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And so it begins...

rnsoonrnsoon member
Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I was SERIOUSLY hoping I wouldn't have to experience this.

I started nursing school in October 2014. Got engaged January 7. One of my nursing "buddies" said "so you're having 30 bridesmaids right?". That's how many are in my cohort. Another is like "I hope we are all invited, I know I'm excited". Then just other random people who I didn't plan on inviting are inviting themselves!

I want to pull my hair out because I'm totally a yes-(wo)man and don't like to hurt feelings, but am going for 50 (preferably less) people.

I've been bean-dipping the hell out of people, even non-immediate family members so I don't give false hope until I've narrowed everything down.

Wahhhhh
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Re: And so it begins...

  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2015
    rnsoon said:
    I was SERIOUSLY hoping I wouldn't have to experience this. I started nursing school in October 2014. Got engaged January 7. One of my nursing "buddies" said "so you're having 30 bridesmaids right?". That's how many are in my cohort. Another is like "I hope we are all invited, I know I'm excited". Then just other random people who I didn't plan on inviting are inviting themselves! I want to pull my hair out because I'm totally a yes-(wo)man and don't like to hurt feelings, but am going for 50 (preferably less) people. I've been bean-dipping the hell out of people, even non-immediate family members so I don't give false hope until I've narrowed everything down. Wahhhhh
    Yeah... I would try not to even talk about the wedding. At work, I HAVE talked about the wedding. Often because co workers have asked what I was doing, how planning was going, etc. A very sweet coworker has even asked "oh! are we all going to be invited?". I flat out told her no, that it was hard narrowing the guest list, and that we had to fit in family, people parent's wanted to invite, and that we're not inviting many friends. I smiled the whole way through that, and they all nodded and understood. They still like to ask about my wedding, but I really don't think anyone is expecting an invitation. Even my best friend at work, who I eat lunch with everyday, was surprised when I told her I needed her address. She's the only person from work I'm inviting. Seriously... I would emphasize from the beginning in shining lights to anyone who brings it up ***VERY SMALL WEDDING!*****
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  • rnsoonrnsoon member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I don't talk about it :( Sigh. People ask so have you done this or picked this out or blah blah. I'm just like no we haven't really talked about it. But speaking of that ALL my coworkers have already invited themselves too. Ugh. As we get closer I'm going to start saying it's just going to be a family affair lol. Sigh again.
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I'm a yes woman, so is my FI. I'm definitely a people pleaser, but it's not even close to my wedding yet. Coworkers (new job) are asking questions about it for friendly conversation, but that's all. I don't know what will happen if/when people start inviting themselves. I'll probably laugh out of nervousness. 
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    Funny Awkward animated GIF
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  • rnsoonrnsoon member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    MadHops21 said:
    I'm a yes woman, so is my FI. I'm definitely a people pleaser, but it's not even close to my wedding yet. Coworkers (new job) are asking questions about it for friendly conversation, but that's all. I don't know what will happen if/when people start inviting themselves. I'll probably laugh out of nervousness. 

    This is so me. I didn't know what to say about the 30 bridesmaids so I busted out laughing. It's not close to ours either! We literally have only been engaged a month lol. Just don't think it won't happen to you. A few weeks after I was telling my newly engaged friend not to let people force themselves in, I get engaged and it starts happening to me. Ugh!! I can't stand your hopping baby bunny. Too much cute!! Also, sorry if there are no paragraphs. I swear I'm hitting the enter button.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2015
    If I were you, I would start saying NOW you think it's going to be a tiny wedding. Lower expectations right off the bat. Then, if things change and you decide to invite some of them, they'll be pleasantly surprised. I feel like it makes it more awkward to say nothing and let their assumption continue. Just be like "I WISH! It's probably going to be a very very small wedding. ugh, money". The end. They're being blunt, so you can be blunt. Saves them from feeling embarrased later on when they realize they're not going to be invited, despite their (wrong) assumption. And if you let them chatter on about it.. that embarrassment will be worse.
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    rnsoon said:
    MadHops21 said:
    I'm a yes woman, so is my FI. I'm definitely a people pleaser, but it's not even close to my wedding yet. Coworkers (new job) are asking questions about it for friendly conversation, but that's all. I don't know what will happen if/when people start inviting themselves. I'll probably laugh out of nervousness. 

    This is so me. I didn't know what to say about the 30 bridesmaids so I busted out laughing. It's not close to ours either! We literally have only been engaged a month lol. Just don't think it won't happen to you. A few weeks after I was telling my newly engaged friend not to let people force themselves in, I get engaged and it starts happening to me. Ugh!! I can't stand your hopping baby bunny. Too much cute!! Also, sorry if there are no paragraphs. I swear I'm hitting the enter button.
    All good, this site is weird on mobile. I've been engaged for almost a year and a half now, we're having a long engagement. I haven't heard of anything too crazy yet, but I've been told it really starts getting crazy a few months before the wedding. I'm pretty excited about that.

    Enjoy my bunny! 
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
    Funny Awkward animated GIF
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  • rnsoonrnsoon member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    lilacck28 said:

    If I were you, I would start saying NOW you think it's going to be a tiny wedding. Lower expectations right off the bat. Then, if things change and you decide to invite some of them, they'll be pleasantly surprised. I feel like it makes it more awkward to say nothing and let their assumption continue. Just be like "I WISH! It's probably going to be a very very small wedding. ugh, money". The end. They're being blunt, so you can be blunt. Saves them from feeling embarrased later on when they realize they're not going to be invited, despite their (wrong) assumption. And if you let them chatter on about it.. that embarrassment will be worse.

    A very good point you make! One of the comments was made via facebook on a photo I posted today. I've made absolutely sure not to mention ANYTHING wedding related. It was just a cute picture of us and she commented saying she hoped they were all invited. I would rather not discuss that via social media. Should I just wait til the next time it comes up? Any thoughts?
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Yep, it can be so annoying. People can be really presumptuous and rude, and love to put you on the spot or just go ahead and invite themselves. 

    If they push it, I would just say "we're only able to invite immediate family" and then change the subject. Normally I wouldn't say that (just bean dip) but if they're going to be pushy or persistent about it, shut them down. 
    image
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  • Jon+Bec15Jon+Bec15 member
    First Comment
    I use the small wedding excuse when it comes up, mainly because we hadn't finalized the invite list. Has worked really well until an immediate family member overheard the conversation and piped up, "Oh, I thought you were inviting over 100 people, that isn't small! Did something change." At that point I just changed the subject!
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jon+Bec15 said:
    I use the small wedding excuse when it comes up, mainly because we hadn't finalized the invite list. Has worked really well until an immediate family member overheard the conversation and piped up, "Oh, I thought you were inviting over 100 people, that isn't small! Did something change." At that point I just changed the subject!
    OMG.  This would have been my face at your family member:

    image


    image
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2015

    rnsoon said:
    If I were you, I would start saying NOW you think it's going to be a tiny wedding. Lower expectations right off the bat. Then, if things change and you decide to invite some of them, they'll be pleasantly surprised. I feel like it makes it more awkward to say nothing and let their assumption continue. Just be like "I WISH! It's probably going to be a very very small wedding. ugh, money". The end. They're being blunt, so you can be blunt. Saves them from feeling embarrased later on when they realize they're not going to be invited, despite their (wrong) assumption. And if you let them chatter on about it.. that embarrassment will be worse.
    A very good point you make! One of the comments was made via facebook on a photo I posted today. I've made absolutely sure not to mention ANYTHING wedding related. It was just a cute picture of us and she commented saying she hoped they were all invited. I would rather not discuss that via social media. Should I just wait til the next time it comes up? Any thoughts?
    Hmm. social media makes it tougher/ more awkward/ even ruder of her I think. In person things just pop out like "i hope we can come!" on social media, it just seems passive aggressive.

     I think I'd say something like "I hope I get to see you soon! Haven't finalized guest list/ budget yet, but I think it's going to be a very small wedding. OMG I just noticed your shirt in your profile picture-- I love it!! "

    Or, I'd totally ignore it and not respond.
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  • rnsoonrnsoon member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    @lilacck28‌ - I liked her comment because she said we are a "beautiful couple". But I agree, it is more awkward/rude. I didn't want to be equally rude and call her out on social media lol. Should it come up again, I'll tell anyone who butts in that it's a family affair.



    @Jon+Bec15‌ - That's exactly why I've been saying we haven't talked about it! I have a draft of the list, I have an idea of venue, but we really haven't discussed anything hard and fast, if that saying makes sense here. Thankfully, I am living out of town and none of my family has the chance to do that, lol. But ugh I'm so sorry that happened to you!! I would be making the same face as the dude in the meme lol
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