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Moms and Maids

Funny story, Cross-cultural gaps

My future mother-in-law asked me 3 times if it would be OK to wear black to my wedding. I just repeated, "Wear what you're most comfortable in." "Wear what you like." "I'm sure whatever you select will be great." ["comfortable," even for my formal wedding, was OK in the context, which included discussion of whether guests should buy new clothes. I don't think it implied "casual."]

So imagine my surprise when my fiance told me his mother had bought a white dress for the wedding. I laughed at the irony that the "no black to weddings" rule, now mostly ignored, had somehow gotten through, but not the still-in-effect "only the bride wears white" rule.

Further context: My future in-laws are immigrants who never fully assimilated into American culture. They're from the USSR, which of course suppressed a lot of wedding customs the family might otherwise have. So they're (mostly very kindly) feeling out this whole wedding thing. It's fascinating what things they pick up, like no-black, and some idea I should have a diamond in my wedding band because there isn't a diamond in my engagement ring, and what they don't.

My fiance told his mother to buy a different dress before he told my about the white one. His problem with the white dress was something other than it being white, so, we'll see. I just never in a million years would have guessed I had one of THOSE mothers-in-law who wears white. I've never seen her in white otherwise, not even in pictures, not even for her own wedding.

Re: Funny story, Cross-cultural gaps

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_funny-story-cross-cultural-gaps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c14fc42b-4d68-488c-a5a0-4e93510cec96Post:446b7c4d-d8d9-4a6e-8af1-2850445947d3">Re: Funny story, Cross-cultural gaps</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to have to agree with GoodLuckBear on this one - normally, yes, "wear what you like and feel comfortable in" is a sufficient guideline for people who are familiar with the local wedding culture/customs/etc., because implicit in those directions is the assumption that the person you're speaking with has some basic clue as to what's appropriate to wear to a wedding.  Here, that's not the case.  If my FI was from another culture and we were getting married in his home country, you can bet I'd want someone to give me detailed instructions on what is and isn't considered appropriate.  It's the same situation here - FMIL is not familiar with US wedding culture, and she's explicitly asked, repeatedly, for guidance.  It's perfectly appropriate for OP to provide her that guidance in these very specific circumstances .
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this one. Normally, you don't tell an adult what to wear, because it's assumed they know what's appropriate. Here, she obviously doesn't. She just needs some sugessions, and it's not forcing anything on anyone, but instead educating on US customs. You could say simply a nice summer dress with a jacket and silver shoes, or send her some pictures of things you find appropriate so she has something to work off of.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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