Help! Me and MOH don't agree on bachelorette party

zigzag89 · January 2015

So last night me and my MOH were talking about my bachelorette party and I've realized we have different visions for the weekend. She wants to plan something in DC, that involves clubbing and renting a place off of Airbnb. The issues is I don't like clubbing, and I live right outside of DC, so the idea of paying to rent a place so close to my apartment isn't really appealing.

I'm not really sure how to tell her that I would want something different. When we talked I told her I wasn't really on board with her idea, but I felt like she kinda of brushed it off and didn't really like my other suggestions.

She's planning this for August so I have time, but I'm half afraid she'll everything planned and booked wayy in advance.

Blue_Bird · January 2015

zigzag89 said:

So last night me and my MOH were talking about my bachelorette party and I've realized we have different visions for the weekend. She wants to plan something in DC, that involves clubbing and renting a place off of Airbnb. The issues is I don't like clubbing, and I live right outside of DC, so the idea of paying to rent a place so close to my apartment isn't really appealing.

I'm not really sure how to tell her that I would want something different. When we talked I told her I wasn't really on board with her idea, but I felt like she kinda of brushed it off and didn't really like my other suggestions.

She's planning this for August so I have time, but I'm half afraid she'll everything planned and booked wayy in advance.

She should plan something that she thinks you'll enjoy, not just something that she'll enjoy. That said, you really can't be the one in charge or the planner here. You can make suggestions if asked for them, but in the end, you can take the party she's planned or leave it. What did you have in mind?

Blue_Bird · January 2015

And is she planning a party for you AND making you pay?

zigzag89 · January 2015

I wouldn't mind doing what she has planned just in a different location, I'm think the beach since it will be in the summer. I mentioned the beach to her and she didn't want to do any of the MD/DE beaches. She suggested Myrtle beach which is an 8 drive for me.

The way she was talking everyone would be paying for their share.

Blue_Bird · January 2015

zigzag89 said:

I wouldn't mind doing what she has planned just in a different location, I'm think the beach since it will be in the summer. I mentioned the beach to her and she didn't want to do any of the MD/DE beaches. She suggested Myrtle beach which is an 8 drive for me.

The way she was talking everyone would be paying for their share.

Well, unfortunately, if it isn't doable for you or something you're interested in, you can just politely decline it. That's all you can do.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

zigzag89 said:

I wouldn't mind doing what she has planned just in a different location, I'm think the beach since it will be in the summer. I mentioned the beach to her and she didn't want to do any of the MD/DE beaches. She suggested Myrtle beach which is an 8 drive for me.

The way she was talking everyone would be paying for their share.

I think you need to tell your MOH that you appreciate her wanting to plan this party for you but that need to decline the offer.

And you mentioned that everyone will be paying their own way. Has your MOH asked anyone for their budget? Because going away for a weekend or renting a place and clubbing may not be in everyone's price range.

peachy13 · January 2015

That's a tough one. I hate clubbing too and my bridal party knows it. Beach and cocktails for us.

If it were me, I might (without viciously going behind your MOH's back) talk to some of your bridesmaids and feel them out on what they ideally want to do. Someone might have a really great idea that your MOH hasn't thought of yet. And if all of them hate clubbing, it might be a good idea to talk to your MOH anyway and let her know that "I'm not really sure if the other girls are really into clubbing" and then suggest a few other ideas.

zigzag89 · January 2015

The other bridesmaid hates clubbing too.

One of the main issues is that the 4 of us are in four different states. So where ever we go will be out of town for someone.

She emailed me today saying she is on a very tight budget and will be checking with the other BMs about their budgets.

peachy13 · January 2015

zigzag89 said:

The other bridesmaid hates clubbing too.

One of the main issues is that the 4 of us are in four different states. So where ever we go will be out of town for someone.

She emailed me today saying she is on a very tight budget and will be checking with the other BMs about their budgets.

If everyone's low on funds, I might suggest doing something really low-key, like a slumber party at the MOH's place, etc. Not the most exciting and crazy thing, but I bet it would be fun. You could do a pizza and cocktail party, watch a bunch of movies, and then go out for a classy brunch in the morning.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

My girlfriend lives in DC and her bach was hitting a few wineries. I couldn't go so I can't give a first hand account, but it looked really fun.

If you're not into clubbing, just tell her, "Clubbing doesn't sound fun. Let's brainstorm something else." And then only say yes to something you actually want to do.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

zigzag89 said:

The other bridesmaid hates clubbing too.

One of the main issues is that the 4 of us are in four different states. So where ever we go will be out of town for someone.

She emailed me today saying she is on a very tight budget and will be checking with the other BMs about their budgets.

A few things…

I think it's ok to mention to her that you would prefer not to go clubbing;

If renting a place on airbnb is something that everyone can afford (in my experience, it is generally cheaper than renting hotel rooms) then you should probably not say anything about that. It'll be a nice little getaway with your girlfriends.

If four of you are in different states, then you may not end up having the "dream" bachelorette party with everyone in attendance because it could be beyond your BMs budgets. I had four bridesmaids and all but two of us lived in different cities so I ended up having a bachelorette party on the west coast with only two of the bridesmaids and other friends. It was a blast. The BMs then surprised me with a "girls spa afternoon" the day before the wedding when we were all in the same city.

AddieCake · January 2015

If you don't want to have a party where you go clubbing, then you need to tell her that. And ditto PPs on checking with everyone about their budgets before she dives into planning mode.

kellyem2 · January 2015

I know it seems like a waste to rent a place so close to where you live, but you really shouldn't have to play hostess for your bachelorette party. That's especially true considering you aren't the hostess, your MOH is. As long as renting another venue is budget-friendly for your guests, I'd let that one slide.

You do still have a right so speak up if she's planning activities that aren't your taste. Clubbing or similar activities are really traditional so maybe that's why she's sticking with that idea? Since she's mentioned that she'll be checking with the other girls about their budgets, maybe suggest that she asks the other girls about what kind of event they'd like to have too.

Since you said the other girls don't like clubbing either, maybe your MOH will change her mind about the idea if they all say they'd rather do something else.

zigzag89 · January 2015

So she's started checking with the other girls, and has realized most of us can't afford a long-weekend away.

I'm thinking we might just do something the day before the wedding, like getting our nails done, and just do a girls weekend after the wedding.

mlg78 · January 2015

Why the heck have bachelorette parties become multi-day and so elaborate? I just don't get it. Go to dinner, get some drinks, celebrate and go home/hotel. Given that she even said she's low on funds, I'm baffled as to why she's trying to plan something like this. I hate clubbing too...that's why we went to dinner and then hit up a few bars in the area. I highly doubt anyone spent more than $60.

apromise22 · January 2015

mlg78 said:

Why the heck have bachelorette parties become multi-day and so elaborate? I just don't get it. Go to dinner, get some drinks, celebrate and go home/hotel. Given that she even said she's low on funds, I'm baffled as to why she's trying to plan something like this. I hate clubbing too...that's why we went to dinner and then hit up a few bars in the area. I highly doubt anyone spent more than $60.

Agreed. It all just seems so exhausting to me. I also don't know how people afford this (especially if they're in multiple weddings in a year.)

I blame social media--people see pictures of their friends on their 3 day, out of town bachelorette extravaganzas and feel inadequate/unloved if their friends don't do the same for them (or inadequate if they don't plan one for their friend).

kat1114 · January 2015

mlg78 said:

Why the heck have bachelorette parties become multi-day and so elaborate? I just don't get it. Go to dinner, get some drinks, celebrate and go home/hotel. Given that she even said she's low on funds, I'm baffled as to why she's trying to plan something like this. I hate clubbing too...that's why we went to dinner and then hit up a few bars in the area. I highly doubt anyone spent more than $60.

I'm not against multi-day bachelorette parties if everyone is okay with the price. All of my friends/bridesmaids that I wanted to invite to my bachelorette live in different cities/states, so if we were going to do something, inevitably travel would be involved. If even a few of us lived in the same place, I would have been fine doing something low-key and local.

My bridesmaid that planned everything asked me for a list of things I was interested in doing, got everyone's budget/input, and then had everyone vote on a destination.

I don't think it has to be a complicated thing, so long as the person doing the planning is considerate.

mealee · January 2015

Please tell your MOH that you absolutely do not want to go clubbing if you don't. I'm not a "clubber" and this is what was planned for me. I thought I'd be okay with it but I had a horrible time and left after only being out for a hour. The rest of the girls are kinda mad that I left but and not staying where I didn't want to be(and possibly a diva).

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

The general nature of the party is something Bach party hosting people should inquire about. Basics.

The general etiquette is clear: When you host a party with a guest of honor, you would not serve as main course something the honoree hates or is allergic to, take an orthodox religious person to a stripper bar on their Sabbath, or anything else which places them outside of their comfort zone, which clubbing may do.

There is no obligation to work miracles or go broke to cater to every fantasy of the honoree's idea of the perfect party. But you do not discomfort them.

Help! Me and MOH don't agree on bachelorette party

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