Wedding Etiquette Forum

Exchanging shower/wedding gifts

Hi all!

I have a question about gift exchanges. I come from a huge, tight-knit family and myself along w/ 2 of my cousins are getting married this year. I was wondering if it would be tacky to write them a friendly note to gauge interest to see if we all just wanted to opt-out of getting each other gifts and just say save your money and spend it on yourself. I just figure that way they can get exactly what they'd want, and it would be one less thing we all have to worry about. What's the point of just passing money back-and-forth? It's mainly for convenience, honestly, but since gift-giving can at times be stressful, I just figured it would make life easier for everyone.

I guess I just don't know if that would be acceptable or not. I'm totally for giving presents, but it just seems redundant to give and get stuff to and from the same people. Maybe I'm thinking too practically and not enough emotionally lol! What do you all think?

Re: Exchanging shower/wedding gifts

  • Hi all!

    I have a question about gift exchanges. I come from a huge, tight-knit family and myself along w/ 2 of my cousins are getting married this year. I was wondering if it would be tacky to write them a friendly note to gauge interest to see if we all just wanted to opt-out of getting each other gifts and just say save your money and spend it on yourself. I just figure that way they can get exactly what they'd want, and it would be one less thing we all have to worry about. What's the point of just passing money back-and-forth? It's mainly for convenience, honestly, but since gift-giving can at times be stressful, I just figured it would make life easier for everyone.

    I guess I just don't know if that would be acceptable or not. I'm totally for giving presents, but it just seems redundant to give and get stuff to and from the same people. Maybe I'm thinking too practically and not enough emotionally lol! What do you all think?
    No. Gifts are not to be expected. I would be offended by this.
  • Don't do this.  It screams that you are expecting a gift, and gifts should never be expected/required. 


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  • I guess I didn't even think of that since we're family and obviously I'm going to get them something... OK, thanks for the input.
  • Yep, totally get where you're coming from, but I still wouldn't do it.  I'm really good at both saving money and being creative.  Like, if I decided to buy you some towels off your registry, I'd wait for a sale, use a coupon AND possibly a gift card (which I consider free money), then combine the towels with a jar of my homemade natural sugar scrub.  Or, if I decided to buy a cheese board and cheese spreaders off your registry, I'd include some olive oil infused with herbs from my garden.  It would seem like a much bigger gift than just the amount I spent, and putting the thought and effort into the gift would give me a great deal of satisfaction.  Why would you not want to do that for your cousins who you care for?
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    What about on Christmas? Do you all exchange gifts then? Because it's kind of similar.... 

    I would feel a little bit offended if one of my family members said "let's not waste time giving each other gifts, go buy yourself something" because I LOVE giving gifts. I put a lot of time and thought into picking things out and I get really excited to give it to the person. Sometimes I even put tons of planning and work into a DIY thing, like a painting, so it's more sentimental and personal. 

    Not everyone thinks of gift-giving as just a financial exchange. 

    This. I'd be pretty offended by your note. I put a lot of time/thought into what I give people as gifts because I love gift giving. I'd be pretty hurt if you suggested gift giving was just a financial exchange.

    ETA: Why bother giving gifts ever if that is the thought process? If I give you a gift for you birthday then you give me one for mine or we all exchange gifts for Christmas, it's the same thing.



  • What about on Christmas? Do you all exchange gifts then? Because it's kind of similar.... 

    I would feel a little bit offended if one of my family members said "let's not waste time giving each other gifts, go buy yourself something" because I LOVE giving gifts. I put a lot of time and thought into picking things out and I get really excited to give it to the person. Sometimes I even put tons of planning and work into a DIY thing, like a painting, so it's more sentimental and personal. 

    Not everyone thinks of gift-giving as just a financial exchange. 

    This. I'd be pretty offended by your note. I put a lot of time/thought into what I give people as gifts because I love gift giving. I'd be pretty hurt if you suggested gift giving was just a financial exchange.

    ETA: Why bother giving gifts ever if that is the thought process? If I give you a gift for you birthday then you give me one for mine or we all exchange gifts for Christmas, it's the same thing.

    This. When it comes to gifts I put a lot of thought and time and energy into my selection because I LOVE giving gifts. I'd be hurt if someone only saw it as a monetary transaction.
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  • Also, a shower is all about the gifts (physical gifts, not money or gift cards). I can't imagine attending a shower and not bringing a gift, regardless of the reason or if it was decided ahead of time. If you're not going to give a gift, you really shouldn't attend a shower.
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