Booze and water...that is the question

mad_sam · February 2015

Hey Ladies!

For our wedding we are providing the alcohol, just beer and wine. First off is that enough? I have told a few people they can bring their own liquor if that want to since the wedding will take place on private property. I have looked around but I am not sure how much wine to get or how much a case of wine is, do I mix it up to make like sangria or leave them in the bottles. Also what about beer.....keg or different variety of bottles?

Also un booze related I found a cute pic on pinterest of wine bottles filled with just water and had h2o written on them, I think that's a cuter alternative to plain plastic water bottles but my fiancé said that is gross and no one wants to drink water out of an old wine bottle. If that is the case I am not sure how else to have a lot of water (outside wedding in June)

any feedback is appricaeated! thanks ladies

AddieCake · February 2015

I would not want to drink water out of an old wine bottle. Also, you've told "a few people" they can bring their own booze? Ugh. You shouldn't have anyone bringing their own refreshments, but if you do, you better tell everyone. I would be upset if I got there, found out I could have brought some with me if I wanted, but wasn't one of "the few people" who were told. And I wouldn't even care about bringing anything. I would be pissed on principle.

mad_sam · February 2015

true. I was going to add it to my wedding website info but I didn't know if it would be lame to suggest. I don't care if anyone does or not but I know some people don't like beer or wine so I just want everyone to be happy, but the amount of different liquor I would need just isn't in the budget.

climbingsingle · February 2015

AddieCake said:

I would not want to drink water out of an old wine bottle. Also, you've told "a few people" they can bring their own booze? Ugh. You shouldn't have anyone bringing their own refreshments, but if you do, you better tell everyone. I would be upset if I got there, found out I could have brought some with me if I wanted, but wasn't one of "the few people" who were told. And I wouldn't even care about bringing anything. I would be pissed on principle.

This exactly.

atlastmrsg · February 2015

Go to Walmart or Michael's and get cute carafes. They had little vintage-y looking stoppers. They were clear, so it was obvious it was water. For infused mixers behind the bar, we had them labeled. (Mint infused simple syrup, etc.) I don't remember them being expensive.

AND, check with your insurance policy about whether you can be having people bring alcohol. May need to be served by a licensed bartender.

And if you do make sangria, leave some wine as is. I can have a glass of sangria and enjoy it but not more than that because it's usually sweet (and often made with cheap wine, which means headache later...) I'm much more likely to have a few glasses of wine over the course of the night and would prefer that.

ElcaB · February 2015

Serving only wine & beer is fine. I wouldn't suggest having people BYO anything, including liquor.

Instead of filling old wine bottles with water (yuck), check out some water carafes. World Market usually has them for cheap.

wandajune6 · February 2015

Beer and wine are a fine offering. BYO hard stuff makes me nervous. It's an etiquette faux pas but I'd worry about the legality of it with your vendor as well.

As for the water, just think about quantities. Carafes or bottles are pretty but they'll need to refilled frequently or you will need a lot of them. I suspect that people will go through more water than you expect.

STARMOON44 · February 2015

For water I'd go with water bottles. The normal plastic kind you buy in stores, not some silly Pinterest a attempt to make a basic necessity cute. Since it sounds like you're having a really informal reception I don't see a need for a fancy system. And it doesn't sound like you have much of a plan for bartenders so keep it as simple as possible.

hoppytogether · February 2015

It's either BYOB or it isn't; I agree that it's either openly stated for everyone or not at all.

Beer and wine is just fine on its own though; it removes any liability you may have for insurance and other legal purposes that you cannot yet foresee.

I'm getting mixed signals here--if you want a BYOB/keg-level gathering, then I imagine it is very casual and more like a BBQ or backyard party type deal. If that's what you want that is fine, but don't waste your energy or money on trying to fancy it up with water carafes or anything. Just a selection of beer and wine is fine, with water in the bottles you bought them in.

If you want a more traditional, polished reception and less of the BBQ/party feel, then you can buy water carafes at various places including Ikea. However, it is costly and kind of pointless unless people have designated tables (usually it's one or two of these per table, depending on the # of chairs).

Quite frankly, it may be best to eliminate the BYOB option entirely and to keep all drinks as pre-bottled servings. Store them inside where people can get them when they want them and they can stay cold rather than fretting over storing them out in the sun. If you've concerned about having something easily accessible outside, a cooler in the shade somewhere is a budget-friendly option.

I'm not sure about your numbers, food options, or what your ceremony will be like...just shoot for consistency.

The last thing: people are there for you and your partner's happy day. If they are there to get wasted and/or complain about the lack of their preferred alcohol, then they're not worth another second of your consideration during the planning process.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

BYOB is not appropriate for a wedding - no matter how casual. The entire purpose of a reception (the party portion) is to thank people for attending the ceremony by hosting them. Hosting them means they don't pay for stuff and it's in no way a potluck.

If you can't afford booze, that's ok. There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. Just host what you CAN afford. And don't ask people to subsidize the party you're supposed to be throwing for them....so tacky.

slothiegal · February 2015

mad_sam said:

Hey Ladies!

For our wedding we are providing the alcohol, just beer and wine. First off is that enough? I have told a few people they can bring their own liquor if that want to since the wedding will take place on private property. I have looked around but I am not sure how much wine to get or how much a case of wine is, do I mix it up to make like sangria or leave them in the bottles. Also what about beer.....keg or different variety of bottles?
Also un booze related I found a cute pic on pinterest of wine bottles filled with just water and had h2o written on them, I think that's a cuter alternative to plain plastic water bottles but my fiancé said that is gross and no one wants to drink water out of an old wine bottle. If that is the case I am not sure how else to have a lot of water (outside wedding in June)
any feedback is appricaeated! thanks ladies

levioosa · February 2015

Offering just beer and wine is perfectly acceptable. I would not tell people to BYOB. Not only is it against etiquette, but it presents a lot of legal issues if something were to happen on the venue's property with outside liquor.

Are you also offering tea/lemonade/soda in addition to the water?

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

I would feel really off-put if a friend told me I could/should bring my own booze to a wedding. It tells me that you think I'm either a bad guest who wouldn't be gracious for what you're offering me, or a boozehound who can't make it through a 4 hour reception without a vodka tonic. Please stop telling people this. Beer and wine is plenty.

I agree you'll go through more water than you think... I drank two of those little carafes at dinner last night by myself, and I was inside in the winter. Outside in the summer would be even more. If you want a nicer aesthetic, I'd get much larger pitchers. If it's more casual, lots of regular plastic bottles. Maybe even both.

Viczaesar · February 2015

mad_sam said:

Hey Ladies!

For our wedding we are providing the alcohol, just beer and wine. First off is that enough? I have told a few people they can bring their own liquor if that want to since the wedding will take place on private property. I have looked around but I am not sure how much wine to get or how much a case of wine is, do I mix it up to make like sangria or leave them in the bottles. Also what about beer.....keg or different variety of bottles?
Also un booze related I found a cute pic on pinterest of wine bottles filled with just water and had h2o written on them, I think that's a cuter alternative to plain plastic water bottles but my fiancé said that is gross and no one wants to drink water out of an old wine bottle. If that is the case I am not sure how else to have a lot of water (outside wedding in June)
any feedback is appricaeated! thanks ladies

1. Don't tell people they can bring their own booze.
2. There are tons of online calculators that will give you an estimate of how much beer and wine to buy for your guests.
3. Individual water bottles in coolers or in large tubs with ice to keep them cold. Are you serving any other non-alcoholic beverages?

Viczaesar · February 2015

hoppytogether said:

It's either BYOB or it isn't; I agree that it's either openly stated for everyone or not at all.
Beer and wine is just fine on its own though; it removes any liability you may have for insurance and other legal purposes that you cannot yet foresee.

I'm getting mixed signals here--if you want a BYOB/keg-level gathering, then I imagine it is very casual and more like a BBQ or backyard party type deal. If that's what you want that is fine, but don't waste your energy or money on trying to fancy it up with water carafes or anything. Just a selection of beer and wine is fine, with water in the bottles you bought them in.

If you want a more traditional, polished reception and less of the BBQ/party feel, then you can buy water carafes at various places including Ikea. However, it is costly and kind of pointless unless people have designated tables (usually it's one or two of these per table, depending on the # of chairs).

Quite frankly, it may be best to eliminate the BYOB option entirely and to keep all drinks as pre-bottled servings. Store them inside where people can get them when they want them and they can stay cold rather than fretting over storing them out in the sun. If you've concerned about having something easily accessible outside, a cooler in the shade somewhere is a budget-friendly option.

I'm not sure about your numbers, food options, or what your ceremony will be like...just shoot for consistency.

The last thing: people are there for you and your partner's happy day. If they are there to get wasted and/or complain about the lack of their preferred alcohol, then they're not worth another second of your consideration during the planning process.

BYO anything is not appropriate for a wedding, regardless of how formal or informal it is.

mad_sam · February 2015

Thanks ladies! I will not add the bring your own liquor to the website. Sorry I just wanted to please everyone but when ya'll lay it out it like that it doesn't sound good. I will have tea and lemonade as well. I guess we could just do beverage servers of water as well. I am not against water bottles I just hate to use up all that plastic. I do really like those carafe bottles though. They are a better option than wine bottles, sorry sometimes you just pinterest too much.

It is a backyard bbq kinda wedding but it will still be nice.

I appreciate the feedback

hoppytogether · February 2015

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.

(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

thespeshulestsnowflake · February 2015

hoppytogether said:

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.
(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

Potlucks are fine, in the right situation. A wedding is not a right situation. A wedding reception is a thank you from the bride/groom (or bride/bride, groom/groom) for coming to the ceremony.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

hoppytogether said:

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.
(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

Those traditions are ONLY where the party is not in your own honor. You cannot ask people to come honor you AND feed you/themselves/everyone else. You've asked them to honor your marriage; in return you freaking feed them. Hard stop, end of story, it's ALWAYS RUDE even if you refuse to acknowledge it.

Knottie97618472 · February 2015

hoppytogether said:

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.
(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

I just wanted to agree with this. I've been to potluck receptions. For a young couple starting out with limited means to pay for a wedding from a family that loves to cook, it worked out great. And people also brought the recipe of the dish they brought on a little index card that went into a special recipe box for the new couple to take home. They saved a ton, which helped them buy their first home sooner and they had a ton of new recipes and a nice momento. Ignore the judgy people.

On the flip side...it can go wrong. Like trying to get Californians to eat gumbo with squirrel in it at a Lousiana potluck wedding....that apparently didn't go over well.

To your question - Beer and wine is fine. There's great budget options out there. Even just beer and wine can get crazy expensive. Large buckets with ice for whites, which people are more likely to drink on a hot day. Keg is cheaper and easier. Bottles are more expensive and lots more garbage/recyling to worry about. Heavy recycling...plastic water bottles are light recycling. Depending on the logistics of how all that's being handled, that may be a factor.

Good luck, dear!

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Knottie97618472 said:

hoppytogether said:

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.
(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

I just wanted to agree with this. I've been to potluck receptions. For a young couple starting out with limited means to pay for a wedding from a family that loves to cook, it worked out great. And people also brought the recipe of the dish they brought on a little index card that went into a special recipe box for the new couple to take home. They saved a ton, which helped them buy their first home sooner and they had a ton of new recipes and a nice momento. Ignore the judgy people.

On the flip side...it can go wrong. Like trying to get Californians to eat gumbo with squirrel in it at a Lousiana potluck wedding....that apparently didn't go over well.

To your question - Beer and wine is fine. There's great budget options out there. Even just beer and wine can get crazy expensive. Large buckets with ice for whites, which people are more likely to drink on a hot day. Keg is cheaper and easier. Bottles are more expensive and lots more garbage/recyling to worry about. Heavy recycling...plastic water bottles are light recycling. Depending on the logistics of how all that's being handled, that may be a factor.

Good luck, dear!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

OMG does anybody read? No, it's still rude. OF COURSE they saved a lot of money. Nobody's disputing that. We're saying it's inappropriate to ever ask/expect your GUESTS to subsidize the hospitality YOU chose. The hosts choose the guest list and time of day for the wedding. DON'T CHOOSE more people than you can afford to fully host on your own, or for a more substantial meal. Have 50 people for cake at 2pm instead of 200 for dinner if you're on a budget. It's REALLY simple.

Viczaesar · February 2015

hoppytogether said:

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it. Not okay for a wedding, period.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.
(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

slothiegal · February 2015

Knottie97618472 said:

hoppytogether said:

Just a gentle reminder that there are definitely traditions/cultures where a potluck-style (BYO-anything) reception is a thing and it doesn't have an etiquette stigma attached to it.

I've grown up with potluck-style gatherings and folks who love to cook for others for events. I realize it isn't the ideal or the norm, particularly among the brides on this website (these types of receptions are discussed elsewhere, for this very reason), but that doesn't mean that it's this way or the highway.
(Generally, you bring a food item/dish/drinks in place of a wedding gift.)

And Sam: good luck! Sounds like a fun time.

I just wanted to agree with this. I've been to potluck receptions. For a young couple starting out with limited means to pay for a wedding from a family that loves to cook, it worked out great. And people also brought the recipe of the dish they brought on a little index card that went into a special recipe box for the new couple to take home. They saved a ton, which helped them buy their first home sooner and they had a ton of new recipes and a nice momento. Ignore the judgy people.
On the flip side...it can go wrong. Like trying to get Californians to eat gumbo with squirrel in it at a Lousiana potluck wedding....that apparently didn't go over well.
To your question - Beer and wine is fine. There's great budget options out there. Even just beer and wine can get crazy expensive. Large buckets with ice for whites, which people are more likely to drink on a hot day. Keg is cheaper and easier. Bottles are more expensive and lots more garbage/recyling to worry about. Heavy recycling...plastic water bottles are light recycling. Depending on the logistics of how all that's being handled, that may be a factor.
Good luck, dear!

You know how else you can save money? Cut back on the guest list. Find a different venue. Skip the favors. Downsize the dress. Don't make your guests suffer for your inability to plan an appropriate reception to thank them for celebrating with you.

If you are having a reception, it is FOR THE GUESTS. Which means they should not have to do jack shit. If this is too much to comprehend, have a perfectly beautiful, extravagant elopment.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

There are very nice drink dispenser available now made from plastic or glass that you can just fill up with lots of ice & water and put it on a table & people can help themselves as they want. This way you don't have to worry about refilling the other bottles as they get empty and you also can help reduce waste because then you only have one item to keep track of refilling.

714hbbride · February 2015

For water, some people use coolers/dispensers and those always look pretty to me. Load them up with ice and keep filling them as the day goes on. It can refill the cooler as it melts and keep the water cold :-)

Some people add fruit to flavor the water. You can always do lemonade and tea in these too.

Links to Pics:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c9/5a/9f/c95a9f2ccd16ec5ce88d5a2db7aba797.jpg

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/63/06/d1/6306d11318f4b307732b24847dbb1799.jpg

http://recipesthatremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Julies-Wedding-68.jpg

ohannabelle · February 2015

Why potlucks are wrong at receptions:

I would like to thank you for taking a day from your schedule and coming to wish me well and probably bringing me a gift and letting me know you care.

I do not want to spend my own money on a thank you gift. Please purchase your own, and make sure that you buy something for my other guests.

Booze and water...that is the question

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