Wedding Party

Jr Bridesmaid - Age 11 - thank you

bluedaisies18bluedaisies18 member
First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
edited February 2015 in Wedding Party
Thank you for your feedback.

Re: Jr Bridesmaid - Age 11 - thank you

  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    meg4117 said:
    I spent about 3 years of my life as an in-between in my career where I nannied for a family that when all was said and done we are close as family.  I started when they were 3 and 4, and left when they were 6 and 7.  It has been about four years since I finished caring daily for the kids, but I am still extremely close with the family.  Since the girl was young she was always drawing her bridesmaid dress for my wedding, and on my most recent trip "home" she asked if she would be included in our wedding.

    My boyfriend and I do not want to have children, it is non-negotiable he does understand how much the children I nannied for mean to me, and my desire to include them in our wedding.  Yes, I do not have a diamond on my finger but he has assured me we are getting engaged this year, and I know how much the knotters hate this.

    My question comes from this.... How do I include a now 10 year old, who if we are lucky and get 2016 wedding date, will be 11, and realistically 2017 when shes 12 - how do I include her in the wedding?  She is the daughter I will never have... How do I include her and her brother in the wedding -her mother is 100% on board - I just do not know how to include them.  Her mom constantly says you will be "Meg's Bridesmaid" and perpetuates it even though I am 32.
    Bridesmaid.  Or flower girl  or reader.  But "jr bridesmaid" is not a thing.

    ETA sorry, missed that you said you wanted to include the brother too.  He can also stand on your side as a bridesman.
    Anniversary

    image
  • Hi - In what I read jr bridesmaid was such a thing - regardless of the title, I reached out for help on the role - what do people do for important girls and boys that do not fit into traditional roles?
  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    meg4117 said:
    Hi - In what I read jr bridesmaid was such a thing - regardless of the title, I reached out for help on the role - what do people do for important girls and boys that do not fit into traditional roles?
    My response is the same: bridesmaids/bridesmen.  Reader.  Flower girl/ring bearer.

    "Non traditional roles" tends to translate into positions that constitute to a photo prop (i.e., sign holder) and not an actual honor.  What's wrong with these more "traditional" roles that I previously mentioned?

    ETA words
    Anniversary

    image
    esstee33
  • While I appreciate your opinion, I was hoping for more feedback - I love your GIF as that is a huge pasttime of mine.... I am now realizing I was stupid to come on this site and expect anyone that was willing to truly help me.
    aphrodite0869
  • I think the best solution is for the brother to pull the sister in a wagon, while she holds a sign that says, "Here comes our former nanny! "
  • Do you truly want them in your wedding party? It seems like the daughter and mom are pushing for this. If you do, bridesmaid/man is the only option...but being a guest is an honor too, of course.
  • A young bridesmaid or bridesman, this brother and sister, are fine to stand up with you even if no other children come to the wedding. A bride's choice of attendants is one of the few things the groom does not get to vote on.

    A Jr. Bridesmaid is the same as any bridesmaid, except young, so that a dress would not have a sexy adult style, and she would not make any toast with alcohol. Many people call them all bridesmaids.

    A bridesman is assumed to be on the brides side, but may have a role as ring bearor (instead of best man) or may carry flowers or hold a bride's bouquet during vows, in place of any bridesmaid or the maid of honor. He may be in the procession or wait at the altar.
  • Not all knotties have a problem with people not formally engaged.

    Some of us think it is quite intelligent for anyone thinking of marriage to think ahead and learn appropriate etiquette. Welcome!

    You are engaged when you have mutually agreed to get married.

    You may not get a ring for months, and you may not get a ring ever if you do not want one, but you are still engaged.

    bluedaisies18
  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    meg4117 said:
    I spent about 3 years of my life as an in-between in my career where I nannied for a family that when all was said and done we are close as family.  I started when they were 3 and 4, and left when they were 6 and 7.  It has been about four years since I finished caring daily for the kids, but I am still extremely close with the family.  Since the girl was young she was always drawing her bridesmaid dress for my wedding, and on my most recent trip "home" she asked if she would be included in our wedding.

    My boyfriend and I do not want to have children, it is non-negotiable he does understand how much the children I nannied for mean to me, and my desire to include them in our wedding.  Yes, I do not have a diamond on my finger but he has assured me we are getting engaged this year, and I know how much the knotters hate this.

    My question comes from this.... How do I include a now 10 year old, who if we are lucky and get 2016 wedding date, will be 11, and realistically 2017 when shes 12 - how do I include her in the wedding?  She is the daughter I will never have... How do I include her and her brother in the wedding -her mother is 100% on board - I just do not know how to include them.  Her mom constantly says you will be "Meg's Bridesmaid" and perpetuates it even though I am 32.
    Knotters don't hate people who plan without a ring. Knotters hate those who think the lack of a ring means you aren't engaged. But if you and he have agreed to get married and are planning a wedding, you are engaged, regardless of whether there is a ring or he's officially asked you. 

    The point regarding jr bridesmaids not being a thing is that regardless of age, bridal attendants are all the same thing. There are no duties or jobs for a woman, whether she is 12, 22, or 62 and stands next to a bride. It's all honorary titles and all they have to do is show up in a dress and smile for pretty pictures. So its silly to give an additional title like "junior bridesmaid" when it doesn't actually have any meaning outside of  making the young girl feel less than because she doesn't get the full title. 

    So your options are bridesmaid/bridesman or flower girl/ring bearer or readers.
    image
    bluedaisies18
  • meg4117 said:
    While I appreciate your opinion, I was hoping for more feedback - I love your GIF as that is a huge pasttime of mine.... I am now realizing I was stupid to come on this site and expect anyone that was willing to truly help me.

    image

    OP, we are trying to help you. There's no good reason they can't be bridal attendants without a special title (can you provide us with one?), and if you try to give them a "lesser" or "junior" title, all it does is point out to everyone that they're young, which really is unnecessary and may be hurtful to the kids.

    artbyallieslothiegalesstee33
  • Why are you so against just calling her a bridesmaid?
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    esstee33
  • "Junior" bridesmaid is a merchandising term invented by retailers to specify size, and was adopted into mainstream wedding-speak. It's unnecessary, and silly, and usually not appreciated at all by the young ladies, who would much rather be called a "bridesmaid." Because that's what they are. 
    When her mother "constantly says you will be "Meg's Bridesmaid" and perpetuates it even though I am 32," her mother is correct. 
    If you plan on her being in the wedding, I'm not sure why you're so stressed about adding the extra designator to the title. 
    Children are frequently in weddings. 

    imageimage

    And it's obviously nothing new.....
    image

    I guess I'm not sure what question exactly it is you're asking. Could you please clarify?
  • AddieCake said:
    How the hell is telling you to make them readers or wedding party members NOT helping you?! If you don't see that as help, then you are right. You SHOULDN'T come on here asking advice because you don't know what help and advice even ARE.
    I always used to get this at my old job. Patron would ask question. I would give answer they didn't like. Patron told me I wasn't very helpful and didn't answer their question and they were going to go ask somebody else.

    Me not giving you the answer you wanted does not mean I didn't answer your question.
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • esstee33esstee33 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    I really, honestly do not understand why your pantyhose are so wadded about this. If you want her in your bridal party, she can be a bridesmaid. There's absolutely no reason to point out unnecessarily how young she is by adding "junior" to the title -- it's totally useless at best, and super hurtful to her at worst. 
    [Deleted User]
  • In reading numerous threads about this over a long period of time since it comes up periodically, the only thing I've been able to figure out about why this becomes such a sticking point for some people is because they are afraid that by calling them a "bridesmaid" instead of a "junior bridesmaid" that means they'll have to actually treat these shorter human beings as equals and that really puts a damper on all their wedding fun.  But by calling them "juniors", you can play the semantics game that they aren't really bridesmaids and therefore don't have to be considered or included in all the grown-up fun.

    Because otherwise - what is the advantage to referring to them as "junior"?  What does pointing out their age difference buy you?  In the case of the 32 year old OP, should you also be listed in the program as "former spinster" to highlight that you're getting married at the ripe old age of 33 or 34?  Should your parents be referred to as the "Aged Parents of the Bride"?  Or maybe "Retiring"? 

    Either honor them with the role or don't - but don't make it about their age.
    amelisha[Deleted User]
  • Oh good, a DD.
  • esstee33esstee33 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    Oh good, a DD.
    And apparently changed her username along the way? Uhhh, OK. 

    OP, you were quoted, so there's absolutely no sense in deleting your post. We can still read it in responses to it. Not only that, but now future people will have a harder time finding the post and learning from it if they have the same or a similar question. 
  • Oh FFS. 

    @bluedaisies18‌ aka @meg4117, I would love it if you answered my original question of what was wrong with the roles I suggested.
    Anniversary

    image
  • Sigh. Just another snowflakey Monday around here then.

    Formerly martha1818

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    esstee33
  • Sigh. Just another snowflakey Monday around here then.
    It seems to mostly happen on days that end in a Y.
    lovegood90slothiegalesstee33
  • Hi - In what I read jr bridesmaid was such a thing - regardless of the title, I reached out for help on the role - what do people do for important girls and boys that do not fit into traditional roles?

    While I appreciate your opinion, I was hoping for more feedback - I love your GIF as that is a huge pasttime of mine.... I am now realizing I was stupid to come on this site and expect anyone that was willing to truly help me.
    Since she DD'd the main post already. 


    image
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