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This is one those where I'd love to hear the other side...the H OR the MIL.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudie,
I am in my late 20s and have been married to a wonderful guy “Dave” for three years. He and his mother have always had a very close relationship (which I think is great), especially when it comes to their mutual love for a local professional sports team. They have a tradition of going on trips to see their team play away games. This went on even after we began dating, and is continuing now that we are married and have our own home. I think it’s extremely bizarre for a married man in his early 30s to still be taking trips with his mother and sharing a hotel room. He has been on three trips with her in the six years that we have been together. (I was invited only once.) I have expressed to both of them that I don’t think it’s appropriate that these trips are still taking place, and I was basically shrugged off. (His father doesn’t seem to see any problem with it.) Now they have another trip coming up, which they booked without consulting me. I have no problem with their attending a few home games per year together, but I think it’s time that these overnight trips came to an end. I definitely don’t want this continuing once we have children. Should I put my foot down, or should I just accept that this a tradition that is going to continue despite my efforts to put an end to it?

—Starting to Feel Like the Other Woman

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Re: This is one those where I'd love to hear the other side...the H OR the MIL.

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What?

    I honestly wonder if this would be such a big deal to her if it were her husband and his dad.

    Shoot, I have a friend who's DH goes on football trips with her dad probably once a year.  She doesn't care.  Either this woman needs to join in the sporting love or let it go.  And 3 trips in 6 years?  That's nothing.  She's jealous.
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  • 0Face0Face member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I scoffed at the same thing, V.  3 trips in 6 years?

    I take about 2-3 year with my dad alone on a weekend for races.  H never has expressed anything rather than encouragement and excitement for me.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    Yeah, the writer pretty much sounds like a controlling shrew. 
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    I see no issue with this IF it's not interfering with finances or something else important as a couple.

    A trip they can afford on a weekend nothing else is happening- go for it. 

    A trip on the credit card on the weekend of her parents 50th anniversary party-nope.

    She seems hung up on the hotel room though.  I wonder if separate rooms would make her feel better?

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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I bet she wouldn't have a problem if her DH was taking these trips with his dad. That irritates me.

    She needs to build a bridge and get over it.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    If they don't have kids or have a reliable overnight sitter (FIL, maybe) - the wife should take these opportunities to do a spa weekend by herself or do something with her friends or family. 

    I think it's a little odd, but if they can afford it, and it's not interfering with big events (say the wife's birthday or their anniversary) or daily life (3 times in 6 years, no.) - then it's not really a big deal. 
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  • GBCKGBCK member
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    I'm guessing that the wife is actually upset because there's time/$ for MIL's trips w/ him but not her trips with im.

    At least that's the only way not to concur on controlling shrew idea.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrs.conn23 said:
    Yeah, the writer pretty much sounds like a controlling shrew. 

    Yea - she sounds insecure in her own person..  I can't think of a scenario that I wouldn't be like "can I help you pack so you aren't stressed and can fully enjoy your trip" if DH wanted to take MIL OOT on a trip somewhere.  I can't see the hotel room issue being a big one because only one room is what makes it affordable and efficient for travel. 

    Just as time together in a relationship/marriage is important, time away from eachother is equally or more important. 

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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    She said that they were doing this before she came into the picture. When someone expects something to change because now they are married I think that is pretty lame.

    I spend a ton of time with my dad and go on trips (typically with my sister too). H has never once made me feel like this was inapropraite. 
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