Meet the Parents

Wegl13 · February 2015

Watching the Bachelor has gotten me thinking (a dangerous pastime I know). All the contestants in this show make a super big deal about bringing an SO home to meet their family, which seems like a foreign concept to me. I have met the family and introduced my family to every guy I've ever dated, even one I was only with for three weeks; all very early in the relationship (in fact I met my husbands grandparents the day before we started dating- we even accuse his grandfather of setting us up).
So what is your experience? Did you bring home serious suitors only? Did "meeting the parents" equate to some sort of step forward in the relationship, on par with moving in together? Or is introducing your family just par for the course with any relationship?

novella1186 · February 2015

Love the Beauty and the Beast reference!

My history is similar to yours. My parents met all my boyfriends really early on, and it was never a big deal. It was just like "Hey guys, here's the new dude. K. Cool."

I guess if I were dating someone in a different part of the country, though, so my family wasn't around or whatever, it would be a bigger deal to travel to meet everyone. I don't know. I can't relate much to that since I've never experienced it.

blabla89 · February 2015

Since A) my family lives far away and B ) they're fucking crazy, no one I've casually dated has ever come to meet them. I think about 6 months is the soonest I've invited someone to come out and visit them with me.

On the flip side, FI and the last two guys I seriously dated before him all had family nearby, so I met them pretty early on. College boyfriend #1 wanted to borrow his parents' car for the weekend, so we had to stop by their place and meet them. College boyfriend #2 organized a fraternity outing to Steeple Chase every year, and a bunch of us stayed at his parents' place nearby. FI was pretty insistent on me meeting his family from the get-go, but his family is a lot closer than mine.

NowIamMrsKlein · February 2015

I never introduced my parents to guys I was dating unless it was serious. And FI is the only serious relationship I've been in so they're the only guy they met.

I never saw the need to introduce them to guys that i was casually seeing. I didn't want to have to explain to them that I wasn't serious about the guys and that we were just having fun. It was none of their business, and I didn't want to have to deal with the questions etc when we would inevitablely break up.

So my parents obviously knew it was serious with my FI when they met him after we had only been dating a month.

amelisha · February 2015

I haven't lived in the same city as my parents for ten years plus, so meeting my parents always meant a deliberate trip, often on a holiday, so yeah, it has counted as a step in my relationships for sure. I have had many boyfriends my parents never met. Actually, counting FI I think there's only been three in those ten years.

When I met FI's parents it was a big thing too. Fancy dinner out with his dad and stepmom and I hosted a small dinner party and invited his mom and sister to meet them. It would be different if he'd been living at home or something, but yeah, I don't think he would have introduced me to his family either if it hadn't been serious.

AddieCake · February 2015

I always introduced people to my family. It was never an epic event.

flutteringinfl · February 2015

The first time I met FI's parents we'd been dating about a month. I wasn't sure if the relationship was going to last and he was really into me so it was an awkward time. Luckily it wasn't like, taking me to have dinner with them. It was his dad's retirement party so his parents were super busy with other people to distract them, so it was way less weird than it could have been considering my mindset at the time.

But my family all live on the other side of the country, so the first person FI met from my family was actually my uncle, because he and his family were vacationing in Disney so we went to meet up with them. So before FI met my parents my uncle was "reporting" to them of how things were. I think it made it a lot easier when my mom met him the following Thanksgiving. My whole family seemed to like him. But by the time he met my immediate family, we had been together a year and a half. There just wasn't an opportunity to introduce him before that.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

When I was in high school, they met everyone. After I went away to college and started adult life, it was more of an effort/road trip to introduce people, so I did reserve it for more "worthwhile" guys. More because of logistics than anything else.

levioosa · February 2015

I introduce people when they are "official." That being said, guys I've dated in the past have either been people my family already knew, or people they had heard about that I was already friends with. Not a big ordeal either way.

anjemon · February 2015

My family has met both of my real boyfriends. The only one they didn't meet was my fling after my big breakup, but he was only in the country for a while and neither of us considered it a real thing.

My first boyfriend and I started dating in HS. So they met him pretty soon, and I think they had known him before because we were friends.

I actually ended up making a pretty big deal out of them meeting FI. My parents live a couple of hours away and FI and I started becoming serious around Christmas. Then I didn't really see my parents until the end of February for my family's "birthday day" (all three kids birthday within 3 weeks so we celebrate all at once). So I had to call them and tell them I wanted to invite my new BF. And then FI basically had to spend an entire day with my whole family. I probably could have planned it better. I met his family really casually, but they live in the same city and he went over there for dinners really frequently. So it was a lot easier for me to just tag along.

So it was kind of a big deal to me, because my family is kind of close and really important to me. So I really wanted them to like him. But not as big a deal as it probably turned into.

theycallmelinz · February 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

When I was in high school, they met everyone. After I went away to college and started adult life, it was more of an effort/road trip to introduce people, so I did reserve it for more "worthwhile" guys. More because of logistics than anything else.

Same for me. Once I moved away, if I cared enough about a guy to invite him home with me then sure, but if we're just casually dating, nah. But with FI, he came home with me after we'd been dating exclusively -though not yet official, for a few weeks and we made it official that weekend. I think I met his parents right after that. Since we were getting serious, it was important for us to meet each other's families early on because we're both pretty close to our families.

emmaaa · February 2015

Before H, all my dating was in HS and "super serious." So I introduced them to my BF's because it was the rule before I was allowed to ride in the car with them. My parents have known H since we were 5 so we didn't really have to do the whole introduction thing. Just kind of, "Hey, you remember Jay right? Well we're dating now."

climbingsingle · February 2015

I only introduced my parents to guys that I was seriously dating. If it was casual, they never met my parents.

pinkcow13 · February 2015

Meeting my parents was always a big deal for me, but not for good reasons. My parents were SUPER strict, so I never wanted to introduce them to anyone of my boyfriends. Ever. I met FI in college, and had to eventually tell them on a call home that I had a boyfriend. That went over well. My mom called me a "used rag" amongst other things.

When they did meet, it was the worst, most awkward thing ever. I don't even really remember what happened - I blocked the horrible memory from my mind. It took them YEARS to accept FI. And not because of anything FI did, but because I refused to bring him around. I mean, who would want to after the lovely reaction I got from them? Not to mention that my mom never wanted me to date someone who was Puerto Rican. Or came from a "broken household." It goes on.

So to me, meeting the parents did not signify any step in the seriousness of the relationship, it was more like I had to eventually get it over with. Like ripping a bandaid off a really bad cut with a really thick, stubborn hair stuck to it.

twoleighs · February 2015

Mostly, I would bring guys home I was "official" with, not casually dating. On the flip side, I had never met a guy's parents until FI.

FI actually met my step dad a week or so after we met, the same time he got to meet crazy ex who showed up when I was moving. Step dad went BSC on ex. *awkward*

I met FI's parents a few weeks later and FI met my Mom about that time. No big productions or anything, just hanging out.

WinstonsGirl · February 2015

DH is the only guys I ever brought home. I usually didn't date guys long enough for them to meet my parents. If I even mentioned guys, my Mom would act cool but get this far away starry look in eyes and I could see her planning the wedding already. I hated it so I just avoided by not telling them.

DH actually met my parents by accident. I had only told my mom about him a few days before and my Dad didn't know as he had been out of town. We all ended up at my cousin's play watching. They walked in and DH booted it out the other door. He finally came back but my brother just sat in between all of us all first act grinning like an idiot waiting for the "show". It was kinda funny now that I look back on it.

erinlin25 · February 2015

My parents met high school dates, but after that the only person I brought home was H--so it was a big deal to them. I was dreading it because I knew their wedding wheels would be turning. I was pretty much the girl married to work and very picky so it was rare I dated anyone long enough to even bring home, and since my parents were eager to "marry me off" I did not give them the satisfaction of knowing anything about my personal life. They were very judgmental that I was in so hurry to get married and have babies.

I met H's mom early in--like 2 weeks of dating. She had come in to town last minute for work and we had a date already planned (due to my work schedule we were limited to date nights at first). H was like if it freaks you out to meet my mom so soon we can reschedule or she can stay at my apt while we go out--I felt that would have been super rude, and it was no big deal to me to meet her early on, so I kept the date and met his mom.

I did not even tell my mom and dad about H until we had been dating for 6 weeks and they did not meet him until about 3 months in, I think. Of course when they did meet him the first thing my dad tells me "you know I have been saving for your future wedding." ugh.

firebabe6519 · February 2015

We bothet each others parents shortly before we got engaged. Not a big deal for us really. We just went as a couple to the family Christmases.

lyndausvi · February 2015

When I was 19 my parents moved to Japan. Add in 3 other countries and lord knows how many states, well we were always a plane ride away from each other. Due to logistics they didn't meet many BFs.

Neither one of us met the others parents until we were engaged. No reason other than logistics of getting engaged soon after we met and both sets of parents lived 1500-1800 miles away.

redoryx · February 2015

I didn't start dating until I was in my 20s so no HS boyfriends and since then my parents have only ever met my three serious boyfriends. It was a looooooooong time between my ex and my current but I did a lot of casual dating between the two, but nobody I bothered bringing home.

LadyMillil · February 2015

DH lived with his parents when we first started dating so I met them pretty early in our relationship.

My parents were a 4 hour drive away. They were slightly BSC about me dating (going on one date = getting pregnant and ruining your life OR getting married *eye rolls*) so I never even told them I was dating anyone unless it was serious to avoid the dramas. DH was the first guy I was in a serious relationship with so he is the only one they've ever known about. When DH and I decided to move in together we took a road trip to my parents so they could meet him.

falsara · February 2015

The rule in my house while I was in HS was any dates had to meet the parents. I wasn't even allowed to date till I was 16.

I lived at home when I was at community college, but I think my parents met only 1 of my boyfriends and that was because it was long distance and he was coming into town to see me And needed a place to stay. We had been together for almost 6 months.

They knew FI long before we started dating. He was a close friend and was over at the house frequently so it was more like @emmaaa‌ where I was like hey, me and FI started dating.

redheadbride15 · February 2015

FI and I were just talking earlier this evening about when he first met my parents. He was the first (and only) guy I brought home even though I was 35 at the time and we'd been dating only 2 months. After many years of non-serious relationships and long periods of being single, this just felt "right". My parents hugged him the first time they met him and it warmed my heart.

mrscomposer · February 2015

I've only ever had two guys I would consider boyfriends, both of whom I wound up engaged to. I don't remember the official 'meeting' of the first guy, but can imagine how it was - I was 22 and bringing a guy home for the first time.

When I brought J home, it was after a 9 hour drive, he was there for the weekend, and we were already planning our wedding. So it was a big deal because it was longer than just a 'hey, how are you', and we knew he was sticking around.

hellosweetie1015 · February 2015

My parents have met every boy I've ever dated.

That would be because my first BF was early freshman semester in college, and we met because my shirt said the name of a town near which we both grew up. He took me home a couple times (didn't have my license), and thus had to meet them.

Second boyfriend, I started dating over that following summer, while I lived at home during break and worked.

Third boyfriend (FI) met them because I was home visiting my parents and the trip back from his internship ran right through my hometown.

madamerwin · February 2015

To be honest, I don't remember exactly how long it was after we started dating that FI met my parents - maybe 6 months? It wasn't a huge deal to me, though I do think FI was nervous to meet my dad (which is amusing, because my dad is super nice and laid back, not a scary guy by any means). Altogether an uneventful meeting.

But I do remember meeting FI's mom, and brother, and nephew, and ALL of his friends at one time - he took me to his best friends' wedding about 4 months into our relationship. It was super overwhelming, but since they are all nice people, it was actually quite fun once I got past the nervousness.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

AddieCake said:

I always introduced people to my family. It was never an epic event.

Ditto. Although introducing (now) H to my parents was comical. My parents grow their own vegetables, so at dinner they were quite excited to give us a salad made from their own greens. I jokingly asked my dad if he had washed the lettuce to get all the dirt off. Then, my (now) H nudged me and pointed on his plate. There was an inchworm crawling out of the salad! My parents swear they didnt' do it on purpose and that they washed the salad. But, I still wonder ....

ashley8918 · February 2015

We both met each other's parents before we were even "officially" dating.

penguin44 · February 2015

H was a friend for a while, so he knew my parents before we were dating since they lived close. I met his parents a few months in when he went to visit them. It was a big deal to me to meet his parents because I had never "met the parents." They were super nice though.

badbnagdway · February 2015

Only two guys I dated ever met my parents, one of them of course being FI. I was super shy and didn't date seriously until I was a bit older, at which point I lived hundreds of miles from my family. So it wasn't until something was serious that a boyfriend met my parents.

Conversely, I have met boyfriends' parents before it was a serious relationship several times. This was mostly because the parents/fam lived close by and the guy was tight with his fam. It made me nervous to have been dating like, a month, and meet the parents, but ultimately if that is how a person rolls it's less stressful because they tend to just be more visible in their kid's life and are used to meeting the person they are dating.

There's no wrong answer, but yes the longer you wait, or if you generally only introduce people you are serious about, the more importance it has and the more of a to-do it is.

Cookie Pusher · February 2015

The first time I met DH's parents was after I went to traffic court. DH came with me, and I ended up staying for dinner when I dropped him off afterwards. Totally not a big deal at all. DH met my mom before we even started dating, so it was definitely not a big deal. I parents met pretty much everyone I was ever friends with (small town life), including everyone I dated. It's just kind of how things were where we live, so I don't think anyone ever made a production out of it. In most cases, the parents already met whoever their kid was dating long before they started dating anyway.

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