Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Weekend

I have decided to head to Austin, TX for my stagette.  It is down to two weekends, and I am having a hard time deciding between them.  One weekend, one of my bridesmaids can't go because she has an event she would like to attend on the Saturday.  The other weekend, one of my bridesmaids (and future SIL) can't go because she has a weekend booked in Disneyland.  I'm not sure there is really an answer to this dilemma, but any input?

Re: Bachelorette Weekend

  • I have decided to head to Austin, TX for my stagette.  It is down to two weekends, and I am having a hard time deciding between them.  One weekend, one of my bridesmaids can't go because she has an event she would like to attend on the Saturday.  The other weekend, one of my bridesmaids (and future SIL) can't go because she has a weekend booked in Disneyland.  I'm not sure there is really an answer to this dilemma, but any input?
    Pick a weekend when everyone can go?
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    charcoalandblush
  • Flip a coin? Pick a different weekend? 
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  • Plan something that isn't an entire weekend?
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    artbyallieBlue_Birdfwtx5815
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Why does it have to be an entire weekend? That's a lot to ask of people.

    Formerly martha1818

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    fwtx5815
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I probably wouldn't go to any bachelorette which was out of town and took up a whole weekend, so maybe scale it back?
    fwtx5815
  • Are the ladies in question giving you a hard time about it, as in "sure you favor her, why do I bother?" If so, you may have to look for another weekend if you want to keep the peace.  If there are no hard feelings on either side, talk to FI about how important it is to have your FSIL there vs. your friend. This may be a time when you have to err on the side of family.
    futuremrsfama
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Plan something that isn't an entire weekend?

    I'm doing a weekend.  Most of my BMs are from out of town, and it seems crazy to ask them to fly in for a day.  Obviously, I'm more than understanding if people can't go, because either way they have to fly, but a weekend seemed like the only way to get more than 2 BMs to be able to attend.
    futuremrsfama
  • You can't plan your own bachelorette anyway, so until and unless someone offers to throw it for you, problem solved.

    P.S. I don't like other people planning weekends away and expecting me to go on them. Most people probably agree with me even if they're too polite to say so to your face.
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    esstee33lovegood90Viczaesarfwtx5815
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Party both weekends.

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    futuremrsfamafwtx5815hicocoAshpash415
  • I think whether you have a bachelorette destination weekend depends on your situation. Like @dcbride86, no matter where the bachelorette party was, people would have to travel. So my MOH picked a destination weekend in a city that was relatively cheap airfare-wise and are using airbnb/vrbo to get a more affordable house rental.

    Also, my group of friends loves to travel and see new places, so people were generally excited to get to visit a new city.

    Finally, if there is a pre-wedding event that requires any sort of travel, I think you have to be more understanding that there are going to be people that aren't going to be able to come, whether it's because of money, time, or just "I don't want to go away for a whole weekend for a bachelorette." 

    You just need to pick one of the weekends and accept that whatever the choice, one of your BMs will not be able to attend. 
    futuremrsfama
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    You can't plan your own bachelorette anyway, so until and unless someone offers to throw it for you, problem solved.

    P.S. I don't like other people planning weekends away and expecting me to go on them. Most people probably agree with me even if they're too polite to say so to your face.

    I agree, most people don't like that.  I didn't expect anyone to go to mine, and made it clear that they should not feel pressured to do so.  Some aren't, but most are (partly because the work trip gods smiled and let my CA friend have a trip close to my bachelorette party).  But when most of your BMs are from out of town, it makes sense to pick a more central location, and hope it makes the flight easier.  I'm going to 2 out of town bachelorette parties after my wedding, and I'm actually not annoyed by either.  I think it'll be very fun, and a great excuse to get away for the weekend!  But then again, I would probably be annoyed if these were my 9th and 10th out of town bachelorette parties or something
    Junebug2015kat1114
  • dcbride86 said:
    You can't plan your own bachelorette anyway, so until and unless someone offers to throw it for you, problem solved.

    P.S. I don't like other people planning weekends away and expecting me to go on them. Most people probably agree with me even if they're too polite to say so to your face.

    I agree, most people don't like that.  I didn't expect anyone to go to mine, and made it clear that they should not feel pressured to do so.  Some aren't, but most are (partly because the work trip gods smiled and let my CA friend have a trip close to my bachelorette party).  But when most of your BMs are from out of town, it makes sense to pick a more central location, and hope it makes the flight easier.  I'm going to 2 out of town bachelorette parties after my wedding, and I'm actually not annoyed by either.  I think it'll be very fun, and a great excuse to get away for the weekend!  But then again, I would probably be annoyed if these were my 9th and 10th out of town bachelorette parties or something
    I agree. With my group of friends, out of town bachelorettes are pretty standard because we are spread out across the country. If I had a hometown one, it would have been me and one friend.

    I think as long as everyone agrees on a budget and destination, it can be really fun. 

    futuremrsfama
  • Are you extremely extremely close with your FSIL? Does she know people who are going? Because if not, I would probably go the weekend that she can't make it. I love my FSIL dearly, but if I were in that situation not only would she understand, she would probably be slightly relieved since she doesn't know any of my friends and is much younger than us. You obviously know your relationships better and if this is something that she has been really really looking forward to than you may need to plan a different weekend. 
  • kat1114 said:
    dcbride86 said:
    You can't plan your own bachelorette anyway, so until and unless someone offers to throw it for you, problem solved.

    P.S. I don't like other people planning weekends away and expecting me to go on them. Most people probably agree with me even if they're too polite to say so to your face.

    I agree, most people don't like that.  I didn't expect anyone to go to mine, and made it clear that they should not feel pressured to do so.  Some aren't, but most are (partly because the work trip gods smiled and let my CA friend have a trip close to my bachelorette party).  But when most of your BMs are from out of town, it makes sense to pick a more central location, and hope it makes the flight easier.  I'm going to 2 out of town bachelorette parties after my wedding, and I'm actually not annoyed by either.  I think it'll be very fun, and a great excuse to get away for the weekend!  But then again, I would probably be annoyed if these were my 9th and 10th out of town bachelorette parties or something
    I agree. With my group of friends, out of town bachelorettes are pretty standard because we are spread out across the country. If I had a hometown one, it would have been me and one friend.

    I think as long as everyone agrees on a budget and destination, it can be really fun. 
    I'll third this. If I was in a wedding where all the BM's lived in the same area and someone tried to plan an OOT bachelorette party I might be a little irritated. But if everyone is spread out anyway, it's going to involve travel no matter what, so might as well pick a location that would be fun for everyone. And at that point, going for only one day would be not worth it, so a weekend event makes the most sense. It just depends on the situation and the group. 
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    futuremrsfama
  • hsgator said:
    kat1114 said:
    I agree. With my group of friends, out of town bachelorettes are pretty standard because we are spread out across the country. If I had a hometown one, it would have been me and one friend.

    I think as long as everyone agrees on a budget and destination, it can be really fun. 
    I'll third this. If I was in a wedding where all the BM's lived in the same area and someone tried to plan an OOT bachelorette party I might be a little irritated. But if everyone is spread out anyway, it's going to involve travel no matter what, so might as well pick a location that would be fun for everyone. And at that point, going for only one day would be not worth it, so a weekend event makes the most sense. It just depends on the situation and the group. 

    This is exactly my situation. Two of my BMs live in my current city, two live in my hometown, and the others and the rest of my female friends are spread across the country (at least 6 different cities I can think of off the top of my head). Basically anywhere I have my bachelorette will be OOT for the vast majority of the guests. 

    We're going to do Vegas. It's (a) way more fun than my current town or my hometown, and (b) actually cheaper to fly to than flying between my current city and my hometown.

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    futuremrsfamafloridabride44

  • hsgator said:
    kat1114 said:
    I agree. With my group of friends, out of town bachelorettes are pretty standard because we are spread out across the country. If I had a hometown one, it would have been me and one friend.

    I think as long as everyone agrees on a budget and destination, it can be really fun. 
    I'll third this. If I was in a wedding where all the BM's lived in the same area and someone tried to plan an OOT bachelorette party I might be a little irritated. But if everyone is spread out anyway, it's going to involve travel no matter what, so might as well pick a location that would be fun for everyone. And at that point, going for only one day would be not worth it, so a weekend event makes the most sense. It just depends on the situation and the group. 

    This is exactly my situation. Two of my BMs live in my current city, two live in my hometown, and the others and the rest of my female friends are spread across the country (at least 6 different cities I can think of off the top of my head). Basically anywhere I have my bachelorette will be OOT for the vast majority of the guests. 

    We're going to do Vegas. It's (a) way more fun than my current town or my hometown, and (b) actually cheaper to fly to than flying between my current city and my hometown.
    And also, you can have a bachelorette weekend that is not in-your-face all about the bride. You can have "bachelorette" weekends that are more about the bridesmaids and other ladies getting to know each other and having fun exploring a new city.
    charcoalandblushfuturemrsfama
  • Thank you everyone for all the responses.  My bridesmaids, and girlfriends live all around the Country and Canada (where I am from), and almost everyone would have to fly no matter where it was held.  I ended up chatting with each of the ladies that couldn't make it, and we worked it out so everyone can come!!


  • Also, I am not planning the whole party.  I just did the preemptive research to get it rolling.

  • hsgator said:
    kat1114 said:
    I agree. With my group of friends, out of town bachelorettes are pretty standard because we are spread out across the country. If I had a hometown one, it would have been me and one friend.

    I think as long as everyone agrees on a budget and destination, it can be really fun. 
    I'll third this. If I was in a wedding where all the BM's lived in the same area and someone tried to plan an OOT bachelorette party I might be a little irritated. But if everyone is spread out anyway, it's going to involve travel no matter what, so might as well pick a location that would be fun for everyone. And at that point, going for only one day would be not worth it, so a weekend event makes the most sense. It just depends on the situation and the group. 

    This is exactly my situation. Two of my BMs live in my current city, two live in my hometown, and the others and the rest of my female friends are spread across the country (at least 6 different cities I can think of off the top of my head). Basically anywhere I have my bachelorette will be OOT for the vast majority of the guests. 

    We're going to do Vegas. It's (a) way more fun than my current town or my hometown, and (b) actually cheaper to fly to than flying between my current city and my hometown.
    @charcoalandblush We did Vegas too! It cost the same as any trip anywhere would have, basically (minus the gambling, hahah) and we actually drank for free the entire time because it was Super Bowl weekend and apparently groups of females are a rare breed in Vegas on that specific weekend. Anywhere else and we would've had to pay for all our drinks, haha  As long as OOT bachelorette parties are within everyones budget, and nobody is required to attend, I think they can be really fun. 
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    charcoalandblushfuturemrsfamaadettma32
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