Showers....who's invited?

meguydo · January 2015

My FI's and my mom have not yet met...and...it's just a complicated issue. My MOH/mom are just now starting the shower process. What is the etiquette for bridal showers? Do they include people from both sides of the list? Just mine? I'll gladly take any and all opinions!

Thank you!

AddieCake · January 2015

Typically, it's both sides, unless you are having multiple showers.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

meguido said:

My FI's and my mom have not yet met...and...it's just a complicated issue. My MOH/mom are just now starting the shower process. What is the etiquette for bridal showers? Do they include people from both sides of the list? Just mine? I'll gladly take any and all opinions!
Thank you!

It's usually the women who are closest to the bride and groom. His mom, sisters, aunts, maybe cousins, and BFF's. Same for the bride.

flantastic · January 2015

What Addie said, plus everyone on the shower guest list has to be invited to the wedding - so if you're not entirely sure if second cousin Sarah will be getting an invite, leave her off the shower list.

My MIL knew this, I think, but still invited some of her own friends who she wanted invited to the wedding but whom we had never had on the guest list, A ) because she wanted to show off her fancy shower hosting and B ) in a ploy to shame us into giving them a wedding invite. B ), at least, didn't work and she looked really rude. We told her not to do it, but found out last minute she had.

Hopefully, your mom and MOH are more sensible. However, if you have inklings of this sort of thing ahead of time, just say no to the shower - you "won't be able to attend a party where people will be treated that way" (i.e. seemingly good enough to get you a gift, but not good enough to attend the wedding).

meguydo · January 2015

Thanks for the feedback!

I'd like to avoid the drama of combining the his and hers together, but the MIL has not offered a shower. I also don't know more than 2 or 3 of the women that would/should be invited. So, that's another challenge!

[Deleted User] · January 2015

meguido said:

Thanks for the feedback!
I'd like to avoid the drama of combining the his and hers together, but the MIL has not offered a shower. I also don't know more than 2 or 3 of the women that would/should be invited. So, that's another challenge!

Invite them. They don't have to come if they'd be uncomfortable. And honestly, if both sides do finally meet, it will be a lot less stressful for you to have them meet for the first time on "neutral ground" rather than at your new home for a Thanksgiving dinner cooked by your FH after 6 years of dating. (Yes, that's how we got the families together for the first time this past November. Sigh.)

poodledoodleooo · January 2015

There's also no wrong way to split showers. I'm actually have three - each one hosted by my sister, Fi's sister and then my MOH. It worked out well that way, though it kind of gets complicated to make time for three separate parties! All are pretty small though, two will be less than 10 people and one was about 15. All moms and sisters were invited to both "family" showers. The friends shower will be strictly my "special circle" of friends (sorry, "special circle" isn't really a good way to say it, but there isn't really a good way to describe my superclose friend-group).

Unless your the families are total drama lamas, or totally HUGE it probably won't be a big deal if you just combine them.

I also vote for inviting them - you can use it as a chance to get to know them, and like PP said, they can always decline.

rdixon571 · January 2015

I was wondering this too but mostly in regards to the bridesmaids. I don't care what the answer is but I don't know what's typical/acceptable.

My family and his family will be having separate showers on the same weekend (Saturday and Sunday). Eventually I'll be asked who to invite to which.

My extended family is very very close-knit. Aunts/Uncles/Cousins.... we're all very very close.

Should only my mom and sis be invited to the other fam's shower? Should even they be invited to the other fam's shower at all? Should the bridesmaids be invited to only one? Or both? I have no clue.

flantastic · January 2015

rdixon571 said:

I was wondering this too but mostly in regards to the bridesmaids. I don't care what the answer is but I don't know what's typical/acceptable.
My family and his family will be having separate showers on the same weekend (Saturday and Sunday). Eventually I'll be asked who to invite to which.
My extended family is very very close-knit. Aunts/Uncles/Cousins.... we're all very very close.
Should only my mom and sis be invited to the other fam's shower? Should even they be invited to the other fam's shower at all? Should the bridesmaids be invited to only one? Or both? I have no clue.

Don't invite the same people to more than one shower - they'll feel obligated to give you a gift for each. If the one is your side of the family and the other is your FI's, let it be that way. You could ask your bridesmaids if one or the other day (or neither) would work better in their schedule.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I'm having my mom and aunt along with my bridesmaids from my hometown host and help plan my side of the family bridal shower. My FI's mom and aunt are hosting one for their side of the family and my bridesmaids closer to their hometown will be going to that shower. I'm not sure yet on having my mom come to his side and his mom and sister(bridesmaid) come to my side? Our families live about 4.5 hours apart so we have to have 2. Do little kids such as cousins come to these? My 2 little cousins are flower girls along with his littlest sister. My FI's side of the family is HUGE while mine is pretty small. Do I just wait and see who all RSVP's and if they list kids great and if not then thats fine too?

flantastic · January 2015

allirose4 said:

I'm having my mom and aunt along with my bridesmaids from my hometown host and help plan my side of the family bridal shower. My FI's mom and aunt are hosting one for their side of the family and my bridesmaids closer to their hometown will be going to that shower. I'm not sure yet on having my mom come to his side and his mom and sister(bridesmaid) come to my side? Our families live about 4.5 hours apart so we have to have 2. Do little kids such as cousins come to these? My 2 little cousins are flower girls along with his littlest sister. My FI's side of the family is HUGE while mine is pretty small. Do I just wait and see who all RSVP's and if they list kids great and if not then thats fine too?

First bolded - there's no need for your immediate family to attend each other's showers. That's part of the point of having the two separate ones. If for no other reason, they'll feel obligated to get your two separate shower gifts plus a wedding gift, which they shouldn't have to do.

Little kids could come, but most people don't see the point. I don't think I've ever heard of a shower where they came or were invited. They can't really participate.

Showers....who's invited?

Re: Showers....who's invited?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards