Moms and Maids

Should MOH and MOB be consulted about bridal shower dates?

My sister is getting married and I am the MOH, however, one of my sister's bridesmaids and her mother offered early on to give my sister her bridal shower.  She and my sister selected a date without consulting me or the MOB ( to inquire about any unavailable dates).  When I was told the date for the shower it  turns out it's the same weekend I had an out of town trip planned.  I asked the hostess of the shower if there were any other possible dates considered, as I absolutely need to be at the shower.  She gave me a very curt answer saying that it was the final date (this was 10 1/2 weeks prior to the selected date of the shower).  I decided that I would have to cancel my trip and had no intention of saying anything to my sister.  The hostess then proceeded to tell my sister (the bride) that I had asked the question, and that she thought it was rude and offensive.  This upset my sister who was very upset with me for asking and told me I owed her an apology.  I think it was inconsiderate for them not to ask me about my schedule since I absolutely need to attend.  Am I wrong??

Re: Should MOH and MOB be consulted about bridal shower dates?

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Depending on the way you asked the BM, it is not rude to ask if the date is set in stone.  You may have asked it in a very off putting way, which is why the BM gave a very curt answer.  But she never should have said anything to your sister.

    I don't think you need to apologize.  You also did not need to cancel your trip.  
    [Deleted User]
  • Well it was in a text and I worded just as I did above.
  • As they are the hosts, they get to pick the date. While perhaps they maybe should have checked with you as you are one of your sister's VIPs, they weren't required to and I can see how it might be a little off-putting for them to have someone who is 1) not the guest of honor 2) not one of the hosts asking if the date can be changed just for them.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • So it's okay for me not to attend?  My sister expects me to be there.
  • Shower invites are not mandates.  It's great if you can go, but it's not absolutely required.  If you would rather keep your plans for the out-of-town trip, just let her know that those were made before you knew about the shower, so you can't make it and hope they have a great time. 
    [Deleted User]
  • If she expected you to be there then she would have done the polite thing and made sure that the date was good with you before saying okay to her BM.

    If you are busy and can't make it then you can't make it.  Tell her you are sorry but you have other plans that you cannot change.  If she gets pissy well that is her issue.
    This. And make sure to tell her that was why you were asking if the date was set in stone.

    Hold your ground in this one.
    PrettyGirlLostlevioosaMairePoppy[Deleted User]
  • Sorry, but your sister can't expect you to be there and then not make sure the date the hosts were planning fit with your schedule. That's closing in on 'Zilla behavior.

    Just calmly explain that you have plans already and are unable to cancel or rearrange and this is exactly WHY you asked if the date of the shower was set in stone. But as the hosts are not willing to change the date you are, unfortunately, not going to be able to attend. Stand your ground on this one.

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    PrettyGirlLostlevioosa[Deleted User]
  • Thank you everyone for your responses.
  • Sydb14 said:
    So it's okay for me not to attend?  My sister expects me to be there.
    Yes of course you don't have to attend. You're not hosting and you weren't consulted on the date. Obviously your attendance was not a priority, or they would have asked you about no-go dates. 

    Your sister is ridiculous for expecting you to go, yet not checking with your schedule. What a ludicrous assumption. If you can go, go. If you can't, don't. Personally, I wouldn't go out of my way to attend when my sister just willy nilly planned something without checking with me or the MOB. Maybe it will teach her to check with VIPs before planning if she "expects" them to come.
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    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Well my sister says that "the MOH needs to make herself available unless she is going into labor".  I don't know where she read that.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sydb14 said:
    Well my sister says that "the MOH needs to make herself available unless she is going into labor".  I don't know where she read that.
    With this statement your sister has entered the Bridezilla territory.

    charcoalandblushPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Sydb14 said:
    Well my sister says that "the MOH needs to make herself available unless she is going into labor".  I don't know where she read that.
    She probably read it on The Knot. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your sister is now officially a Bridezilla.  You are absolutely not required to attend, especially when the dates were not cleared with you (a VIP) first, or when you asked to clarify and possibly switch weekends. 


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    redoryxPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You don't have to go to the shower. You shouldn't apologize, either. If it was important to your sister for you to be there, she should have cleared the date with you and the MOB.
                       
    southernbelle0915[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sydb14 said:

    Well my sister says that "the MOH needs to make herself available unless she is going into labor".  I don't know where she read that.

    And with that, she is now officially a bridezilla. She does not have the right to expect the rest of the world to revolve around her. It's okay to skip the shower if you don't want to go.
    [Deleted User]
  • You're in the right here. Your sister is being a brat, and her friend is enabling.
    [Deleted User]
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Sydb14 said:

    Well my sister says that "the MOH needs to make herself available unless she is going into labor".  I don't know where she read that.

    Oh jeez. I was going to say that you shouldn't worry about missing her shower. As her sister, you will probably spend countless hours giving your sister your opinion on flowers and centerpieces, and listen to her vent about a vendor that won't return her calls. Then there are the bachelorette party, the RD, and of course the ceremony since your sister is honoring you by making you her MOH. In other words, even if you miss her shower, you're not missing much (though I am not a fan of bridal showers at all so I'm a bit biased).

    But now I realize she's just a bridezilla. During one of your marriage planning sessions, suggest The Knot community forums. We got you.
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    [Deleted User]
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