Rude to leave off cousins?

Re: Rude to leave off cousins?

• flantastic member

  

  February 2015

  squiggle104 said:

  Is it rude to not invite (say) a cousin and her family to my wedding if I attended her wedding about 5 years ago? Or to not invite a different cousin who invited me to his wedding (which I didn't attend because they ended up actually not having the wedding), who I haven't seen but maybe twice in the past 10 years?
  The problem is, I would want to invite my aunt and uncle (parents of those cousins) because I am actually close to them...
  
  All that being said...the cousins above mentioned, do live out of state so there is a chance they may not want to make the trip anyway, would it be better etiquette to just send them an invite so they know they are in my thoughts? And if they come then they come?
  I just really don't want to make anyone in my family angry!!! Help!
  

  You do not owe anyone a wedding invitation, even if they invited you to their wedding. Your cousins are adults and a separate social unit from your aunt and uncle, so inviting the parents does not mean you have to invite the children, etiquette-wise. If you send them an invite, be prepared for them to come.

  However, we can't predict what family will get irrationally upset about. Are you inviting other cousins? That's perfectly within your rights (to invite some cousins and not others) but you can see where uninvited cousins might wonder "why them and not me?"
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  February 2015

  No, it's not rude. Wedding invitations aren't tit for tat and not everyone needs to be invited to your wedding. Invite who you want to invite and who you're close to.

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• novella1186 member

  

  February 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  No, it's not rude. Wedding invitations aren't tit for tat and not everyone needs to be invited to your wedding. Invite who you want to invite and who you're close to.

  This. Exactly this. 

  

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• princessleia22 member

  

  February 2015

  Nope, not rude at all... invite who you want to invite. It's usually best to invite in circles, though.  Like if you invite cousin Bill on moms side, but not cousins Joe & Sue on mom's side, they may get upset for being left out, but it's still not rude on your part. If you invite mom's side cousins, but not dad's side, that's not likely to cause problems though, since they likely don't know each other. But, it's your party and you can invite whomever you want.  Inviting in circles usually just saves some drama.  

  We wanted a small wedding.  DH has a total of 2 cousins.  I have 20 cousins, not including their spouses and kids.  There are a couple of my cousins I wouldn't mind inviting, but I didn't want to double my guest list and I didn't want to cause any strife from other cousins feeling left out (and I have no doubt that it would have caused some drama with that side of the family).  So, we invited my aunts & uncles, but none of my cousins. We did invite DH's 2 cousins though.

   

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• SP29 member

  

  February 2015

  Nope, not rude at all.

  
  

  Your cousins are separate social units from your aunt and uncle so it is perfectly acceptable to invite aunt and uncle but not cousins.

  
  

  Recommended to invite in circles (so family doesn't get hurt feelings), but there is no rule, so invite who you WANT to be there.

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• cakemurderer member

  

  February 2015

  The general consensus on this site seems to be that you're under no obligation to invite family, which I suppose makes logical sense. But, since you're dealing with people and their emotions and different family dynamics, that advice might not apply to your situation. Only you can know if it's going to cause the kind of drama that you'll hear about at every family gathering for the rest of your life. Or perhaps your cousins will completely understand and there will be no tension at all. 

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• allispain member

  

  February 2015

  Not rude at all. We invited all of my cousins, since I'm close to them. DH didn't invite any of his because he's not, though he did invite all his aunts and uncles.

  
  

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