Not Little Girls - Not Young Women

dvdplayer · January 2015

I have two nieces - one who I lived with for awhile when she was a baby - who I want in the wedding. They are going to be 8 and 10 by the time of the wedding. And because I'm so short - one will be my height and the other taller. They are too old or tall to be flower girls. Yet, I think 8 is too young for junior bridesmaid. If I make one the junior bridesmaid and make the 8 year old the flower girl I can see the younger one being upset as she's already been a flower girl in 4 weddings. What role can I give them? Thus far, I am thinking of having them carry a banner that says "Here's Comes the Bride" and then one that says on the way back, "Let's celebrate!"

redoryx · January 2015

There's really no such thing as a junior bridesmaid. Bridesmaids are bridesmaids, regardless of age.

Beyond wedding party and reader there's no other roles at a wedding and if you start handing out "jobs" like having them carrying signs and such they stop being people and start becoming props.

levioosa · January 2015

Since all that's required of bridesmaids is to show up in the dress, sober, and on time for the wedding, there's no point in trying to give them different labels. If you would like the girls to stand up with you, then ask them to be bridesmaids. I also wouldn't have them carry signs just for a "role." That turns them into photo props. Jobs such as "guest book attendant" or handing out the programs are also not appropriate.

If you don't actually want them in the wedding and are just including them to avoid hurt feelings or a temper tantrum, I wouldn't have them in the wedding at all. You don't always get what you want in life, and eventually they'll have to learn that. Your BMs should be your nearest and dearest. If you are very close to them, then by all means, have them as BMs, but don't acquiesce to family demands if that's any part of your reasoning for including them.

dvdplayer · January 2015

I do want them in the wedding. The oldest one especially. She was the center of my universe before I met my FI.

chibiyui · January 2015

FWIW, 8 and 10 are still "little girls" and are an appropriate age for flower girls.
But if you think the elder would find it kiddish, make them both bridesmaids.

dvdplayer · January 2015

If they were smaller, I would do it, but they are both very tall and I'm only 4 foot 9. Not sure how it would look to see the flower girl towering over the bride.

dvdplayer · January 2015

I disagree. I'm not sure if I'd have them at my bachelorette party.

levioosa · January 2015

dvdplayer said:

If they were smaller, I would do it, but they are both very tall and I'm only 4 foot 9. Not sure how it would look to see the flower girl towering over the bride.

It doesn't matter. Truly. I'm 5 feet tall. Almost everyone towers over me. When I used to work with 4th graders some of them were still taller than I was. It happens, and it's not going to be a surprise to anyone that you're short. If you want them as flower girls, it's totally fine. If you want them as BMs, its also fine.

levioosa · January 2015

dvdplayer said:

I disagree. I'm not sure if I'd have them at my bachelorette party.

Disagree at what? Use the "quote" button instead of the reply button when you are referencing someone else's post.

There's nothing wrong with having them attend a dinner portion of the bachelorette party and then heading out on the town later without them. Check out the other post on this board about including a 16 year old BM in the bachelorette party.

lyndausvi · January 2015

I had my 6, 9,9,9 and 13 year old nieces as BMs.

They attended my shower (they actually helped with the gifts), wore dresses, carried bouquets, walked down the aisle. Just like 2 of my adult BMs.

The other 2 adult BMs also hosted the shower and helped me with various others things.

Make them BMs and call it a day. If you have a b-party they will not attend. No big deal.

ohannabelle · January 2015

The silly thing about this is that you're concerned about things that absolutely don't matter.

They walk down the aisle, wearing age appropriate clothing. They carry flowers. Problem solved. Because there simply isn't a problem.

(Signs are for conveying needed information. I get that they're very trendy, but typically cause more eye rolls than oohs.)

So, what on earth does age or height or title have to do with anything? The wedding police don't come by to check assigned invisible titles. Why would anyone even care? They're bridesmaids. They're members of the wedding party.

Physical appearance has eff all to do with anything. If you love someone and ask them to be in your wedding party, why does it matter if they're taller than you or shorter or thinner or fatter or darker or lighter or any damned thing? It's about involving the people you love. Not about what they look like in pictures.

People being shorter or taller than you doesn't look "weird." It's called everyday life. Some people are shorter than me. Most people are taller. I have never, ever looked at a picture and thought "How weird! A child is as tall or taller than me!"

It's a picture of us. That's what we look like. That's the point of photographs.

slothiegal · January 2015

dvdplayer said:

I have two nieces - one who I lived with for awhile when she was a baby - who I want in the wedding. They are going to be 8 and 10 by the time of the wedding. And because I'm so short - one will be my height and the other taller. They are too old or tall to be flower girls. Yet, I think 8 is too young for junior bridesmaid. If I make one the junior bridesmaid and make the 8 year old the flower girl I can see the younger one being upset as she's already been a flower girl in 4 weddings. What role can I give them? Thus far, I am thinking of having them carry a banner that says "Here's Comes the Bride" and then one that says on the way back, "Let's celebrate!"

JIC....

zitiqueen · January 2015

dvdplayer said:

I have two nieces - one who I lived with for awhile when she was a baby - who I want in the wedding. They are going to be 8 and 10 by the time of the wedding. And because I'm so short - one will be my height and the other taller. They are too old or tall to be flower girls. Yet, I think 8 is too young for junior bridesmaid. If I make one the junior bridesmaid and make the 8 year old the flower girl I can see the younger one being upset as she's already been a flower girl in 4 weddings. What role can I give them? Thus far, I am thinking of having them carry a banner that says "Here's Comes the Bride" and then one that says on the way back, "Let's celebrate!"

Bridesmaids.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

The title of this post reminds me of that Britney Spears song "I'm Not a Girl (Not Yet a Woman)." If I wasnt on mobile I would insert a gif of Britney standing on some dessert cliff with her rock hard abs showing for the world to see.

Jen4948 · January 2015

I'm not a fan of signs. In every photo I've seen of kids carrying signs at weddings, the kids in question were scowling. They don't seem to like carrying the signs, being photographed, or both. And they have a point. Those signs have no place in the ceremony other than to "involve" a small kid, because the messages are cheesier than pizza and Welsh rarebit combined. They're clichéd, redundant, and completely unnecessary, and they don't make guests ooh and aah, just siiiiiiiigh.

If a kid is young enough to be a ring bearer or flower girl, then that's what s/he should be. If s/he's older, just make him/her a bridesmaid/man or a groomsman/maid. And if s/he's not even old enough to get him/herself up and down the aisle under his/her own power, just have them in photos and let it go at that.

slothiegal · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:

The title of this post reminds me of that Britney Spears song "I'm Not a Girl (Not Yet a Woman)." If I wasnt on mobile I would insert a gif of Britney standing on some dessert cliff with her rock hard abs showing for the world to see.

YESSSSS I thought of that song too!!!

CLASSIC BRIT.

mikenberger · January 2015

slothiegal said:

Maggie0829 said:

The title of this post reminds me of that Britney Spears song "I'm Not a Girl (Not Yet a Woman)." If I wasnt on mobile I would insert a gif of Britney standing on some dessert cliff with her rock hard abs showing for the world to see.

YESSSSS I thought of that song too!!!

CLASSIC BRIT.

haha I was just coming in here to do just that

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

mikenberger said:

slothiegal said:

Maggie0829 said:

The title of this post reminds me of that Britney Spears song "I'm Not a Girl (Not Yet a Woman)." If I wasnt on mobile I would insert a gif of Britney standing on some dessert cliff with her rock hard abs showing for the world to see.

YESSSSS I thought of that song too!!!

CLASSIC BRIT.

haha I was just coming in here to do just that

Yesss!! Same here. Started immediately singing this song when I read the title.

I saw this last night and couldn't gift on mobile. Nice, @slothiegal!!

As far as advice for OP - why don't you ask them what they want to do - FG or BM? Both are appropriate. There's no age or height restrictions. Just whatever they're comfortable with.

tcnoble · January 2015

I'm 5'10" and my two younger sisters (also my MOHs) are 6'0" without heels on. So they'll be standing next to me AND be taller than me at the ceremony. Nobody cares.

I have two other bridesmaids who are 8 and 10. I personally thought they would look silly in white flower girl dresses, given their ages, so they are wearing dresses in the same color as the other BMs that they picked out themselves, just like the other BMs. They are also attending the bridal shower and getting ready with us on the wedding day.

Really... don't over think this. It's a non issue.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

If I have attendants at all, I will be asking my 9 year old goddaughter to be my Maid of Honor. She's important to me. I want her standing next to me when I get married. That fact that she is 30 years younger than me has nothing to do with anything.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

ohannabelle said:

The silly thing about this is that you're concerned about things that absolutely don't matter.
They walk down the aisle, wearing age appropriate clothing. They carry flowers. Problem solved. Because there simply isn't a problem.

(Signs are for conveying needed information. I get that they're very trendy, but typically cause more eye rolls than oohs.)

So, what on earth does age or height or title have to do with anything? The wedding police don't come by to check assigned invisible titles. Why would anyone even care? They're bridesmaids. They're members of the wedding party.

Physical appearance has eff all to do with anything. If you love someone and ask them to be in your wedding party, why does it matter if they're taller than you or shorter or thinner or fatter or darker or lighter or any damned thing? It's about involving the people you love. Not about what they look like in pictures.

People being shorter or taller than you doesn't look "weird." It's called everyday life. Some people are shorter than me. Most people are taller. I have never, ever looked at a picture and thought "How weird! A child is as tall or taller than me!"
It's a picture of us. That's what we look like. That's the point of photographs.

All of this.

Just ask them to be briesmaids, loose the sign, done.

AddieCake · January 2015

I can't believe height is even a factor here.

WhatawagSBNy · February 2015

dvdplayer said:
I disagree. I'm not sure if I'd have them at my bachelorette party.

*************
They can have the full title of bridesmaid at their age.

Not everyone is always invited to a bachelorette party, anyways. Sometimes just a few people take the bride out.

This might be the time for the very traditional custom that has been around a century longer than the very recent bachelorette party.

It is the bridal luncheon or tea when the bride pays and plans an outing , usually either a lunch, brunch, or ant time of afternoon, out for beverages and sweets. This is given by the bride for just a few attendants, or just shower holders, or anyone who has been a good friend of long standing. It is both a thank you for being a good friend, and a sign you want to continue your special relationship after marriage.

They might like a very special event planned around just them. When I was their age, a former mother's helper from abroad took 2 of us who were young bridesmaids to an afternoon performance of the ballet, Nutcracker, and to an afternoon tea with little sandwiches and cakes. We were thrilled, and never minded that we did not go to night parties with her older friends.

flantastic · February 2015

dvdplayer said:

I disagree. I'm not sure if I'd have them at my bachelorette party.

This comes straight out of the assumption that BMs need to be included in everything and/or are required to attend. If it's not appropriate for them to go, they won't go. Their ability or willingness to attend your bach has no bearing whatsoever on whether they can be bridesmaids on your wedding day.

lyndausvi · February 2015

AddieCake said:

I can't believe height is even a factor here.

Height is a big topic right now. Who knew people actually think about not having close friends in a wedding due to their height? Or in the other thread telling BM they are not allowed to wear heels because they are too tall?

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Cut them off at the knees so they're short enough to be flower girls. Doctors have done wonderful things with prosthetics; I'm sure they'll be just fine. After the wedding, of course.

Seriously, how is this even a consideration??

Not Little Girls - Not Young Women

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