Wedding Etiquette Forum

#awkward

We just discovered that one of our wedding gifts (check) bounced.

Do I say anything? Let it slide? Assume they will find out when their bank notifies them?

Plus, there is a $12 fee, which is annoying.

*sigh*

Re: #awkward

  • They should find out from their bank that the check bounced. I guess whether or not I would say something would depend on how close I was to them.



  • I believe there is nothing to be done, presuming you've already thanked the giver. (Even if you haven't, I don't think you can mention it politely.)


  • I wouldn't say anything. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Here's Anna Post on the topic:

    It’s not often I hear a new wedding question, but this is one. Wait to hear from the person who wrote the check. They will know that it bounced. Their bank will return the check to them or otherwise notify them of the insufficient funds, so it’s not as though there is any chance they will think you simply never cashed it. Once alerted, they will most likely be in touch to apologize and possibly offer to send a new check. Don’t mention any inconvenience it caused or ask what happened; simply follow their lead. If they don’t get in touch -- perhaps because of embarrassment -- don’t pursue it. This was a gift, not a matter for accounts payable. Write a note thanking them for attending the wedding, and perhaps “for thinking of us,” and then let it go.


  • I wouldn't say anything.  Furthermore if you haven't sent a thank you note to them yet, don't.  You thanked them for coming at the reception, and a TY note showing up in the mail could just embarrass them further.
  • antotoantoto member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited February 2015
    I wouldn't bring it up.
    image
  • Don't say anything. This has got to be very embarrassing for them. They may give you money again but certainly don't bring it up. They'll know.
  • I wouldn't say anything about it. If they bring it up, be gracious and don't mention the fee. It's unfortunate for both of you, but I imagine they'd feel completely humiliated to discover it cost you a bounced check fee in addition to the embarrassment of bouncing the check in the first place.
  • Everyone else has the right advice.

    Here's a question. Why is the recipient charged a fee, it's not their check that bounced.  Shouldn't the giver's bank account be charged the fee? Shouldn't it be like an overdraft fee?
    image
    image

    image


  • Everyone else has the right advice.

    Here's a question. Why is the recipient charged a fee, it's not their check that bounced.  Shouldn't the giver's bank account be charged the fee? Shouldn't it be like an overdraft fee?
    The bank holds the person who deposited/cashed it accountable for depositing the bad check.  Every bank I've been a member of has it in their policies to charge the fee, but some of them will reverse it for a "valued customer" if the account holder asks.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • Don't say anything. Contact your bank to see if they'll waive the fee.
  • Everyone else has the right advice.

    Here's a question. Why is the recipient charged a fee, it's not their check that bounced.  Shouldn't the giver's bank account be charged the fee? Shouldn't it be like an overdraft fee?
    The bank holds the person who deposited/cashed it accountable for depositing the bad check.  Every bank I've been a member of has it in their policies to charge the fee, but some of them will reverse it for a "valued customer" if the account holder asks.

    This is what I was going to suggest. I just had this happen to me (except they charge $45(!) per isf cheque). I called them and they reversed it.

    image
  • I wouldn't say anything, but I did have a guest warn me that it may happen. A family member, he was raised as a brother to my grandma, wrote me a check and asked me to let him know if it didn't go through. His wife used to handle the finances, and since her death, he has had trouble remembering which of his two check books he is supposed to be using. The check went through, but I doubt I would have told him anyway.
  • I wouldn't say anything, but I did have a guest warn me that it may happen. A family member, he was raised as a brother to my grandma, wrote me a check and asked me to let him know if it didn't go through. His wife used to handle the finances, and since her death, he has had trouble remembering which of his two check books he is supposed to be using. The check went through, but I doubt I would have told him anyway.
    This just broke my heart a little.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • I wouldn't say anything, but I did have a guest warn me that it may happen. A family member, he was raised as a brother to my grandma, wrote me a check and asked me to let him know if it didn't go through. His wife used to handle the finances, and since her death, he has had trouble remembering which of his two check books he is supposed to be using. The check went through, but I doubt I would have told him anyway.
    This just broke my heart a little.
    I know. That's kind of why I didn't want to ever say anything about it. It's been a few years, but he hasn't been able to fully recover. He's elderly and was so used to doing things the way he did when she was around to take care of part of their life together. Without her, he has a hard time. 
  • Say nothing. They will find out, and probably be embarrassed. They will either contact you, apologize and possibly send you a new check or not. Whatever they decide to do is up to them, don't make their embarrassment worse by telling them. It's probably an honest mistake, people generally don't write bad checks on purpose. But I would leave it alone, suck up the $12 and move on. Good Luck!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards