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"I want to wear a dark color to you wedding because....

DaniBitesDaniBites member
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in Chit Chat
...I'm still mourning your father."  Says my mom.

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH :(

I mean, of course I smiled and said whatever makes you comfortable.  But I wish she wouldn't have told me and I hope she doesn't tell anyone else.

I feel like I'm being weird about this but for some reason it really upset me.

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Re: "I want to wear a dark color to you wedding because....

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Well you handled that conversation as best as you could.  No need to answer, but how long has it been?  If its been a while, 6 months or more, maybe you could talk to your mom about joining a grief support group or seeing a therapist.  I don't think your mom (or you) will stop mourning the loss of your dad, but that sounds a bit extreme. 

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  • charlottesmom0626charlottesmom0626 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Does she wear black and a hat everyday? I'm confused. 
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  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 member
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Not only that, but it's six months until your wedding. Much can happen in that time.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    That's weird that she felt the need to tell you. Lots of people wear dark colors to weddings because they're flattering... it didn't really need explanation. 

    I think she wants a hug.
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  • DaniBitesDaniBites member
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    OliveOilsMom said:

    Well you handled that conversation as best as you could.  No need to answer, but how long has it been?  If its been a while, 6 months or more, maybe you could talk to your mom about joining a grief support group or seeing a therapist.  I don't think your mom (or you) will stop mourning the loss of your dad, but that sounds a bit extreme. 

    It's been ten months and the wedding is in about another six.  She refuses to get any kind of help, and usually she handles it REALLY well, so I don't know where this wearing a dark color thing came from.


    charlottesmom0626 said:
    Does she wear black and a hat everyday? I'm confused. 
    No, which is even more confusing.  

    Honestly if she had just picked a dark color and not said anything about it, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.  She rocks dark colors.  Rock those dark colors, Mom!

    She has plenty of time to change her mind I guess, but the whole idea makes me pretty sad.  I want her to be happy on my wedding day.

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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    That's weird, mom.
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Maybe she feels weird about not having him at your wedding, so it's a way of showing him respect and remembrance? Kinda similar idea to brides that want chairs for their deceased loved ones, but toned way down. I wouldn't necessarily take it as a sign of still being in extreme grief. 
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes moms worry more about the wedding than the bride does, and much further in advance (my mom wanted to "prepare" me that a family member with mental illness may or may not be able to attend my wedding in 6 months, and I was like, Ma. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay?). It's possible she's been stewing over what to do and wanted to share it with you, even though objectively it's a bit silly to even discuss it right now.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Weird. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    That's really strange. Both her resoning, and her need to tell you about it.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    To me it sounds like she was fishing for a hug and a word of comfort. 
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    eyeroll
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That makes me sad for her. Is she going to spend the focusing on the fact that he's not there? Ugh. I'm sorry. 
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  • firebabe6519firebabe6519 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Strange.
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  • DaniBitesDaniBites member
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    climbingwife said:
    That makes me sad for her. Is she going to spend the focusing on the fact that he's not there? Ugh. I'm sorry. 
    This is exactly what I'm afraid she's going to do.  I want her to be happy and I'm concerned she won't let herself be.

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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Not sure if this matters- but in a lot of cultures formal mourning ends after 12 months. So from a cultural standpoint- she should be in the clear to wear what ever color she wants. If she is in fact concerned about what other people think about what she wears. That said- if ANYONE looks at the mother of the bride on her daughter's wedding and says "Ugh, she's not wearing a dark color, how tacky" then that person needs to be booted from her life. 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    SBmini said:
    Not sure if this matters- but in a lot of cultures formal mourning ends after 12 months. So from a cultural standpoint- she should be in the clear to wear what ever color she wants. If she is in fact concerned about what other people think about what she wears. That said- if ANYONE looks at the mother of the bride on her daughter's wedding and says "Ugh, she's not wearing a dark color, how tacky" then that person needs to be booted from her life. 
    A daughter would probably know if her own mother's mourning was culturally-influenced or not...

    And nobody should ever think anything of people wearing dark colors at weddings because it's not unusual at all.
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm sorry this upset you. I agree that it sounds like your mom just wanted to mention her grief and probably needs a hug. At least she is just planning to wear dark colors which are very normal and not put on some big show of a memorial. You can't really help how she'll be feeling on your wedding day. And to a large extent, neither can she. We all go through the process of grief in different ways. *Hugs to you, too OP*
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    SBmini said:
    Not sure if this matters- but in a lot of cultures formal mourning ends after 12 months. So from a cultural standpoint- she should be in the clear to wear what ever color she wants. If she is in fact concerned about what other people think about what she wears. That said- if ANYONE looks at the mother of the bride on her daughter's wedding and says "Ugh, she's not wearing a dark color, how tacky" then that person needs to be booted from her life. 
    Huh? I doubt she feels she NEEDS to wear black. She said she WANTS to. And I have never in my life known someone who has lost their spouse, noticed what color they were wearing, or thought anything about what color they were or were not wearing. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • paperpusherpaperpusher member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Ugh. I'm sorry. I hope she will be able to be happy for the day of your wedding.

    We lost FIL to ALS less than 3 months before our wedding. MIL worn a lavender sundress.
    She was more concerned about how to display a memorial to him (like putting his wheelchair with a flag draped over it on the deck) than what she was going to wear.
    Anniversary

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