Learning to be cool, not catty

theycallmelinz · February 2015

I had a bridal shower yesterday and my biotch cousin was being a typical biotch. She loves the attention to be on her and she's pregnant, so while she wasn't talking about her pregnancy she was making rude comments to me in the middle of the shower. One of my bridesmaids who's never met her before even noticed it. I hate what she does to me and I let my temper run away a little bit and got pretty snarky with her, and now I feel bad. She's a bitch, but I don't want to look bad in front of my family, or anyone really. I just don't know what to say to shut her down!! gah!

Examples:

I was opening gifts and she announces loudly, "Yeah me and other cousin vetoed some of the things on your registry because we were like 'linz' doesn't need/won't use that! Hahahahaha"

And then, she and another cousin were picking on my very elderly grandmother. They weren't being complete assholes, but almost. I said something to take up for my granny and she says, "Brown-nosing won't help in this!"

I responded, "No, I was just raised with manners." And then I felt bad because her mom was sitting right there and I was insinuating that she didn't raise her kid with manners.

THEN my cousin responded, "But I drive 45 minutes every Sunday to see MY granny."

I love my granny. I can't come visit her every Sunday because gas is expensive (we live an hour away) and they eat dinner so late that it's almost 9 when me and FI get home, and we go to bed early because we have to be up early for our jobs. I've explained this before and even asked to do dinner at our place one night, but nope.

I'm not 100% convinced thundercunt-cousin even has a job.

I responded to this with, "That's great. You should keep doing that."

Ahdahsbdhabf she's such a bitch. And she says all these really fucking shady things but makes a joke about it so no one ever calls her out on it. It makes my blood boil, but I wish I had just kept my cool because I know how she is and I don't want to make myself look bad by getting snarky back with her.

How do you keep your cool with assholes?!

climbingsingle · February 2015

Totally cheesy, but when I took a philosophy class in college and learned about stoicism, it really resonated with me. You can only control you actions and reactions. You can't control the actions of others. Stoicism is all about self control , and basically it's neither good or worth it to get so worked up over the actions of others.

theycallmelinz · February 2015

climbingwife said:

Totally cheesy, but when I took a philosophy class in college and learned about stoicism, it really resonated with me. You can only control you actions and reactions. You can't control the actions of others. Stoicism is all about self control , and basically it's neither good or worth it to get so worked up over the actions of others.

The bolded is exactly how I felt afterwards. I guess I just haven't seen her in a while so I'd forgotten how bad she can be sometimes and let her get the best of me. I just need her to know her behavior isn't okay!!

novella1186 · February 2015

The only thing that shuts my sister down (if I'm not able to walk away) is if I say sickeningly nice things.

For example, evil sister: "I vetoed some of the stuff on your registry haha!"

Response: "That was really thoughtful."

She has no idea if I'm being sarcastic or not, but it's not a mean thing to say, and it takes the wind out of her sails because she WANTS to see me get upset.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

novella1186 said:

The only thing that shuts my sister down (if I'm not able to walk away) is if I say sickeningly nice things.

For example, evil sister: "I vetoed some of the stuff on your registry haha!"
Response: "That was really thoughtful."

She has no idea if I'm being sarcastic or not, but it's not a mean thing to say, and it takes the wind out of her sails because she WANTS to see me get upset.

Novella is right. People like this thrive on drama, so don't give it to them. When you say snarky mean things, then you become the bad guy. It's hard, but they want you to blow up at them.

theycallmelinz · February 2015

I know but it's soooo harrrrddd. I'm gonna work on it. I really need to develop the whole "kill them with kindness" mentality!

drunkenwitch · February 2015

What helps me deal with people like that is saying totally random but really upbeat things to throw them off their game.

Cousin: "Yeah me and other cousin vetoed some of the things on your registry because we were like 'linz' doesn't need/won't use that! Hahahahaha"

You: "I read an article the other day about these giant river otters that live in South America, seriously, 6 foot otters and man, they are weird looking, have you ever seen a picture of them?"

They seriously can't handle it because you aren't responding "correctly" and giving them more ammo. It's also really fun to watch them sputter and stare blankly at you. Arm yourself with fun, little known facts to throw at her.

PS, totally true about the River Otters: http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/giant-river-otter/

theycallmelinz · February 2015

drunkenwitch said:

What helps me deal with people like that is saying totally random but really upbeat things to throw them off their game.
Cousin: "Yeah me and other cousin vetoed some of the things on your registry because we were like 'linz' doesn't need/won't use that! Hahahahaha"
You: "I read an article the other day about these giant river otters that live in South America, seriously, 6 foot otters and man, they are weird looking, have you ever seen a picture of them?"
They seriously can't handle it because you aren't responding "correctly" and giving them more ammo. It's also really fun to watch them sputter and stare blankly at you. Arm yourself with fun, little known facts to throw at her.
PS, totally true about the River Otters: http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/giant-river-otter/

That's AWESOME!

Learning to be cool, not catty

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