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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Legal ceremony first, then the wedding ceremony

edited February 2015 in Ceremony and Vow Ideas
My fiance' and I are going to be having our legal ceremony, at our local courthouse, about a month and half before our wedding in May.  We are doing it for a few different reasons, including the fact that we would like our grandparent's to be there, as they are very sick and they may not make the trip out to our wedding venue in a few months.  We are still looking to have a ceremony at our wedding, but instead of an officiant doing the ceremony, we were thinking of just having a very good friend of ours read something, as we exchange rings (for the first time) and are pronounced husband and wife.  However, on the legal side, this all would have been done already at the courthouse.

We were not planning on doing personal vows to begin with, so that isn't changing.  We are looking to keep the ceremony part of the wedding down to 15 minutes at the most.  Does anyone have any good links to some nice writings that our friend could say?  We were both raised catholic, yet neither one of us are religious, so we don't mind if religion is brought into the speech, just not the main focus.  I usually am pretty good at Google searching, but I am at a loss on what to even search to find something like this.

We have agreed that the date of our wedding in May is going to be our anniversary date, so we are not looking at it as a "fake" wedding, we are considering that our real wedding, just legally on paper, we'll have been married since mid-March.

Thanks in adv.

Re: Legal ceremony first, then the wedding ceremony

  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer

    Please don't do this.  That wedding at the courthouse IS you real wedding, and therefore your real wedding date. 

     By belittling what you call "Signing the papers"  you are saying that those people who choose to have courthouse weddings are not really married, and you are being incredibly rude to those people who are still fighting for the rights to sign that piece of paper that you consider "not real". 

    Have your legal wedding in May, and either stream your wedding, or share the video tape with those people who can not make it.  Or you can Move Up your wedding to March and pull off a wonderfully meaningful day.


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Once that paper you are demeaning so much as not making you "married" is signed, you are married. You are not entitled to a second ceremony.

    My parents got thrown a curve ball when my dad, who was then on active duty in the military, could not get leave to go home to get married. He and my mom had been planning a big (for them) wedding with family and friends that they weren't able to have. Instead, my mom, my grandparents, and aunts and uncle traveled to where my dad was stationed and they got married there quietly. That was the one and only wedding ceremony they had for family, legal, religious, and social purposes. It took place in 1969 and over 45 years later they are still happily married, because they understood that being married, even without their extended family and friends present and far away from home, was what was most important. Everything else was just details.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2015
    OMG, not this again!
    You get ONE wedding day.  Yours will be in the courthouse, if that is what you choose to do.  Anything else is NOT your wedding.  It doesn't matter what the two of you "consider" to be your wedding day.  The world isn't flat, either.

    Nobody here is going to help you do something so horribly tacky as having a fake wedding ceremony.

     You DO realize that the Catholic church will not recognize your marriage as valid if you do not get legally married in the Catholic church?  You will be barred from accepting the eucharist at mass.

    No, dear, I'm not being rude.  I am simply and bluntly telling you the truth that your relatives and friends will be thinking.
  • Noooooooooooooooo
  • You are not finding anything in your search because this is so inappropriate. Having a party is fine. Pretending to have a wedding is not. Your wedding is the day you get married. You will be made husband and wife at the courthouse and that will be your wedding. If the 'legal paperwork' was not significant you would not being doing it. Thanks so much for insulting every person on here who had their wedding at the courthouse and for insulting every person in a same-sex relationship who cannot access the full rights that come with federally-recognized marriage.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So you want your grandparents to witness your real ceremony but you want to pretend it isn't real and then you want a big pretty dress day where you lie to your guests about already being married. 

    The only way you can make this acceptable is by acknowledging your courthouse date (which is the legal and REAL wedding date) and then sending out invitations to a "celebration of marriage."  At the celebration party there shouldn't be any vows, first dances, or anything else that belongs at a wedding reception.  Because it isn't your wedding reception.  Your wedding reception happened on the day you got legally married, since, of course you are taking your family out to dinner after the courthouse, right?

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Guys she has already changed her mind.
    After speaking with a good friend of mine who recently got married, it seems our best bet is to just have our friend become ordained online, and officially marry us at the wedding in May.  It'd be best to keep it all in once place, at one time.  Plus it'll be one more reason to keep our grandparent's spirits high and keep them going through May :-).  When the elderly have something so exciting to look forward to, it does wonder's for their health.
    I'm glad to see this. Everyone involved will want to be at the "real wedding," which you get one of.
    Whoops.  Good for you, OP! You should change your username so we can tell you apart from all of the other knottienumbers here! 

  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2015
    I guess when I posting mine OP was responding sorry. Glad you got it worked out


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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yaaay, OP. :)
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    @slothiegal thanks for remembering me! :) 

    OP, I'm glad you've made the decision to do this the right way. I did plan a wedding in 13 days to accommodate a sick family member and it was 100% the right decision. 

    The biggest advice I can give you is to focus on the things that will make your guests happy and not worry about the small insignificant crap. No one gives a rat's ass about centerpieces or programs or decorations, but they do care about sitting down, not paying for anything and good food. 

    Best of luck to you and to your grandparents. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    I am not one to push religion on anyone but you said you are Catholic but not practicing. Do you want to raise your kids Catholic? If so, you might want to consider talking to your Priest about getting married in the church.

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