I'm sure there have been TONS of posts on this. I think I've probably read some but... It's late and I'm lazy and don't feel like searching through the forums for them.
I'm working on addressing my invitations. I'm going to use Minted's addressing services. The design for my invites uses a large. pretty , cursive font for the first line/ names, and a smaller printed font for all the other lines. It does not appear that I can change the size of the font. This creates some space issues.
Issue number 1:
Ideally, for married couples I'd like to do something like: Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe, but sometimes including both last names does not fit on one line. My parents for example: Dr. Four AndNiness and Mrs. Sevenss AndNiness. Two nine-letter last names do not fit.
I've done some quick online browsing (plus all the invitation knottie posts I've skimmed) and most sources seem to shorten my preferred "Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. Jane Doe" with "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe"
Yet, that seems very odd to me. Then you have Mrs. or Ms. in front of John. What's wrong with using "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe" or "Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe"? I vaguely remember some etiquette rule says that you should not separate a man's first name from his last but why does that matter when it's perfectly fine to separate a woman's first name from her last? And doesn't that rule contradict the "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe" adaptation too?
(note: I know I could use the traditional Mr. and Mrs. John Doe to save a lot of space . I don't want to, and I'm not going to.)
Issue number 2:
Unmarried couples/ married couple with different last names:
If I do names on separate lines, which is often suggested for unmarried couples or when the wife does not take husband's last name, or simply to save space, then the name on line two looks quite diminutive. I don't care about kids looking like second class citizens (I joke, sort of), but I do not want any member of a couple to look like one. If possible, I'd like to stay semi-formal...(i.e. using titles-- Mr. Ms. Mrs. Dr.) but if I have to, I think I will ignore titles or I will use the nickname (Matt instead of Matthew... the horror!) on some invitations in favor of having both couples names on the first line. Most of the names of my unmarried friends in relationships seem to fit on the first line without doing that though. (yay!)
Basically, I know what I'm proposing for issue number 1 and 2 is against etiquette. But.. are these breaches actually offensive to anyone? Do I really need to feel guilty about this?
Issue number 3:
I would like to address people based on their preferences. Prefer Ms? cool. Mrs? fine. Dr? Of course. But how am I supposed to know for married non doctor women?? My understanding is that "Ms." is always safest/ less likely to offend. (I think most people of my acquaintance are liberal feminists, but maybe not all of them? Read: older generation? But they might be too?)