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SOs of the wedding party question?

bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Moms and Maids
So many members of our wedding party have significant others and a majority of the wedding party are OOT guests. I'm wondering what I should do in terms of the SOs while we are getting ready/taking photos. I remember what it's like to be an OOT SO of the wedding party (ex prior to my FI) and not knowing anyone. It was incredibly uncomfortable for me, and I spent hours in my hotel room waiting for the ceremony to start. After having that experience the last thing I want is for their SOs to be stranded at the hotel but I would also hate to have them stand awkwardly off to the side while we snap photos. Did anyone run into this situation? What did you do?
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Re: SOs of the wedding party question?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Well, they could join the other guests at a cocktail hour which should be running concurrently with the photo shoot.
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  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    I never knew that the cocktail hour was for taking photos. I just figured that it would be easier to get the portraits done prior to the ceremony. You learn something new every day on the knot
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  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    bride2b71614 said:
    I never knew that the cocktail hour was for taking photos. I just figured that it would be easier to get the portraits done prior due to the ceremony. You learn something new every day on the knot
    Traditionally the cocktail hour is to entertain/host your guests while the couple and the bridal party/family take pictures, but sometimes pictures are done before the ceremony too. The bride and groom taking pictures before the ceremony together is known as a First Look, but even if you wait until the ceremony to see each other family and bridal party shots can be done before the ceremony. So I think your question is a valid one still about what do the SO's do during that time. 

    I am following this because I would also like some ideas for them. I was thinking of possibly inviting them to come for pictures too so that each bridal party member gets a nice picture of themselves with their SO (if they so choose and the photographer is okay with it), but that's still a lot of down time for them when the traditional bridal party shots are being taken. 

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  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @AuroraRose41‌ I really like the idea of the portraits of the wedding party with their SOs! The downtime is my largest issue, and as someone who went through this, I would hate to put the SOs in a situation where they feel stranded or awkward. I haven't seen this question on the boards yet.

    Maybe I should reframe the question; for anyone doing a first look session photoshoot/portraits prior to the ceremony, what did you do about the wedding party's SOs (especially if your hotel and venue were not in the same location)?
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  • allispainallispain member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    We did not do a first look for ours, but I did have my BMs with me most of the morning as we got our hair and make-up done (which I paid for) and just hung out a bit before everything started later in the afternoon.

    While that was going on, DH and his groomspeople had decided to get together at a local microbrewery to do the brewery tour and also hang out a bit. We informed the SOs of my bridesmaids of this plan, to let them know that they would be welcome to join. Most of them did so, and had a blast.

    The one time DH was a groomsman and I wasn't in the BP as well, he asked if I could still tag along to whatever was going on beforehand, and our friends graciously said yes. So I went and drank whiskey with the groom while the guys were getting ready :-)
    image
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  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
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    allispain said:
    We did not do a first look for ours, but I did have my BMs with me most of the morning as we got our hair and make-up done (which I paid for) and just hung out a bit before everything started later in the afternoon.

    While that was going on, DH and his groomspeople had decided to get together at a local microbrewery to do the brewery tour and also hang out a bit. We informed the SOs of my bridesmaids of this plan, to let them know that they would be welcome to join. Most of them did so, and had a blast.

    The one time DH was a groomsman and I wasn't in the BP as well, he asked if I could still tag along to whatever was going on beforehand, and our friends graciously said yes. So I went and drank whiskey with the groom while the guys were getting ready :-)
    I love both of these ideas. There are no good breweries near our venue, but I'm sure my FI might want to do something while we get ready and I can ask him if having the SO's tag along would be okay. Fortunately we have plenty of time to think about this.

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  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    While most of the SOs of our wedding party know each other, there may be one or two who do not know anyone, because they are OOT guests. We are having a smaller rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding just for the wedding party, their SOs, and immediate family. We figured this would be a good opportunity for the SOs to meet some people.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
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  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
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    adk19 said:
    Honestly, if my FH is in a wedding, I don't want to hang around for hours while he and the rest of the wedding party get dressed and take pictures.   I would rather sit in the hotel room watching bad 80s movies until it's time to get ready.  Or, if I'm feeling more social, I'll take my book and head down to the lobby bar or Starbucks to read and people-watch.  But I don't need to be a ride-along while you do your photo tour.  Though, I suppose it might be up to the SO, so if you want to offer it...  "We're doing wedding party photos at 3 different locations from noon-2pm.  You're welcome to join us or you can meet us all at Ceremony location at 3pm."
    This was my plan. They will be welcome to come if they so choose, but FI and I wouldn't be offended if they want to do something on their own and show up with the other guests for the ceremony. 

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  • WhatawagSBNyWhatawagSBNy member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    bride2b71614 said:

    I never knew that the cocktail hour was for taking photos. I just figured that it would be easier to get the portraits done prior to the ceremony. You learn something new every day on the knot

    *************
    Many people do do photo portraits in advance, and only a few posed pictures with family and such after. Nice because you and the photographer are not rushed, and you and FI get some special love moments , maybe some fun pics.

    Lots of people still do not want anyone to see the bridal gown or bride before the ceremony. They get pics after, but must fit into the cocktail you timeline
    Couples who do this, and WP, cannot mingle with guests, and WP SO are left waiting for pics to end..
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    I never minded getting ready and then meeting my SO at the wedding ceremony (and visa versa).  It is a given that the wedding party members will usually have to meet earlier.  Leave up to the couple to decide how to work it out.  It is nice of you to worry, but not your responsibility.  They can hang out earlier with SO at pictures (the taking a picture with the SO is a nice gesture) or they can simply make arrangements to meet up at the ceremony.

    Anytime I was in a wedding and my SO was not (or visa versa), we made arrangements to get to where we needed to be.  It was not a big deal.  It can vary from person to person.  I personally have no qualms hanging by myself for an hour or two. 
    image

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  • aliwis000aliwis000 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    erinlin25 said:
    I never minded getting ready and then meeting my SO at the wedding ceremony (and visa versa).  It is a given that the wedding party members will usually have to meet earlier.  Leave up to the couple to decide how to work it out.  It is nice of you to worry, but not your responsibility.  They can hang out earlier with SO at pictures (the taking a picture with the SO is a nice gesture) or they can simply make arrangements to meet up at the ceremony.

    Anytime I was in a wedding and my SO was not (or visa versa), we made arrangements to get to where we needed to be.  It was not a big deal.  It can vary from person to person.  I personally have no qualms hanging by myself for an hour or two. 
    This.

    I think it is nice you are worried but there is not really any reason to be.

    Personally I would rather not have to get ready early to hang out with a wedding party I am not actually in and watch them take pictures. I would rather watch TV till I need to go.
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  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I will leave it up to the couple as to what they want to do. Thank you for the advice! 
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  • weddingcactusweddingcactus member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    I just wanted to chime in to say you're being very thoughtful and considerate. My fiancé was a GM in an OOT wedding. We only had one car and the ceremony was a long distance from our hotel. He was asked to be at the venue hours before pictures. I had no where to get ready there so I went with him all dressed up and ready for the wedding. I sat around waiting all by myself while the GMs were together in a room and I had no where to be and nothing to do but wait. It's been years since the wedding and this memory is sadly what I remember most about the wedding.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    erinlin25 said:
    I never minded getting ready and then meeting my SO at the wedding ceremony (and visa versa).  It is a given that the wedding party members will usually have to meet earlier.  Leave up to the couple to decide how to work it out.  It is nice of you to worry, but not your responsibility.  They can hang out earlier with SO at pictures (the taking a picture with the SO is a nice gesture) or they can simply make arrangements to meet up at the ceremony.

    Anytime I was in a wedding and my SO was not (or visa versa), we made arrangements to get to where we needed to be.  It was not a big deal.  It can vary from person to person.  I personally have no qualms hanging by myself for an hour or two. 
    This. I love DH and all, but it's nice to have some alone time once in a while. For our wedding, we just didn't do anything pre-wedding. We let everyone get ready on their own and had them meet us at a designated time to ride the shuttle to the wedding (with their SOs). No one was really separated for more than a few minutes.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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