I always suspected I had ADHD inattentive type, but never bothered getting it looked into. I finished college the first time and figured if I was a little attention defecit in the field I was in, no biggie. I have a number of rituals and coping skills that essentially get me through the day.
A series of events prompted me to finally go. I decided to go back to school for nursing, and I knew the analytical side would be a challenge. I stumbled on a thread on a nursing forum about it where people were sharing their experiences and I was like oh my God, I am reading about myself.
Like we all know what ADHD. Daydreaming, not paying attention, forgetful, flaky, hyper if that's your thing, whatever. But the more informal descriptions really got me. Things like always having a ton of tabs open on the computer, and internet basically being like crack in the first place. Having OCD like rituals- the keys MUST GO ON THE RING OR THEY WILL BE LOST TO MOUNT DOOM (or possibly the refrigerator). Sensation seeking through food or lack thereof, drugs, sex, endorphins. Coffee coffee coffee all the time, but no jitters. Difficulty focusing, but if it's something interesting good luck interrupting. Symptoms of anxiety and depression stemming from failures from lack of attention. Being smart and creative but not doing well in school. Having a hard time making friends. Struggling with finances. On and on, it was like a 12 page thread and I devoured it.
Then that week I made a med error at work and I ripped off the sideview mirror of my car backing out of my garage, so I finally made arrangements. At this point in my life I feel pretty content with myself, but am afraid my lapses of attention would eventually cause me to harm someone as a nurse.
Let me tell you, all that stuff people say about psychs diagnosing ADHD willy nilly is a bunch of crap. I had to go in for appointments a ton of times and probably spent around a grand since my insurance sucks. I saw a counselor, who referred me to a therapist, who referred me to a nurse practitioner, who referred me to a psychologist that I had to see three times, and back to the nurse practitioner whom I have to continue seeing on a regular basis to make sure my meds are going well. I had to submit to potential drug testing to affirm that I am not on illicit drugs and I am, in fact, on my drugs to ensure I'm not selling them. I have to see her before each refill and I can only refill up to 3 days before running out, can only go to one pharmacy, etc. I couldn't call the pharmacy and have it ready when I got there, I had to give them the physical slip of paper.
So anyway. I got put on 20 mg Adderall extended release and I took it for the first time this morning. WHOA. This is how normal people think? Trippy. I went to class and still had lapses of attention here and there but overall I was actually absorbing what they were saying instead of being interrupted by thoughts like "I should go to Trader Joes" and stranger and more existential things. I thought I would hate only thinking about one thing at a time but so far it's fucking amazeballs. I drove home and actually paid attention to where I was at without having to check in on myself periodically. I feel awake. I was put on Zoloft before getting the Adderall to rule out depression as being the cause of my lax attention, and I did feel a little bit better so I'm still on it (Was diagnosed with depression 7 years ago but haven't been on meds for years) but now I really don't think I need it. I really think all my problems stem from the ADHD.
Hopefully I don't crash down when it wears off but I don't think it will as I don't feel high, which kinda confirms that I have it. I just feel clarity and it's so alien. Maybe a little bit manic-ish but I think I am just so excited that it's working and am amazed by the possibilities.
That got long. Just wanted to share. Yay for better living through chemistry.