Is there a way to have 2 of my bridesmaids feel a little "More important"

myfairytale408 · February 2015

My sister is my maid of honor. I have two twin best friends as bridesmaids along with other close friends. However, It is know that I am extremely close with these two best friends and I was even the maid of honor in one of their weddings. Is there a way I can do something to make them feel as though they are recognized as my best friends? I was thinking maybe putting their own charms in their bouquets with "best friends" on it or something and not in the other girls. Just something that could make them stand out a bit. Any suggestions would be helpful.

flantastic · February 2015

Maybe just tell them how much they mean to you, rather than creating possibly hurtful tiers of bridesmaids?

myfairytale408 said:

My sister is my maid of honor. I have two twin best friends as bridesmaids along with other close friends. However, It is know that I am extremely close with these two best friends and I was even the maid of honor in one of their weddings. Is there a way I can do something to make them feel as though they are recognized as my best friends? I was thinking maybe putting their own charms in their bouquets with "best friends" on it or something and not in the other girls. Just something that could make them stand out a bit. Any suggestions would be helpful.

mikenberger · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

My sister is my maid of honor. I have two twin best friends as bridesmaids along with other close friends. However, It is know that I am extremely close with these two best friends and I was even the maid of honor in one of their weddings. Is there a way I can do something to make them feel as though they are recognized as my best friends? I was thinking maybe putting their own charms in their bouquets with "best friends" on it or something and not in the other girls. Just something that could make them stand out a bit. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Why don't you just have those two in your wedding and not your sister? Or why would you want to potentially alienate your sister from the rest of the wedding party? Seems very cliquish and almost "mean girls"-esque.

I wouldn't do this. Not in a million years.

myfairytale408 · February 2015

I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

Charms that say "Best Friend" remind me of those necklaces that were popular in like 3rd grade. A little juvenline, IMHO.

How many BMs do you have total? You could use different colored ribbon for the MOH's and their bouquets - like use white for their's and some other color for the rest of your BMs. You could write them each a special thank you note to give with their gift telling them how much they mean to you. A hand written note is from the heart - not Things Remembered - and would mean a lot more to me than a charm.

mikenberger · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

No, you ARE alienating your sister. "I want to give these two bridesmaids something SPECIAL so they know that they are my best friends." Why not get each of them a charm of something special that you share? Why do you have to give it to just two out of three bridesmaids?

flantastic · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

People will give you opinions anyway - that's how message boards work. I gave you a suggestion, which will probably mean the most to them - take them aside and tell them how much your friendship has meant to them. They shouldn't need to have their "status" as your most bestest friends displayed to the other girls. If it means something, it's adequate if only they know.

myfairytale408 · February 2015

My sister is standing out in her own way, different dress different bouquet than all the girls. I have 6 other bridesmaids..not sure where you got 3 from...

mikenberger · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

My sister is standing out in her own way, different dress different bouquet than all the girls. I have 6 other bridesmaids..not sure where you got 3 from...

Because you only mentioned three bridesmaids. Your sister and you two bestest friends.

Yeah, now you're just being ultrarude to everybody else in your bridal party.

myfairytale408 · February 2015

I have also heard of people doing "honorary bridesmaid" so it is not out of the norm.

I am not going to defend myself any longer. That is your opinion. However, if anyone has any suggestions for me, like I asked for.. that would be great

flantastic · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I have also heard of people doing "honorary bridesmaid" so it is not out of the norm.

I am not going to defend myself any longer. That is your opinion. However, if anyone has any suggestions for me, like I asked for.. that would be great

Just because people do it doesn't mean it's not super rude.

myfairytale408 · February 2015

flantastic said:

myfairytale408 said:

I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

People will give you opinions anyway - that's how message boards work. I gave you a suggestion, which will probably mean the most to them - take them aside and tell them how much your friendship has meant to them. They shouldn't need to have their "status" as your most bestest friends displayed to the other girls. If it means something, it's adequate if only they know.

Okay thanks for your suggestion.

mikenberger · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I have also heard of people doing "honorary bridesmaid" so it is not out of the norm.

I am not going to defend myself any longer. That is your opinion. However, if anyone has any suggestions for me, like I asked for.. that would be great

1- The quote button is fantastic. I'm assuming that you're responding to me but I don't know for sure. The quote button can be found underneath every post.

2- I gave you a suggestion: Get EVERY girl a charm in your bridal party of something that you share. Not just these two bridesmaids.

3- Honorary bridesmaid is made up term for selling dresses.

You posted on a message board. You opened yourself to opinions.

KatWAG · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

------

Well, maybe you arent familiar with how the internet works. But you posted on an internet forum. You cant tell people how to post. You posed a posed a question. People responded with their opinions.

I think the "best friend" charm is juvenile and something a 13 year old would do.

Like a PP mentioned, it would also alienate you other BMs. Skip the charms.

Isnt being part of your wedding a big enough honor?

slothiegal · February 2015

myfairytale408 said: I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

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My suggestion is that you don't start singling out your BMs and create a potentially hurtful situation.

Why not write them a little note telling them how much you appreciate them standing by your side? I wrote my BMs, F(at the time)SILs, and my parents individual notes that I gave them at the rehearsal dinner the night before. It was nothing fancy, just a message stating how excited and happy I was to have each person in my life, especially for my wedding.

eta TK ate boxes

thespeshulestsnowflake · February 2015

So your sister is your MOH and these two girls get "spechul you're my BFF" pins. What about the other 3 girls? Are they chopped liver? This is totally ranking your BMs. How crappy would the other 3 people feel that you are saying "Well my sister is so special to me, she is my MOH. The twins are so special to me, they get these pins. The other three are just there." Because even if you aren't saying it outloud, it is how they will feel.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

Speaking from experience: the last wedding I was a BM in, the bride made it a point to give additional "special gifts" to the BMs she felt had done more for the wedding or were super special or something, which was fine except she did this at the rehearsal dinner in front of the entire wedding party. So, if you go down that route do so privately, maybe.

ETA: It's hard to type because it's Friday.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

slothiegal said:

myfairytale408 said:

I am not alienating my sister from the wedding, She is my sister and I want her as my maid of honor. I just thought I could do a little something extra for these two girls. I was asking for suggestions, not opinions.

-----------

My suggestion is that you don't start singling out your BMs and create a potentially hurtful situation.

Why not write them a little note telling them how much you appreciate them standing by your side? I wrote my BMs, F(at the time)SILs, and my parents individual notes that I gave them at the rehearsal dinner the night before. It was nothing fancy, just a message stating how excited and happy I was to have each person in my life, especially for my wedding.

eta TK ate boxes

I love this so much, I'm tucking it away for next June with our WP. Such a wonderful idea.

beachyone15 · February 2015

I wrote all of my girls an individual note. I gave them their notes and gifts right before the ceremony and my photographer actually commented on how thoughtful a handwritten note was, and said she rarely sees brides do that.

I'm sure your girls would appreciate a note, but I also think that if you are so close, then they already know how much you appreciate them. You don't have to single two of them out. Good friends know they are good friends.

Jen4948 · February 2015

My suggestion is that you don't do "something extra" for these girls that your sister is left out of just because she's your MOH. My opinion (by posting on a public Internet forum, where anyone is allowed to give it whether you asked for it or not) is to treat all your bridesmaids, whether or not they are your sibling or your MOH, equally and avoid unnecessary distinctions and potential hurt feelings.

LD1970 · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I have also heard of people doing "honorary bridesmaid" so it is not out of the norm.

I am not going to defend myself any longer. That is your opinion. However, if anyone has any suggestions for me, like I asked for.. that would be great

Just FYI, you're misunderstanding "honorary bridesmaid." It doesn't mean "especially honorED bridesmaid." It means someone I'm *almost* honoring by *almost* making a bridesmaid. It's actually a LESSER "honor," not a greater one. So avoid that for these girls, for sure, even putting aside the fact that it's made up.

Honestly, I like the private note idea. I get wanting to especially honor your best-of-the-best friends, but don't do it publicly. Even if you don't intend it, putting out there for the world to see that "these two are better than the other three" necessarily also means "those three aren't as good as these two," which just isn't cool.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

I had a MOH and 9 BMs. They were my sisters, SILs, best friend from high school, and closest friends from college. I asked each one of them to be in my bridal party because they were all special to me. I got them each an individual gift I knew they would love and wrote them all personal notes of gratitude.

No one was more special than another.

rcher912 · February 2015

I think the point PPs are trying to get across is simply that you can't make someone in a room feel more important without making other people feel less important. And if the people you chose for your BP, your sister/MOH included, are important to you, then making them feel that way isn't something you want to do.

A private note, maybe a little extra something in their gift, or even just a post-wedding mani/pedi for the three of you. Just don't do it in front of everyone where there's a more/less quality to it.

snarkymaid · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

I have also heard of people doing "honorary bridesmaid" so it is not out of the norm.

I am not going to defend myself any longer. That is your opinion. However, if anyone has any suggestions for me, like I asked for.. that would be great

You know, the last time I shouted at someone "that's not what I asked for!!!" I was like 9 and my mother sent me to my room without dinner.

Grown ups throwing tantrums. Precious.

plainjane0415 · February 2015

Why do you even have 6 bridesmaids? It seems silly to have 6 if there are only 2 that you think are so special.

MGP · February 2015

My suggestion would be to make quality time with them that's not wedding related. Seriously, women are very observational and perceptive. If I saw a "BFF" charm on someone else's bouquet and I didn't have one, I would feel a little hurt.

floridabride44 · February 2015

myfairytale408 said:

My sister is my maid of honor. I have two twin best friends as bridesmaids along with other close friends. However, It is know that I am extremely close with these two best friends and I was even the maid of honor in one of their weddings. Is there a way I can do something to make them feel as though they are recognized as my best friends? I was thinking maybe putting their own charms in their bouquets with "best friends" on it or something and not in the other girls. Just something that could make them stand out a bit. Any suggestions would be helpful.

AddieCake · February 2015

Give them sashes with BFF on them. I seriously don't get this. MsOH with sparkly pins in their hair, special trinkets in a bouquet, etc? No guest notices that shit. Ooooooh, Susy and Jenny have pink hair bows! They must be the best friends! Sarah has a sparkly brooch. She must be the maid of honor! No little whatever is going to make anybody "stand out." And yeah, having your BFFs have something special is rude as hell to the rest of the bridesmaids.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

Suggestion: buy individual greeting cards that speak to your relationship with them, and write personal sentiments in each. It's great and goes over well!

MairePoppy · February 2015

It's not polite to publicly rank your bms.

IT is polite to write thoughtful notes to each bm.

Honorary bm is an oxymoron. It's no honor to be told you're not important enough to be in the wedding party, but you should dress in Xcolor so the guests will know who my second string friends are.

Knottie49691771 · February 2015

Honestly, this entire dilemma, if you will, seems juvenile to me. These two ladies obviously know you have a sister that is going to be the MOH, so would they even expect to feel "more important"?

Planning a wedding is difficult enough. My advice: "Don't fix what ain't broke".

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