I wish I knew then, what I know now...

Iamnowmrsjms · February 2015

WOW! It's amazing how much I learn from lurking. I've been a guest at SO many weddings that have committed etiquette faux pas. So thankful I am "in the know" for my own upciming wedding. Thank you, all!

mhoffman17 · February 2015

I agree! I have been to so many weddings and never bothered to think abut etiquette before getting engaged myself. I've only been to three weddings in my almost 30 years of life that did NOT have gaps. I never knew this was rude, just thought it was "part of the day". I was invited to a wedding without my fiance, who at the time just boyfriend. I chalked it up as trying to save money since they didn't know him. I also never knew "adult reception to follow" was rude as so many people put it on invitations. It sounds ridiculous to me now that I was so clueless. These boards are life savers.

dcbride86 · February 2015

Before TK, I thought it was TOTALLY reasonable to only invite those who I deemed "serious" SOs. I didn't even think about it. I was like "if they haven't even been together for 6 months, they can't be that serious!" It wasn't until I read a post explaining why that was SO rude and wrong that I understand. THANK GOD!!! I would have invited a few friends and not their SOs, and would have been mortified if I made my guests feel uncomfortable or hurt because I was too much of a jackass to realize I was being rude.

AuroraRose41 · February 2015

Couldn't agree more! Before lurking, I would have cared more about having my bridesmaids look identical, probably given them terrible bridesmaid gifts like stuff for the wedding or my pictures only, would have just picked a dress before asking budgets, and also probably would have written "Black Tie" or even "Black Tie Optional" on the invitations. I also realized how important it is to make sure guests are comfortable, so I vetoed venues that I felt wouldn't make certain or all guests feel comfortable. Those are the only ones that I can think of, but I am sure there are more that lurking here has saved me from.

While we are still trying to have a formal event, it will not meet all of the requirements of Black Tie, so I am just completely leaving any mention of attire off of the invitations. And I realized that I care much more about my friends being happy in my pictures than looking identical, so I am only specifying designer, length, fabric, and color for the dresses (after asking them their budget and finding a designer that meets the lowest one), a neutral shoe (nude, black, silver, gold, etc.), and to look nice. I plan to get them personalized gifts (i.e. things they individually like, such as a makeup palette or Sephora gift card for my friend who loves makeup, etc. ), and if budget allows I hope to pay for their hair and makeup that they choose the day of.

lyndausvi · February 2015

It's post like this that make me realize I/we am/are getting through to some people.

Iamnowmrsjms · February 2015

Yes, yes, Yes to PP's!

I have NEVER attended a wedding that doesn't have a gap!

FI's brother was married last yr and had "BTO" on the invites, which caused for a lot of confusion. The event had all BT elements, so don't know why she didn't just put BT on the invites? SMH when I look back upon so many things. (she even had a wedding planner facilitate EVERYTHING)

I'm so happy to let my BM's choose the dress they want, in their budget, and give them gifts that they'd actually enjoy. I can tell you exactly how many times I've re-used the matching wedding jewelry "gift." (yup, ZERO)

I've also realized that I've seen one too many PPDs on FB. LOL No idea what a PPD was up until recently.

littlepep · February 2015

futuremrsjms said:

Yes, yes, Yes to PP's!

I have NEVER attended a wedding that doesn't have a gap!

FI's brother was married last yr and had "BTO" on the invites, which caused for a lot of confusion. The event had all BT elements, so don't know why she didn't just put BT on the invites? SMH when I look back upon so many things. (she even had a wedding planner facilitate EVERYTHING)

I'm so happy to let my BM's choose the dress they want, in their budget, and give them gifts that they'd actually enjoy. I can tell you exactly how many times I've re-used the matching wedding jewelry "gift." (yup, ZERO)

I've also realized that I've seen one too many PPDs on FB. LOL No idea what a PPD was up until recently.

BTO always riles me up. We were invited to one a few years ago and all of my friends were so confused as to what to wear. Like thanks for telling me what clothes are optional. I didn't know my options before.

AuroraRose41 · February 2015

littlepep said:

futuremrsjms said:

Yes, yes, Yes to PP's!

I have NEVER attended a wedding that doesn't have a gap!

FI's brother was married last yr and had "BTO" on the invites, which caused for a lot of confusion. The event had all BT elements, so don't know why she didn't just put BT on the invites? SMH when I look back upon so many things. (she even had a wedding planner facilitate EVERYTHING)

I'm so happy to let my BM's choose the dress they want, in their budget, and give them gifts that they'd actually enjoy. I can tell you exactly how many times I've re-used the matching wedding jewelry "gift." (yup, ZERO)

I've also realized that I've seen one too many PPDs on FB. LOL No idea what a PPD was up until recently.

BTO always riles me up. We were invited to one a few years ago and all of my friends were so confused as to what to wear. Like thanks for telling me what clothes are optional. I didn't know my options before.

I thought it was an absolute great idea, and then lurked here and read that it wasn't, but still didn't entirely understand why until I received my cousin's wedding invitation with "BTO" on it. I was so confused, and many of my relatives were too. Then it clicked, and I vowed not to do that. I'm just going to pick out formal looking invitations and hope that conveys the message well enough, in addition to our 6 pm ceremony time.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

TK has saved me from:

-matchy bridesmaids gifts

-not inviting all SOs regardless of perceived seriousness

-head table without having seats for wedding party SOs - something I never would have even thought of

-contrived cuteness (rhyming signs, etc that I thought were *so* clever before lurking)

-NWR but future DDs. I am guilty of a DD from when I first began posting. Posted something that I deleted in case the couple whom it was about perused these boards. I had no idea what a blunder that was until it had already been done. Now I am wiser for it!

Thank you!

I wish I knew then, what I know now...

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