International couple wanting to get married, HELP

Re: International couple wanting to get married, HELP

• bride2b71614 member

  

  February 2015

  FI's cousin did this. Unfortunately there is no way that you can ensure half of his family could be there. I think the only way to allow all of his VIPs to attend is apply for visas as soon as his goes through. FIs cousin didn't apply for his wife's family's visas in a timely manner and there were zero family members from her side at the wedding.
  
  I understand your concern about the 90 day limit, but you can totally plan a wedding in three months. You can buy a dress of the rack, you can find a reception hall quickly (a restaurant will do), book a JOP, get some flowers and you're done. Yes planning a wedding in a short amount of time is stressful, and the fact that you have zero control of when his visa goes through makes it even more stressful. That being said PLEASE DO NOT HAVE A PRETTY PRINCESS DAY! Your wedding day only occurs once. If his family isn't there, that's a choice you make, and a choice you'll have to be okay with.

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• WildMagelet member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  A wedding is totally plannable in 90 days.  Just because you don't know *when* your wedding will be, doesn't mean you can't plan other things.

  
  

  If I were you, I would:

  - Talk to your VIPs about their plans for the year.  Keep a calendar/spreadsheet of which days you know are a no-go and which days you think would work best in possible time frames.
  

  - Save money.  You know you're going to be getting married even if you don't have a date picked out.  Go ahead and start saving for it.

  - Decide how big of a wedding you want.  If small, look into restaurants with big enough private meeting rooms.  2-3 months should be plenty of time to reserve one of these side rooms.  If larger, consider looking at catering companies and price local community centers/Knights of Columbus halls/American Legions/etc.  These places will be less expensive and easier to book on short notice than fancier halls and hotels. You can pick out your food choices and you'll know your pricing options & contact information for other places.  

  - Go ahead and pick out your wedding dress.  Considering buying off the rack just so you didn't have to worry about it being on-order if his visa came through earlier than expected.  You can also plan out your general hair/make-up preferences.

  - Buy/build print-your-own invitation suites.  You can then either print or add calligraphy when you know the when and wheres.  If you have your guest list decided you could go ahead and already address the envelopes.

  - Do non-floral or silk floral decor & bouquets.  They can be finished ahead of time and stored until ready for use.  An alternative would be renting whats already available from a rental company or just picking up farmers market or grocery store flowers when the time comes.

  - Research & get pricing from photographers, officiants, and any miscellaneous vendors you might feel necessary.  Given the short time frame you may consider hiring a friend or relative to do the ceremony for you.  I'd offer to pay them a comparable wage to other officiants in the area and pay to get them ordained if necessary.

  
  

  When his visa is approved:

  - Book your venue/caterer/photographer/officiant/etc. based on your VIP calendar and vendor availability within your FIs visa timeframe.

  - Have your dress altered for sizing.

  - Have your BMs buy gowns off the rack, from the internet, or let them wear something they already own.

  - Have your FI pick out suits/tuxes for the guys, or let them wear something they already own.

  - Send out your invitations & have your FIs family apply for their visas.

  
  

  Essentially, I would want to do enough research & leg-work beforehand that when we find out his visa is approved I can check my calendar, make a few phone calls, and be well on my way with a date set within a few days.

  
  

  Edited for clarity.

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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• Dignity100 member

  

  February 2015

  Another route you can go is to look for something that's all inclusive and does most of the work for you (flowers, cake, maybe even photography).  My venue was actually Disney World and as long as your organized, I know they could throw a beautiful wedding in a 90-day period as long as you know many of your options up front.
  
  As already said - do as much as you can before the Visa goes through - wedding attire, rings, etc.  Look at floral and cake designs and start making some decisions for the look of your wedding so when the 90-day comes you have it ready to go. 
  

  
  
  
  

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• loves2shop4shoes member

  

  February 2015

  There's a whole show on TLC about this.  It's called 90 Day Fiancee.
  

  My NEW Blog!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Knottie86413231 member

  

  February 2015

  Thank you for all the advice and tips! I have been looking into some things here and there and I already feel overwhelmed and I'm not even engaged yet! But, this process will be more difficult than most. My boyfriend and I have considered a JOP and having a "wedding" after. I don't think I would call it a PPD if we went that route considering it's not a crime to want your family to celebrate one of the biggest events in your life with you. It's just one option though out of a few. As for the show, I have definitely heard about it. My mom tries to clue me in with what's going on and I'm just not interested! I'm afraid it will stress me out that much more, hah. Plus, I don't think I can take anything on TV too seriously. But again, thanks for the tips! 

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• minskat30 member

  

  February 2015

   

  Knottie86413231 said:

  Thank you for all the advice and tips! I have been looking into some things here and there and I already feel overwhelmed and I'm not even engaged yet! But, this process will be more difficult than most. My boyfriend and I have considered a JOP and having a "wedding" after. I don't think I would call it a PPD if we went that route considering it's not a crime to want your family to celebrate one of the biggest events in your life with you. It's just one option though out of a few. As for the show, I have definitely heard about it. My mom tries to clue me in with what's going on and I'm just not interested! I'm afraid it will stress me out that much more, hah. Plus, I don't think I can take anything on TV too seriously. But again, thanks for the tips! 

  
  Sorry but it would be a PPD to have a "wedding" after you are already married.  But it certainly isn't a crime for wanting your family to celebrate with you.  So long as your family/friends know you are already married, just have a reception celebrating your marriage with your family/friends that can't make it to the actual wedding.  H and I had a similar problem.  All of my family/friends were in the US, 90% of his friends were in the US and his family is all in India.  Because H and I live in the US we got married there and only his mom and brother could attend from India.  We then went to India and had a reception celebrating our marriage and showed everyone the wedding pictures.  Everyone was happy and got to celebrate with us.

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  February 2015

  Yes it's not a crime to want your family to celebrate with you but unfortunately the path you're choosing may prevent his family from doing so! Yes, it sucks because you have little to no control of the visa status and as soon as it goes through, you need to have plans in place. @minskat30‌ is right, you will be having a PPD if you have two weddings. If you have a party to celebrate your marriage with his side where you show wedding photos and watch the wedding video that's fine. But if you're planning on wearing a wedding dress, having a ceremony, a first dance, and the whole shebang you're having a PPD no matter how you try to spin it.
  
  @loves2shop4shoes‌ brought up 90-day fiancé and before you dismiss it, I think you should check out at least one episode. The couples situations may differ from yours but it doesn't mean that their experiences won't help you. While the show touches on the stress of planning a wedding in a short time period, it also focuses on the couples lives and how they handle the adjustment period during the 90 days which is equally, if not more important than planning a wedding.
  
  Last, you said that your BF wants to work for a company in the UK for at least a year. Does the company have a branch in the USA that he can transfer to? If so, would you be willing to relocate if the branch isn't in the same state you're currently residing in? When would you apply for the visa? What will he be doing in the time period between his arrival to the wedding? These are important questions to ask yourself before going through this process and to think about when he comes here.

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• Knottie86413231 member

  

  February 2015

  As of right now. he has been making connections and has found a few people in his very position. A few people that work at his company have girlfriends/wives that are American. So, he has been on top of that. The company he works for has a branch here, so he has also been trying to network with people so that he can get a placement in the US even if it might only be for 6 months. Fortunately for us there are a few major companies he could always work for here in the future. We have set a month for next year that we want to apply for the visa and by the time it should come (we are averaging 6 months) he will have been at this job for 2 years which is the same amount of time his graduate scheme will end. 

  
  

  So the route we are going at the moment is to apply for the fiance visa and plan ahead as much as humanly possible. That way, we have a fairly traditional wedding and fingers crossed that most of his side can make it out. That is what we both hope will happen! 

  
  

   As to the PPD, who cares if someone has one? I have never even heard of it before and never once thought something like that could actually have a name let alone a  judgmental one with such a negative connotation to it. It blows my mind people come up with this stuff. It sounds like it has way too much personal belief and personal morals behind it for my liking. Any excuse for people to judge and assume it is for all the wrong reasons. Do what makes you happy. To each their own. I don't mean to anger anyone, I just think it's ridiculous. 

  
  

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• minskat30 member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  Knottie86413231 said:

  As of right now. he has been making connections and has found a few people in his very position. A few people that work at his company have girlfriends/wives that are American. So, he has been on top of that. The company he works for has a branch here, so he has also been trying to network with people so that he can get a placement in the US even if it might only be for 6 months. Fortunately for us there are a few major companies he could always work for here in the future. We have set a month for next year that we want to apply for the visa and by the time it should come (we are averaging 6 months) he will have been at this job for 2 years which is the same amount of time his graduate scheme will end. 

  
  

  So the route we are going at the moment is to apply for the fiance visa and plan ahead as much as humanly possible. That way, we have a fairly traditional wedding and fingers crossed that most of his side can make it out. That is what we both hope will happen! 

  
  

   As to the PPD, who cares if someone has one? I have never even heard of it before and never once thought something like that could actually have a name let alone a  judgmental one with such a negative connotation to it. It blows my mind people come up with this stuff. It sounds like it has way too much personal belief and personal morals behind it for my liking. Any excuse for people to judge and assume it is for all the wrong reasons. Do what makes you happy. To each their own. I don't mean to anger anyone, I just think it's ridiculous. 

  
  

  .

  A PPD is only (in my opinion) a PPD if you are really lying to your family and friends about the fact that you are already married. I wouldn't roll my eyes at someone who told me they did a court marriage because of extenuating circumstances then wanted to celebrate with family/friends in a wedding dress but that's just me.  Others would find it odd, like playing dress up, since you already made the adult decision to have a wedding.  I would be really pissed if someone invited me to a "wedding" though when they were already married.  Other events (other than a celebration of one's marriage...as would have been the case for me) come before a wedding...a baptism, another real marriage, etc. 

  That said, I was just trying to answer you question from a prespective of someone who has been in a very similar situation as you.  I made the adult decision to get married here in the U.S.  H's mom wanted us to have a wedding in India without telling people we were married and I said "no" since I would be deceiving our guests.  I was more than happy to have a reception in India where we were honest with our guests about the fact that we were already married.

  As I'm sure you know, people are far less likely to come to a reception for the newlyweds vs a wedding.  That said, we still had a wonderful turnout because the people we invited to the reception loved us and wanted to congratulate us.
  

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• KeptInStitches member

  

  February 2015

  Knottie86413231 said:

  As of right now. he has been making connections and has found a few people in his very position. A few people that work at his company have girlfriends/wives that are American. So, he has been on top of that. The company he works for has a branch here, so he has also been trying to network with people so that he can get a placement in the US even if it might only be for 6 months. Fortunately for us there are a few major companies he could always work for here in the future. We have set a month for next year that we want to apply for the visa and by the time it should come (we are averaging 6 months) he will have been at this job for 2 years which is the same amount of time his graduate scheme will end. 

  
  

  So the route we are going at the moment is to apply for the fiance visa and plan ahead as much as humanly possible. That way, we have a fairly traditional wedding and fingers crossed that most of his side can make it out. That is what we both hope will happen! 

  
  

   As to the PPD, who cares if someone has one? I have never even heard of it before and never once thought something like that could actually have a name let alone a  judgmental one with such a negative connotation to it. It blows my mind people come up with this stuff. It sounds like it has way too much personal belief and personal morals behind it for my liking. Any excuse for people to judge and assume it is for all the wrong reasons. Do what makes you happy. To each their own. I don't mean to anger anyone, I just think it's ridiculous. 

  
  

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  I'd like to see you (general you) get married if you invite me to your wedding. If you tell me the truth, I'd be less annoyed, though.

  

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