015

So... when I was a kid I was really into folk music. Particularly Joan Baez. She had this song "where have all the flowers gone" with the refrain "when will they ever learn?"

The title of this thread got that song stuck in my head so bad, so I was walking around the house singing it just now, and FI goes "What is that, fucking folk music?" And I had to sit on the floor I was laughing so hard.

Thanks for that :P

When will they learn?

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