Bothered. Any advise?

DaniBites · February 2015

I was in the car with FSIL yesterday and mentioned being very excited to find an organization that will re purpose my wedding flowers after the reception and send them to a hospice (or nursing home, wherever but my first pick is hospice). Her response was "People in a hospice won't even know the flowers are there. Usually you give centerpieces to the guests."

I responded that I think the guests will have had enough of a great time and I'd rather spread the happiness (probably should have said anything) but I'm kind of bothered by the comment. Should I give the centerpieces to guests? I would really rather donate them. Does stuff like that get side eyed?

BTW- this is not monster FSIL I've mentioned every other time I've posted lol, this is the one I get along with really well.

hellosweetie1015 · February 2015

...I've never heard of giving the centerpieces to guests. And at no point would I side eye your donating your flowers to whatever cause you felt worthy.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

While I think her response was kind of rude, mainly to those who are in hospice, I would just forget about it and do whatever you wish with your flowers.

rockin30ish · February 2015

I didn't realize centerpieces were supposed to go to guests. I think what you are doing is a great idea.

redwoodoriginal · February 2015

I've seen people give centerpieces to the guests, but that's usually because they were going to throw them out. Several times, they've tried to get me to take them and I'm from OOT so I'm like "uhm no thanks... plane ride..." and they still push! It gets really irritating! I'd much prefer to know the flowers are doing something nice like your idea than ever get huffy that I couldn't take a centerpiece home with me....

Couggal12 · February 2015

I would never side eye someone for doing what they want with their centerpieces. I think your FSIL's response was pretty harsh but, I could also be too sensitive. I wouldn't discuss it any further with her and do what you want with your flowers.

novella1186 · February 2015

I think it's pretty common to donate flowers from a wedding. Some people even do it for the tax write-off, but obviously a lot of people do it just to do something nice and give the flowers a second purpose. Who cares that she has such a rude view on it? They're your flowers. You do what you want with them.

As a guest, I would never expect to be given a centerpiece or any of the wedding flowers, and I would not be concerned with what the bride plans to do with her flowers. If I was told they were being donated to a hospice or any other place, I would probably just think "Aw, how nice," and move on.

OliveOilsMom · February 2015

I've seen where the guests have taken the flowers and I have also seen where they are left. Typically, I think it depends on if the vases were purchased or borrowed from the florist.

I think giving the flowers to a hospice or nursing home is a great idea! Sometimes, it gives people a small pick me up to know that they were thought of, even if they don't know the sender of the flowers.

FWIW, my grandma did her hospice in her home. I brought her flowers the one time I visited, she smiled and faintly said they were beautiful. So FSIL can go get bent, sorrynotsorry.

lyndausvi · February 2015

We gave our flowers to guests who wanted them, then donated the rest to a retirement home. Out of the 15 tables I would say 1/2 were taken by guests. Most weddings I've been to guests have left with the CP. I've seen brides or coordinators offer them for guests to take. Although I'm sure there are some where the guests just takes without asking.

Regardless the comment is rude. They are your flowers and you can give them to anyone you want.

amelisha · February 2015

I don't think anyone sane is going to feel entitled to your centerpieces. I mean, if someone leaves with one, I wouldn't say anything or anything, but if you want to donate what flowers are left, it's a nice idea and I can't see why it would be an issue.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

Centerpieces are not "supposed" to go to guests. Some people choose to do that. Some people choose to donate them.

I was planning to donate mine, but didn't get my shit together in time. I think it's great you're actively pursuing this!

chocolateygabs · February 2015

We did both. We had the DJ make an announcement that told the guests they could take them if they wanted to.

We didn't realize that the venue did indeed saved the flowers, and I had mentioned beforehand that if they did, I would like to donate them. I was searching for an area nursing home to take them to when H's mom called to find out when we were leaving for our HM and mentioned that she was going to visit his grandmother. She told us that we could give the flowers to her and she would take them to the Nursing home.

H's 95 year old grandmother was in hospice care at the time and couldn't make it to the wedding. I told MIL that my bouquet and the stand that came with it was for GMIL. She was incredibly happy to have the bouquet (I told her she was the most popular girl in the nursing home), and I was grateful that we were able to brighten her week even though she couldn't come to the wedding. When she died two months later, seeing her with the bouquet remains a happy memory. We also heard how glad the other residents were with the flowers.

You can bet your ass that I don't regret donating them, and I don't regret having guests take the centerpieces if they wanted.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Just let it roll off your back. They're not "supposed" to go anywhere, except if you're renting vases. Do what you want and forget what she said. Hopefully your good deed will cause her to rethink her totally ignorant view on hospice patients.

mrsk616 · February 2015

is she paying for them? no, do what you want with them. she could have said something different about it or not have so rude. dont over think it though and do what you want to do.

ElcaB · February 2015

Do whatever YOU (and FI) want to do with the centerpieces. If that means donating them, do that. If that means giving them to guests, do that. If that mean letting them die, do that.

jennyleigh16 · February 2015

When I used to work in banquets and the centrepieces were just going to be thrown away often the staff would take them home. I worked one corporate event the night before my mom's birthday and I was able to bring her a gorgeous $300+ arrangement the next day. Sometimes it's nice to pay it forward to the staff who is probably working a 10+ hour shift for your event and will likely be there until 3 or 4am cleaning up and resetting. The same goes for leftover candy buffets and edible goodness. Just my two cents.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

What an eye-roller of a comment! Do what you want with your flowers--I think it's a sweet idea.

lyndausvi · February 2015

jennyleigh16 said:

When I used to work in banquets and the centrepieces were just going to be thrown away often the staff would take them home. I worked one corporate event the night before my mom's birthday and I was able to bring her a gorgeous $300+ arrangement the next day. Sometimes it's nice to pay it forward to the staff who is probably working a 10+ hour shift for your event and will likely be there until 3 or 4am cleaning up and resetting. The same goes for leftover candy buffets and edible goodness. Just my two cents.

Actually we are allowed to take CP home from banquets too. We all grab flowers from different pieces to create our own bouquet. Often the vases were rented, so we just get the flowers, other times we can keep the vases, but I rarely do since I have enough at home already I've worked private parties were they hosts begging me to take flowers home too.

A lot of our weddings at the club are OOT for most of the guests, so they do not have the means to get them home.

teddygirl9 · February 2015

What if you ARE renting the vases? How are you supposed to let guests know NOT to take them, even if you don't offer them? That seems so rude that guests would just take them without asking first...

lyndausvi · February 2015

Have the coordinator and/or venue staff run interference.

I've had to be the bad guy before. A little awkward, but I have a strong personality and have no problem telling guests to hand over the CP.

levioosa · February 2015

About half of the weddings I've been to have given guests the centerpieces/flowers. The other half? I have no idea what they did with them, but it didn't affect me either way. The comment about hospice is ridiculous though. That would be a very lovely thing to do.

bethsmiles · February 2015

I've heard of people giving the centerpieces to guests but I've never been to a wedding where that was done. I've also never been at a wedding a ND thought "Oh I want to take this centerpiece home with me."

Donating is a lovely idea. I'm sure those who receive your flowers will appreciate it.

hellohkb · February 2015

What a rude comment! People in hospice WOULD notice- Not even just patients, but families and staff can also appreciate them. My aunt is a nun who also works in a senior care facility and I'm going to ask her if I can donate the flowers to her workplace. I'm also going to save one for mine and FHs grandmothers.

At the weddings I've been to, it's common for the people with the birthdays closest to the wedding date to get them. One time I went to a (known) PPD and I wasn't sure if they meant their actual wedding date or their reception. If it was the former, I would have won one but I didn't want one lol. Honestly, it doesn't matter what you do with them. Some family's are pushy with wanting the leftover CPs, including my family. Luckily I'm not expecting a lot of my family to come my wedding, so it's all good. Do want YOU want, op.

RebeccaFlower · February 2015

She's being douchey.

My friend had non-floral centerpieces and had a buyer lined up for her 20 tables and four people took them without asking! We were floored and she had to explain to the buyer, who was thankfully want cool about it. Friend saw it in one of the guests home later and called her on it. Something like "I'm glad you liked our center piece, but we were planning on selling them after the wedding."

anjemon · February 2015

I think it's a lovely idea OP. In fact if I end up with flower centerpieces, I want to do this.

And my grandmother did hospice care as a volunteer after she retired from nursing. She went and visited people in their homes. Those people who would appreciate a visitor would definitely appreciate pretty flowers.

ashley8918 · February 2015

Why are you bothered? I would just ignore it.

You aren't "supposed" to do anything with them.

Inkdancer · February 2015

teddygirl9 said:

What if you ARE renting the vases? How are you supposed to let guests know NOT to take them, even if you don't offer them? That seems so rude that guests would just take them without asking first...

I wonder this too. Nobody took my centerpieces because they were obviously my possessions (antique books and teacups).

Bothered. Any advise?

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