Considerations

Re: Considerations

• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  That story was kind of hard to follow but no, you shouldn't let those comments get to you. Your wedding will never be convenient to every single guest; you just do the best you can and move on. If it's not doable, they won't come, and that's OK. Don't try to please everyone because you will never succeed.

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  kmbay84 said:

  Hi wonderful knotties,
  
  This is kind of random, but I was just curious what other people thought.  Or perhaps I just needed some support.  My wedding will be one state over, around five hours away and will also be in the summer.  I am getting married in Wisconsin, which you may know is not a tropical hot spot.  Pretty much all of my extended family is there, including my aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents which will take up about half of the guest list.  Ever since I moved away in 6th grade, I have alwayin my heart of heartss wanted to get married there so that my extended family and especially my grandparents could be there.  A major reason why we are getting married in Wisconsin is due to a large chunk of my family being there.  If I did not know anyone in Wisconsin, I wouldn't want to get married there and would just do it where we live.  I felt bad about making my friends and my FI's family and our friends drive five hours for a wedding so I told my FI we could get married here.  Most of his extended family is from out of state, so they would have to travel anyway.  However, he knew deep down that I wanted to have the wedding in Wisconsin so my family, especially my grandparents, could be there and was very insistent on it since he didn't want me to regret anything about our wedding day.  
  
  Anyway, most of my friends and family have been understanding and awesome about it, but I have also heard snide remarks about it being a destination wedding and thus too much of a burden for some people.  I don't feel like this Wisconsin city is a destination that people usually flock to get married at.  I get that some people won't be able to make it due to the traveling, cost, and possible time off of work and I completely understand.  That makes total sense to me.  I tried to make the time convenient by having the wedding on a Saturday at 4:30PM in the summer.  Most of the guests won't have to fly to get there, although I know gas can be expensive too.  I know that parking does not help in the grand scheme of the cost of traveling, but we sought out places that had free and available parking because I don't want to make my guests pay for parking after traveling all that way.  I felt as though these remarks were more hurtful than in the usual manner that they could be said.  I was also trying to patch things up with this friend and I just felt confused at the end of dinner.  I felt like a horrible person for even wanting a wedding and bridesmaids despite drama within our group of friends instead of eloping.  I am not doing anything schmancy fancy or over the top.  Just something simple and elegant.  We are getting married at a cute little chapel and then having the reception at a venue attached to a hotel.  No pot-luck reception or anything like that.  We are serving family style with chicken, potatoes and all that jazz with cupcakes for desert.  We will be hosting beer and wine.    
  
  This is probably a weird question to ask, but does my wedding sound like it would be a burden to anyone?  After that dinner, I can't help but always think of the inconvenience having a wedding will be for some of the guests.  I have tried to think of little ways that I can ease the burden of travel for my guests, such as free parking.
  
  If you have made it this far, thanks for reading!     
  

  It sounds like you picked a place that many of your guests already live. Someone always will have to travel, unless all of your guests live in the same place. As long as you don't expect people to come, don't worry about it. Your friends are being rude to you,and that's not fair.

  
  

  ETA: It's not a destination wedding if many of the guests live in the area. It's a destination wedding when you pick a place that no one lives.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  February 2015

  I think you're fine.  It's not like you chose a faraway destination just because it looked cool.  You have ties to the place you are getting married.  Your family lives there.

  
  

  People need to stop with the rude remarks.  Not every wedding is going to be around the corner from their home.  If they don't want to drive, that's fine, they just don't have to attend.  But they shouldn't be rude to you about it.

  
  

  Sounds like you've been very considerate with the parking, etc.  Did you get a hotel room block?  You'll probably have a lot of people wanting to stay that Saturday night and drive back the next morning.  That's probably the best you can do.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• kmbay84 member

  

  February 2015

  Thanks @lolo883.  Yeah, sorry about that, I was trying not to go into too much detail which would have cleared things up, but still have enough for you all to understand.  I have definitely realized that I can't please everyone during this process, which is a hard concept to learn.  Thanks for the reminder!
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  We lived in the islands when got married.   A good $600 per person, 7 hour travel time (door-to-door).    As not to be burden for most of our guests we picked a location in NJ to get married.  It was about 3 hours from most of my family and 4.5 for his.   Although we still had quite a few people who lived farther away. Even still we got a little snide remarks from some on his side.  

  
  

  They could not understand the concept that we were from different locations so traveling would occur anyway.  We also could have had the wedding where we  lived in a but that would have even been more of a burden.

  
  

  
  

  Point is, people will complain regardless.  If the wedding was where you live now your family would complain.    When people from 2 different locations, who live in a 3rd location get married guests will be inconvenienced.  It's just life.

  
  

   Own your choice.  Stop second guessing yourself.  If they can't make it just be gracious and understand.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• kmbay84 member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  Thanks ladies for your encouraging words and great points!  We did get a hotel block @JCBride2015, so hopefully that will help.  Thank you, I do have family ties!  I wouldn't be getting married there otherwise.  Yeah, I don't expect that everyone will make it as they have their own lives and demands as well.  I completely get it and I won't take any offense to it.  I can't expect everyone to come, that is just not realistic.  You are right @lyndausvi that I need to own our choice.  I need to work on that second guessing myself thing. 
  
  Thank you ladies!
  

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• blabla89 member

  

  February 2015

  It's not like you're asking your guests to buy an international flight and stay at a resort for a DW...Wisconsin is pretty darn affordable by comparison. But like you said, some people just won't be able/choose to make it, and that's okay. You can't please everyone, so don't stress yourself out by trying to. It sounds like you're properly hosting your guests, and that's all you need to do. Brush off the rude comments and enjoy your engagement!
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• wrigleyville member

  

  February 2015

  They're being rude and snotty. Try to ignore them. If they don't want to come, they don't have to. It's an invitation, not a summons.

  
  

  Your family is in Wisconsin. It's not like you scheduled a DW to Hawaii or something. And even then, as long as your VIPs can make it, you can get married wherever you want.

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• novella1186 member

  

  February 2015

  I'm sorry your friend is being so rude. You're not doing anything wrong by wanting to have your wedding where your family lives. So you shouldn't have to feel bad about it.
  

  

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