Wedding Etiquette Forum

Website etiquette?

Sorry I've been absent ladies! I have been MIA for about 7 months focusing on my pregnancy and new little one. I had a baby girl in December and she's coming up on 2 months old already! (Attached a photo!) And now I'm in hyper drive wedding mode because I havent gotten much done at all and I have less than 100 days left.

So with all that said I have a few questions!

1 - On our wedding website, I put that we are registered for target and are also saving up for our honeymoon. Is this appropriate or do I need to remove it?

2 - I also created a RSVP section so people could do so online if they want to let me know ahead of time. I put that we can not accommodate children. Is that inappropriate?

Of course I would never put no kids/adults only or mention cash or registry info on the invites but is this ok for the website since its informal and informative?

3 - How do I address invitations to let single people know they have a +1?

TIA!

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Re: Website etiquette?

  • Edited the website! Thanks!

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  • Agree with everything LondonLisa said. 

    Also, if you keep your registry small, people will get the hint you want money.

    If someone has an SO that person should be invited by name. "and Guest" covers ANYONE the invited guest wants to bring (so your +1).

    Lastly, your daughter is ADORABLE!! Congratulations. 
  • 3) According to Miss Manners, labeling a guest as simply "guest" is rude. All of your guests should be invited by name. If you wish to allow a guest to bring another of his or her choice, you must contact him or her directly and ask for the additional name (and address, if separate).


    Powers  &8^]

  • LtPowers said:
    3) According to Miss Manners, labeling a guest as simply "guest" is rude. All of your guests should be invited by name. If you wish to allow a guest to bring another of his or her choice, you must contact him or her directly and ask for the additional name (and address, if separate).


    Powers  &8^]

    Some people given "& guest" don't want to be committed to bringing a particular person, and shouldn't have to be. The variable plus one is for the comfort of the main guest. No one was ever offended to be brought to a wedding as someone's true plus one and not have been invited by name. They know that's how it works.

    What you are describing is what needs to happen for someone's SO.

    Now, after they have RSVP'd for two, if they do not include their plus one's name on the RSVP, it is appropriate to call and check in so that they have a named place card, if possible.

  • LtPowers said:
    3) According to Miss Manners, labeling a guest as simply "guest" is rude. All of your guests should be invited by name. If you wish to allow a guest to bring another of his or her choice, you must contact him or her directly and ask for the additional name (and address, if separate).


    Powers  &8^]

    "and Guest" would be used for true plus ones. Obviously not for Jane Smith and her boyfriend. When someone is in a relationship, of course the hosts should find out the name of the SO and write it out. You are correct there. But for truly single guests who are not in a relationship, "and guest" simply indicates they can bring whoever they want.
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  • LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

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  • LtPowersLtPowers member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Answer
    edited January 2015
    redoryx said:

    LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

    I appreciate the support. If I may, though... it doesn't matter if the host is okay with it, as the rule that dictates all people should be invited by name is not for the host's benefit; it's to show respect to one's guests.

    Miss Manners is quite strict about this one, I'm afraid:

    People who issue invitations are forever talking about how they want to "personalize" these events. But it never seems to occur to them that their guests could stand some personal treatment.

    "And Guest" or "and Escort" is never proper. Never, never, never! Everybody has a name, and there are simple ways of finding out what these are. If your neighbors didn't know who the gentleman in your life was, they could have asked you. If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name.



    Powers  &8^]

  • LtPowers said:
    redoryx said:

    LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

    I appreciate the support. If I may, though... it doesn't matter if the host is okay with it, as the rule that dictates all people should be invited by name is not for the host's benefit; it's to show respect to one's guests.

    Miss Manners is quite strict about this one, I'm afraid:

    People who issue invitations are forever talking about how they want to "personalize" these events. But it never seems to occur to them that their guests could stand some personal treatment.

    "And Guest" or "and Escort" is never proper. Never, never, never! Everybody has a name, and there are simple ways of finding out what these are. If your neighbors didn't know who the gentleman in your life was, they could have asked you. If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name.



    Powers  &8^]

    This applies if that person is known. If the person is unknown (i.e. you are allowing the guest to bring whoever they want), you cannot specify. 

    So Miss Manners is spot on here in saying that it's inappropriate to say "and Guest" if you're inviting Jane Smith and her boyfriend John Doe. The invite should never say Jane Smith and Guest. It should say Jane Smith / John Doe (separate lines). 

    But if Jane Smith isn't in a relationship and you're just allowing her to bring anyone she wants, you can't say "John Doe" or "Jim Jones" because she can bring anyone.

    Does that make sense to you? 
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  • LtPowers said:
    redoryx said:

    LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

    I appreciate the support. If I may, though... it doesn't matter if the host is okay with it, as the rule that dictates all people should be invited by name is not for the host's benefit; it's to show respect to one's guests.

    Miss Manners is quite strict about this one, I'm afraid:

    People who issue invitations are forever talking about how they want to "personalize" these events. But it never seems to occur to them that their guests could stand some personal treatment.

    "And Guest" or "and Escort" is never proper. Never, never, never! Everybody has a name, and there are simple ways of finding out what these are. If your neighbors didn't know who the gentleman in your life was, they could have asked you. If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name.



    Powers  &8^]

    I understand that, and appreciate the respect implied, hence my reply above.

    Most people who would enjoy a true plus one would also enjoy the flexibility to decide who that person is after invitations go out. Then, the host can show respect for their plus one and acknowledge that they have a name, by being sure to check in once a decision is made and make an escort card for that person.

  • But Miss Manners is right.   Technically if a person is truly single you're still supposed to call up and find out the name of the guest.

    Unfortunately life doesn't always work that way.  It can be a pain in the ass to call the hosts back and say, "My best friend's brother's roommate is in Boston that weekend so could you write the invitation to X and Sven Smith instead?!  Oh wait!   Sven is at a ski competition that weekend so could you just write it to me and guest and I'll let you know later." 
  • LtPowers said:
    redoryx said:

    LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

    I appreciate the support. If I may, though... it doesn't matter if the host is okay with it, as the rule that dictates all people should be invited by name is not for the host's benefit; it's to show respect to one's guests.

    Miss Manners is quite strict about this one, I'm afraid:

    People who issue invitations are forever talking about how they want to "personalize" these events. But it never seems to occur to them that their guests could stand some personal treatment.

    "And Guest" or "and Escort" is never proper. Never, never, never! Everybody has a name, and there are simple ways of finding out what these are. If your neighbors didn't know who the gentleman in your life was, they could have asked you. If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name.



    Powers  &8^]

    This applies if that person is known. If the person is unknown (i.e. you are allowing the guest to bring whoever they want), you cannot specify. 

    So Miss Manners is spot on here in saying that it's inappropriate to say "and Guest" if you're inviting Jane Smith and her boyfriend John Doe. The invite should never say Jane Smith and Guest. It should say Jane Smith / John Doe (separate lines). 

    But if Jane Smith isn't in a relationship and you're just allowing her to bring anyone she wants, you can't say "John Doe" or "Jim Jones" because she can bring anyone.

    Does that make sense to you? 
    I'm afraid not. Miss Manners explicitly says "If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name."

    I don't see why it matters whether the guest makes the decision as to whom to bring two months or two days before the wedding. If the guest is that indecisive about it that a few weeks makes a difference, perhaps its best if he or she simply comes alone.


    Powers  &8^]

  • LtPowers said:
    LtPowers said:
    redoryx said:

    LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

    I appreciate the support. If I may, though... it doesn't matter if the host is okay with it, as the rule that dictates all people should be invited by name is not for the host's benefit; it's to show respect to one's guests.

    Miss Manners is quite strict about this one, I'm afraid:

    People who issue invitations are forever talking about how they want to "personalize" these events. But it never seems to occur to them that their guests could stand some personal treatment.

    "And Guest" or "and Escort" is never proper. Never, never, never! Everybody has a name, and there are simple ways of finding out what these are. If your neighbors didn't know who the gentleman in your life was, they could have asked you. If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name.



    Powers  &8^]

    This applies if that person is known. If the person is unknown (i.e. you are allowing the guest to bring whoever they want), you cannot specify. 

    So Miss Manners is spot on here in saying that it's inappropriate to say "and Guest" if you're inviting Jane Smith and her boyfriend John Doe. The invite should never say Jane Smith and Guest. It should say Jane Smith / John Doe (separate lines). 

    But if Jane Smith isn't in a relationship and you're just allowing her to bring anyone she wants, you can't say "John Doe" or "Jim Jones" because she can bring anyone.

    Does that make sense to you? 
    I'm afraid not. Miss Manners explicitly says "If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name."

    I don't see why it matters whether the guest makes the decision as to whom to bring two months or two days before the wedding. If the guest is that indecisive about it that a few weeks makes a difference, perhaps its best if he or she simply comes alone.


    Powers  &8^]

    I know it's within the rights of the host to say "give me a name within X timeframe or I won't add the name to the invitation."

    But perhaps it would be more courteous to be a little less judgey about whether your guests' friends will know their schedules in advance, and a little more flexible. I know one of my friends had some difficulty nailing down a friend to bring, but I also know that since she knew no one else at the wedding, having that friend was very important.

  • LtPowers said:
    LtPowers said:
    redoryx said:

    LtPowers is somewhat correct. Miss Manners doesn't necessarily say it's rude but she does argue  against using "and guest" because it means the host gives up control of their guest list and etiquette dictates all people should be invited by name. If, however, a host is okay with all of that then they must accept that they may not like who their guests brings as a plus one.

    I appreciate the support. If I may, though... it doesn't matter if the host is okay with it, as the rule that dictates all people should be invited by name is not for the host's benefit; it's to show respect to one's guests.

    Miss Manners is quite strict about this one, I'm afraid:

    People who issue invitations are forever talking about how they want to "personalize" these events. But it never seems to occur to them that their guests could stand some personal treatment.

    "And Guest" or "and Escort" is never proper. Never, never, never! Everybody has a name, and there are simple ways of finding out what these are. If your neighbors didn't know who the gentleman in your life was, they could have asked you. If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name.



    Powers  &8^]

    This applies if that person is known. If the person is unknown (i.e. you are allowing the guest to bring whoever they want), you cannot specify. 

    So Miss Manners is spot on here in saying that it's inappropriate to say "and Guest" if you're inviting Jane Smith and her boyfriend John Doe. The invite should never say Jane Smith and Guest. It should say Jane Smith / John Doe (separate lines). 

    But if Jane Smith isn't in a relationship and you're just allowing her to bring anyone she wants, you can't say "John Doe" or "Jim Jones" because she can bring anyone.

    Does that make sense to you? 
    I'm afraid not. Miss Manners explicitly says "If they wanted to indicate that you could bring anyone at all, they could have asked you whom you wanted to bring and then invited him by name."

    I don't see why it matters whether the guest makes the decision as to whom to bring two months or two days before the wedding. If the guest is that indecisive about it that a few weeks makes a difference, perhaps its best if he or she simply comes alone.

    Powers  &8^]
    That's a pretty sweeping statement.

    I don't disagree with asking someone who their guest will be before invites go out (6-8 weeks before the wedding). Let's say you call Sally and say "Hi Sally, I'm addressing invitations. I know you're not in a relationship, so I'd like to extend a plus one to you and address that person by name. Do you know who you'd like to bring?" Sally says, "I'm not sure yet." 

    So by your statement above, do you invite her alone AFTER you verbally invited her with a guest? Or just never send her a timely invitation? That would be pretty rude, IMO.
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  • That's a pretty sweeping statement.

    I don't disagree with asking someone who their guest will be before invites go out (6-8 weeks before the wedding). Let's say you call Sally and say "Hi Sally, I'm addressing invitations. I know you're not in a relationship, so I'd like to extend a plus one to you and address that person by name. Do you know who you'd like to bring?" Sally says, "I'm not sure yet." 

    So by your statement above, do you invite her alone AFTER you verbally invited her with a guest? Or just never send her a timely invitation? That would be pretty rude, IMO.
    Indeed. Certainly it's a sticky situation. I don't know what Miss Manners' advice would be on that. I would say that it's incumbent on the guest to make a timely decision, just as she is required to respond to an invitation in a timely manner. She could obviously take a day or two to get back to the host on the matter, but I fear much longer than that is an unreasonable imposition.

    Faced with such imposition, however, a gracious host could remind the guest once or twice that a decision is needed by X date, and once that date has passed offer apologies for being unable to wait any longer.

    As you note, rescinding the offer could indeed be rude, which is why it's a good idea to word the offer very carefully, making clear it's contingent on the guest actually making a decision in a timely manner. Something like "If you have someone in mind, I'd be happy to extend an invitation to him or her."


    Powers  &8^]

  • LtPowers said:
    That's a pretty sweeping statement.

    I don't disagree with asking someone who their guest will be before invites go out (6-8 weeks before the wedding). Let's say you call Sally and say "Hi Sally, I'm addressing invitations. I know you're not in a relationship, so I'd like to extend a plus one to you and address that person by name. Do you know who you'd like to bring?" Sally says, "I'm not sure yet." 

    So by your statement above, do you invite her alone AFTER you verbally invited her with a guest? Or just never send her a timely invitation? That would be pretty rude, IMO.
    Indeed. Certainly it's a sticky situation. I don't know what Miss Manners' advice would be on that. I would say that it's incumbent on the guest to make a timely decision, just as she is required to respond to an invitation in a timely manner. She could obviously take a day or two to get back to the host on the matter, but I fear much longer than that is an unreasonable imposition.

    Faced with such imposition, however, a gracious host could remind the guest once or twice that a decision is needed by X date, and once that date has passed offer apologies for being unable to wait any longer.

    As you note, rescinding the offer could indeed be rude, which is why it's a good idea to word the offer very carefully, making clear it's contingent on the guest actually making a decision in a timely manner. Something like "If you have someone in mind, I'd be happy to extend an invitation to him or her."


    Powers  &8^]

    Or, if it will make a guest more comfortable, a gracious host could worry less about the so-called imposition to herself, and let the guest just respond with one or two names in what is hopefully a timely fashion.
  • LtPowersLtPowers member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Answer
    edited February 2015
    Or, if it will make a guest more comfortable, a gracious host could worry less about the so-called imposition to herself, and let the guest just respond with one or two names in what is hopefully a timely fashion.

    What would the second name be for, if I may?


    Powers &8^]
  • LtPowers said:
    Or, if it will make a guest more comfortable, a gracious host could worry less about the so-called imposition to herself, and let the guest just respond with one or two names in what is hopefully a timely fashion.

    What would the second name be for, if I may?


    Powers &8^]

    To indicate the name of the person she intended to bring, after having been invited as Ms. Smith and Guest.

    Because she was called before invitations went out and was still unsure of who to bring as a guest but indicated that she was grateful for the added comfort and intended to bring someone. Because it is often much easier to be sure of your guest's ability to attend at 3 weeks rather than at 8 weeks.

    The "& Guest" person understands that he or she is the guest of a guest and will not get his or her panties in a wad that he or she was not named on the invitation. The host understands that it is foolishness to make a seating chart or escort cards until the RSVPs come in anyway, so she has no added difficulty in her life.

    You're clearly not understanding that people's lives often have to be more flexible than your own social calendar, so I imagine you'll disagree with this.

    You don't have to give anyone the option of a guest, but if you do give them the option for their own comfort, why not do it in a way they can actually use and which is actually comfortable?

    @PrettyGirlLost and @southernbelle0915 - is this not ridiculous?

  • LtPowers said:
    Or, if it will make a guest more comfortable, a gracious host could worry less about the so-called imposition to herself, and let the guest just respond with one or two names in what is hopefully a timely fashion.

    What would the second name be for, if I may?


    Powers &8^]

    To indicate the name of the person she intended to bring, after having been invited as Ms. Smith and Guest.

    Because she was called before invitations went out and was still unsure of who to bring as a guest but indicated that she was grateful for the added comfort and intended to bring someone. Because it is often much easier to be sure of your guest's ability to attend at 3 weeks rather than at 8 weeks.

    The "& Guest" person understands that he or she is the guest of a guest and will not get his or her panties in a wad that he or she was not named on the invitation. The host understands that it is foolishness to make a seating chart or escort cards until the RSVPs come in anyway, so she has no added difficulty in her life.

    You're clearly not understanding that people's lives often have to be more flexible than your own social calendar, so I imagine you'll disagree with this.

    You don't have to give anyone the option of a guest, but if you do give them the option for their own comfort, why not do it in a way they can actually use and which is actually comfortable?

    @PrettyGirlLost and @southernbelle0915 - is this not ridiculous?


    I think, flan (and LtPowers, correct me if I'm wrong), but she might have had just a question about the number of names?  The way I read your comment was that you were advising that the guest could respond with one or two names of ADDITIONAL people, not including herself.  Which didn't make sense to me on the first read, so maybe didn't make sense to her, either.
    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • LtPowers said:
    Or, if it will make a guest more comfortable, a gracious host could worry less about the so-called imposition to herself, and let the guest just respond with one or two names in what is hopefully a timely fashion.

    What would the second name be for, if I may?


    Powers &8^]

    To indicate the name of the person she intended to bring, after having been invited as Ms. Smith and Guest.

    Because she was called before invitations went out and was still unsure of who to bring as a guest but indicated that she was grateful for the added comfort and intended to bring someone. Because it is often much easier to be sure of your guest's ability to attend at 3 weeks rather than at 8 weeks.

    The "& Guest" person understands that he or she is the guest of a guest and will not get his or her panties in a wad that he or she was not named on the invitation. The host understands that it is foolishness to make a seating chart or escort cards until the RSVPs come in anyway, so she has no added difficulty in her life.

    You're clearly not understanding that people's lives often have to be more flexible than your own social calendar, so I imagine you'll disagree with this.

    You don't have to give anyone the option of a guest, but if you do give them the option for their own comfort, why not do it in a way they can actually use and which is actually comfortable?

    @PrettyGirlLost and @southernbelle0915 - is this not ridiculous?


    I think, flan (and LtPowers, correct me if I'm wrong), but she might have had just a question about the number of names?  The way I read your comment was that you were advising that the guest could respond with one or two names of ADDITIONAL people, not including herself.  Which didn't make sense to me on the first read, so maybe didn't make sense to her, either.
    That's certainly possible, and I don't discount it (and didn't when I read it) but since she's already set herself up to say under no circumstances should someone be addressed with an "& Guest" and that if a guest can't get their shit together before invitations even go out, they don't deserve a guest. So I was just clarifying my opposing viewpoint, which I was referring to in the comment she questioned.

  • I think, flan (and LtPowers, correct me if I'm wrong), but she might have had just a question about the number of names?  The way I read your comment was that you were advising that the guest could respond with one or two names of ADDITIONAL people, not including herself.  Which didn't make sense to me on the first read, so maybe didn't make sense to her, either.

    You are not incorrect, except with your choice of pronoun.


    Powers  &8^]

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