Wedding Party dilemma!!

angelaanderic2014 · February 2015

Maggie0829 · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

So I have a dilemma! I got engaged in May of 2014 and almost immediately picked my wedding party because we were hoping to get married in August of 2014 but we couldn't make that happen. I chose my best friend of 15+ years as my Maid of Honor, another best friend and 2 cousins as Bridesmaids. So flash forward to now. We are getting married in June and my chosen MOH isn't being as reliable as I had hoped. I do not want to pull her title away, but I want to offer her to split the title and duties with my cousin who I am very close to and who from what I hear and see has been more pro-active in the planning process.

My fiance is fine with me doing this as he understands how I feel.

What do you all think? I know it's OUR day and I can do whatever the hell I please, but I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this. I should have just chose them both at the beginning.

The only thing that your MOH is required to do is to buy the chosen attire and show up on time at your wedding. Remember, you gave her this title as a way to HONOR her and your relationship with her. Regardless of what you see in the movies or on Pinterest or TV or wedding websites (even TK), your BMs have no other duties then to buy the dress and stand up with you at the ceremony.

And it stops being your day when you involve others. So no you can't just do whatever the hell you want. You need to take into consideration those you are inviting and including and their comfort level.

So the best course of action is to do nothing because your friend has done nothing wrong.

angelaanderic2014 · February 2015

Well, Maggie... there numerous times she hasn't been available. And while I did ask for opinions... I didn't ask for people to be rude.

flantastic · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

Well, Maggie... there numerous times she hasn't been available. And while I did ask for opinions... I didn't ask for people to be rude.

She wasn't rude. She stated the facts, and asked you to remember what's important. What does the bolded mean? Just because you're a bride doesn't mean your WP doesn't still have their own lives and need to be available to you 24/7 or able to make your pre-wedding parties or whatever.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

Well, Maggie... there numerous times she hasn't been available. And while I did ask for opinions... I didn't ask for people to be rude.

Again, this is not an issue. She doesn't have to make herself to be available to you all the time just because you are getting married. She has a life too, or did you forget that?

plainjane0415 · February 2015

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes

angelaanderic2014 said:

Well, Maggie... there numerous times she hasn't been available. And while I did ask for opinions... I didn't ask for people to be rude.

Again, this is not an issue. She doesn't have to make herself to be available to you all the time just because you are getting married. She has a life too, or did you forget that?

The bolded, YES! OP, have you tried to talk to her as a friend to see what's going on in her life? See how she's doing? Maybe go out for dinner or drinks or something? Remember that she's your friend, and you need to treat her that way. Maybe she is really busy with work, or has some sort of personal problem going on.

angelaanderic2014 · February 2015

She cancels plans very often. Even after she makes them. I am very laid back and am not a Bridezilla. I do not expect her to drop her life. I have been very accommodating. I just feel like the things that she has taken on (THAT SHE TOOK ON BY BRINGING THEM UP and OFFERING TO DO) may be too much. I am actually trying to split the duties as a favor as she has a lot going on in her life with work, her kids and planning baby things for another friend of her.

flantastic · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

She cancels plans very often. Even after she makes them. I am very laid back and am not a Bridezilla. I do not expect her to drop her life. I have been very accommodating. I just feel like the things that she has taken on (THAT SHE TOOK ON BY BRINGING THEM UP and OFFERING TO DO) may be too much. I am actually trying to split the duties as a favor as she has a lot going on in her life with work, her kids and planning baby things for another friend of her.

Okay. There are still no duties, so if she can't finish planning your bachelorette party or whatever, you don't need to tag someone else in - you just don't have one, or someone else offers to plan something different.

I get frustrated when people are flaky, but is this a new thing or has she always been this way? If the former, check in with her and see if she's got something going on. If the latter, why would you expect your wedding to make things any different?

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

She cancels plans very often. Even after she makes them. I am very laid back and am not a Bridezilla. I do not expect her to drop her life. I have been very accommodating. I just feel like the things that she has taken on (THAT SHE TOOK ON BY BRINGING THEM UP and OFFERING TO DO) may be too much. I am actually trying to split the duties as a favor as she has a lot going on in her life with work, her kids and planning baby things for another friend of her.

What are you accommodating about? And since she isn't obligated to be your worker bee she should not have offered to do tasks that weren't her responsibility to begin with. But oh well. She is your friend.

These "duties" you keep bringing up. What are you talking about? Buying her BM dress is her only duty.

ETA: You seem to be discussing bullshit drama with your FI, but is he planning your wedding with you? Or is a vagina required for wedding planning?

Maggie0829 · February 2015

You keep missing the point here. There. Are. No. Duties. So you have nothing to split up. And you shouldn't be telling people what they should do for you. If the volunteer great, but you certainly don't assign tasks to people.

And I am guessing that this friend of yours just didn't all of a sudden start being a flake. Don't expect people to change just because you are getting married. And if she did just start becoming flaky then maybe you should be more worried about your friend and what might be going on in her life then what she is not doing for you.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

So I have a dilemma! I got engaged in May of 2014 and almost immediately picked my wedding party because we were hoping to get married in August of 2014 but we couldn't make that happen. I chose my best friend of 15+ years as my Maid of Honor, another best friend and 2 cousins as Bridesmaids. So flash forward to now. We are getting married in June and my chosen MOH isn't being as reliable as I had hoped. I do not want to pull her title away, but I want to offer her to split the title and duties with my cousin who I am very close to and who from what I hear and see has been more pro-active in the planning process.

My fiance is fine with me doing this as he understands how I feel.

What do you all think? I know it's OUR day and I can do whatever the hell I please, but I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this. I should have just chose them both at the beginning.

Any time I read this, sirens go off in my mind.

Look, there are no bridesmaid/MOH duties aside from showing up the day of the wedding in the dress, sober and ready to smile in the pictures.

If your friend has a history of being flaky, that doesn't mean she won't be any less flaky because it's involving a wedding. If she doesn't have a history of being flaky, I would be more concerned about the friendship rather than her involvement in the wedding.

ETA: If the duties you're talking about are the bridal shower or bachelorette party, these are actually not required to get married. These are really nice extras for sure but not required as you and your FI plan your wedding together.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

Hey, the second DD on this board of the day. Fun fun!

Seriously, what in the world do you think they're supposed to be helping you with, that you can't do yourself or your FI can't do himself or with you?

novella1186 · February 2015

Are you fucking kidding me? 2 DDs in a row?

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, TK!

mikenberger · February 2015

novella1186 said:

Are you fucking kidding me? 2 DDs in a row?

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, TK!

haha at least we're getting better at quoting

flantastic · February 2015

Oh good. I'm sure the OP realized that there was no true dilemma here, she should check in with her MOH about something other than her own wedding, and she deleted her post because more advice was no longer needed.

slothiegal · February 2015

angelaanderic2014 said:

She cancels plans very often. Even after she makes them. I am very laid back and am not a Bridezilla. I do not expect her to drop her life. I have been very accommodating. I just feel like the things that she has taken on (THAT SHE TOOK ON BY BRINGING THEM UP and OFFERING TO DO) may be too much. I am actually trying to split the duties as a favor as she has a lot going on in her life with work, her kids and planning baby things for another friend of her.

Could've fooled me.

levioosa · February 2015

I just love how many "BRIDESMAID DILEMMAS" we have here. The world is totally crashing down at the lack of planned bridal showers and bridal head pieces.

Wedding Party dilemma!!

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