I have only been lurking on this board and The Bump recently
but hope you will still share some of your thoughts on the following:
My cousin has become a complete bridezilla when it comes to
her wedding. First, she told all of her
bridesmaids (myself included) not to be pregnant at her wedding that was
planned in about 16 months. Then one of
her bridesmaid told her that she plans
to start trying to conceive and might be pregnant at the wedding. The bride
flips out, cancels her local wedding plans, is still angry with her bridesmaid
(even now, months later), and eventually plans a destination wedding because “it’s
less work”. To help her during the whole
wedding planning process, I have been her confidante and intervened when the
other bridesmaids were causing her stress.
Consistent with the bride not wanting to do much work for her
wedding: she sends out a Facebook event invite for her destination wedding to get
people’s addresses, then gets the
addresses to her travel agent a month before the deadline to book travel
through the wedding block so the travel agent can send the free save the dates
(which my cousin is calling the invitations) 6 months before the event date –
which also clearly state that a formal invitation will follow, and then was
freaking out because (1) nobody was booking travel by the deadline – there wasn’t
an RSVP date on the save the date (of course) and (2) the turn out isn’t what
she is expected (travel plans are over $5,000 per couple for 7 days plus air
fare for the all-inclusive resort).
Around this time, I find out that I am unexpectedly but happily pregnant
to which she reacts to coldly but I’m okay with it since I was never going to
alter planning my family for her wedding.
Fast forward to her bridal shower, her MOH and MOH’s
sidekick (the bridesmaid that the bride is mad at) have never planned a shower
before and the bride is really worried.
I offer to whatever assistance I can provide as someone out of town,
which no one accepts except when they ask me at the last minute to take over
the shower when nothing has been decided or planned. I decline completely planning an out of town
bridal shower that I will be 8.5 months pregnant at and tell the bride that I just
can’t attend the shower either (Trying to figure out how to travel 6 hours away
and not take any vacation time from work, plus dealing with the deadbeat
bridesmaids). She freaks out and has
stopped talking to me.
I had a lot of issues with the little bit of shower planning
had taken place anyways. It really
bothered me that she expected her bridesmaids to put more effort into planning
her shower than the effort she was putting into her own wedding. And, she invited 30 people to her destination
wedding but included long list of people not invited to the wedding on her
guest list for the shower, including people she didn’t even like. The bride was also insisting on including a tacky
poem with the invitations that told guests that she wanted cash gifts. I did advise against the poem before we had a
falling out. I saw from the back of the
shower invitation that she had created a honeyfund account with items for her
destination wedding/honeymoon at very inflated numbers. I looked at her honeyfund registry and I can’t
even make an online gift but instead still have to write a check out and send
it or give it to her in person. I’m not
really sure what the point of honeyfund other than being a weird front for her
to tally what she can expect in cash gifts.
I feel like I have to give her a gift since she was a
bridesmaid in my wedding. I doubt I will
ever hear from her again because she has long history of holding grudges. Would it be poor taste to skip giving her a
bridal shower gift since the event has been such a sore subject and just roll that
shower gift/cash into what I feel like I should give her as a wedding gift?
Sorry about the long post!
This has been bothering me for quite some time.