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Sticky situation, I don't want to be rude!

This is going to be a post and run (for a bit) because work is going to be crazy today.
TL;DR: My aunt asked if her kids could come to a luncheon they aren't invited to.

My mom's boss is hosting a fancy pants bridal luncheon for me. She's very wealthy and likes to entertain and have formal sit down dinners/etc.. She requested that I invite 11 people so that her table of 12 with 12 place settings will be full.

I chose my mom, 2 grandmothers, 2 bridesmaids (the only local ones, I didn't just pick them over the others), my FMIL, FI's 2 Aunts, FI's grown cousin, one of my cousins, and then myself makes 11.

I called FI's aunts last night to invite them because for some reason, the lady isn't doing formal invitations? One of my aunt's said, "Great! I'd love to come. I assume the girls can come too?"
She has 2 girls ages 11 and 13 I think. I was really caught off guard because I wasn't expecting the question, AND I'm super awkward anyway, so I kinda stumbled through an explanation of how I could only have so many people and I was at that number already, but that I would let her know if some people couldn't come.

After talking with my mom, she said that the lady is only expecting adults and will be serving wine, so it really wouldn't be appropriate for the girls to be there.

How do I eloquently explain this to FI's aunt? I feel like I was so friggin awkward the last time she's going to think I was just lying and don't want them there, which is not true. I love those kids. They are SOOOO much better and well-behaved and FI's niece and nephew. So yeah, how would you wise lovely ladies handle this?
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Re: Sticky situation, I don't want to be rude!

  • For heavens sake! Call her back, today, and say "sorry, there isn't room for the girls. Can we make a plan for me to see them some other time soon." And buck up! It shouldn't be that hard to say "no, sorry they can't."
  • Call back, say you checked with the host, and it's an adults only event. This is the truth, and it puts the pressure (for lack of a better word) back on the host, not on you. So no worries! 
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  • just tell her that the hostess said no kids and leave it at that. i understand having issues saying no but if hostess only said adults then you kind of have to go by what she says.
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  • This shouldn't have been a sticky situation at all. "I assume the girls can come?" "No sorry, they can't."

    Call her back and say you're sorry for the miscommunication but it's a strict 12 person, adults only party.

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  • Yeah I know the wine part is irrelevant. I was just loosely repeating the conversation I had with my mom. It's only sticky because I hate saying no or feeling like I'm putting someone out, but you guys helped with my figuring out what to say. Thanks!
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  • I just don't understand why people think their kids are invited to everything. I have a son and I understand that just because I am invited, doesn't mean he is. Sometimes there are events that are adults only and that is perfectly fine. 
  • I find it very odd that a woman hosting a fancy luncheon isn't issuing the invitations (either written or verbal) herself. It's her friggin job. 

    But that being said, just nut up and tell your aunt that the invitation was for her alone. Once she gets to an intimate luncheon with 11 other adult women she'll understand why. 
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  • It's not rude to say no though, especially when it's regarding a party you're not even hosting. It's more rude to be unclear or invite more people than you were allowed. You need to put this fear of saying "no" out of your head or a lot more things will quickly get out of hand.
    This. I'm one of those people that feel like I can't say no when I'm put on the spot, and it ends up causing way more drama than it needs to. If you just make things clear from the beginning, then it's done and over and fine. 

    It's totally ok to say no. Doesn't make you a mean person. Just makes you able to say what you actually want. 

    Let's practice: 
    "Can I paint your hair with nail polish?"
    "No."

    "Can I stick a caterpillar up your nose?"
    "No." 

    "Can I have all your shoes?"
    "No." 

    See? Easy. :) 
    thanks for the laugh there, i needed it. today has been crazy and i needed a little cheering up 
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  • "No."

    There. un-stickified.
  • edited February 2015
    Thanks for the pep talk. I'm glad you guys provide the kick in the ass I need sometimes.

    1)I said the same thing about the lady not sending out invitations. That makes no sense at all.

    2) I did call my aunt and used a combined script of lolo and novella's words because I'm unoriginal and not very naturally eloquent. She said of course it was no big deal at all, and that she would be attending. 

    I definitely made a mountain out of a molehill. 
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