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[Deleted User] · February 2015

STARMOON44 · February 2015

What you should do is make sure you are conveying this message : " I love you and your health and baby come first. Please do not give a second's worry to my wedding. All I want is for you to be there next to me on the day."

Then, your wedding won't be stressing her out and you won't need to be hideously rude by kicking her out.

aurianna · February 2015

The only duty of a maid of honor is to show up to the wedding on time, relatively sober, in an appropriate dress.
There is no reason your wedding should be stressing her out unless you're putting inappropriate expectations on her (like expecting her to throw a shower/b-party, DIY projects, helping you plan, without her having offered any of these first).
It's possible she's distant because she's bringing a person into the world and has a lot going on.
If you're actually concerned about her health, please do express it, but leave your wedding out of it.
If she decides she can't be in your wedding she'll let you know.

Congratulate her on her baby and just find out if there's anything you can do to make her comfortable (like give her flexibility on her dress, have a chair for her at the end of the aisle so she can sit, etc).

Good luck!

levioosa · February 2015

Knottie27175638 said:

I asked one of my more recent friends to be my Maid of Honor, and then she found she was pregnant. She has been great, but her pregnancy has been difficult. Stress has been very detrimental to her mental state and pregnancy. I worry that being my MOH is adding more unnecessary pressure and stress. On top of that she has become much more distant and it concerns me that she does not really seem to be there. I feel like I should ask her to step down simply for my concern for her health now, and once the baby arrives, but I don't want to upset her. What do I do?

Well, since showing up, on time, and in the dress is the only thing required, she should be okay to handle it, and if she can't it will be up to her to make the decision to step down. Don't tell her to step down "out of concern." Honestly, it doesn't really seem like you're actually "concerned for her health" anyways. She's not really there? Seriously? She's growing a freaking human being. Your wedding is not her top priority, and it shouldn't be. If you mean that she mentally isn't there, then be there for her as one of her closest friends and support her through this difficult pregnancy.

If you want to be a good friend, let her know that you love her and are there for her and that the only thing you want is to have her standing up next to you on the day of your wedding. Allow her to bring her infant if she has the baby before and in time to attend. If she is pregnant on the day of the wedding, provide a seat for her, or let her sit down in the first row. You can also give her flexibility on her dress (just give her a color and a length and let her find her own dress).

novella1186 · February 2015

Do not ask her to step down. That's an incredibly hurtful thing to do to someone who's supposed to be one of your dearest friends. Your wedding should not be causing her any stress because she has no responsibilities or obligations other than to show up on time for the ceremony.

If you've asked her to do things for you, like plan parties or help with DIY, cancel that right now. There is absolutely no earthly reason for a person to be stressed about someone else's wedding. Let her know that you do not expect her to do anything besides stand beside you on your wedding day because she's so important to you, and that your number one concern is for her health and well-being.

Then take your wedding out of the equation and see how she's doing. See if there is anything you can do for her (even if it's just coming over with a DVD and some snacks to hang out and relax together) and show her that her health trumps your wedding vision. (Not implying that you said your vision is more important than her health, just saying make sure you express that to her so she understands and feels better about the situation)

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

Why do you think your wedding is stressing her out? All she has to do is show up and be your guest of honor.

Are you asking her to help you with stuff/plan parties/etc.? If so and you are truly concerned about her health, you should be clear with her that you expect nothing except for her to show up and stand next to you.

NowIamMrsKlein · February 2015

My little sister is a BM and she is pregnant and due a couple weeks before the wedding. She has no stress about my wedding that would affect her pregnancy as NOTHING IS REQUIRED OF HER other than showing up in the dress the day of.

I told her that she can wear whatever she wants so that she doesn't have to worry about buying a dress that may not fit. And then asked her what she needed from me day of in order to ensure that she's going to be comfortable and happy with her newborn that day. I've arranged for her to get her hair done last, so that she doesn't have to come to the salon first thing in the morning and then the other girls can play with adorable new baby while she gets her hair done.

We're doing all wedding party pictures at the venue so that hubby and baby can be near by. FI and I will then go off ourselves to take any other pictures so that the wedding party isnt being dragged around unneccessarily.

As per etiquette all BM will be sitting with their spouses at dinner, so that eliminates any possible stress there.

Long story short. There is no reason that your wedding should be any kind of stress for her. At all. It is not stressful to stand up and wear a dress the day of, and thats all that should be expected.

Do not ask her to step down. This is friendship ending. Ask her how YOU can make her more comfortable. You asked her to be in your party because she is an important part of your life and you wanted the honour of her standing up with you. So taking away this honour simply because she's pregnant is pretty harsh.

Lizzieyounce · February 2015

Came for the ellipsis but wanted to add this, in case of lurkers...

I had a problem pregnancy and I can honestly say that I seemed distant to my friends and family too. You know why? BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A PROBLEM PREGNANCY AND WAS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT NOT MISCARRYING THAN I WAS ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. That's why.

Grow up, OP

(I'm sorry I yelled ladies, but she just pissed me off with her attitude.)

MadHops21 · February 2015

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

I came for the DD, and think Lizzie nailed it.

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