$100 says there's no tape

mrsconn23 · February 2015

Dear Prudence,
More than two decades ago I was a naive 18-year-old who married an extremely sexually, emotionally, and physically abusive man 13 years my senior. After 12 years of hell I escaped with my children (who are now in their teens). It was a difficult journey, but today I am married to a wonderful, successful man and we’ve been together for six years. Here’s my problem: My 76-year-old ex-mother-in-law just emailed me threatening to release to my family a video of me taken by my ex-husband 18 years ago showing me with another woman. I question the existence of such a clip, but because I spent much of my marriage inebriated in order to cope it is possible it exists. I’m not concerned about this having any risk to my marriage, but I haven’t mentioned this to my husband yet with the hopes of having an action plan in place first. If the video does exist my ex likely gave it to her when I first left him 10 years ago. I suspect my pressuring him into getting a job (he’s been jobless by choice for years) to pay for thousands of dollars owed in child support has triggered her actions. I don’t even know if my ex even knows about my mother-in-law’s threat. Please, what do I do?

—Is It on Tape?

0Face · February 2015

I mean, who is this woman that "RELEASING" a tape is really that big of a deal?

VarunaTT · February 2015

And this is why sexuality should stop being such a damn shameful thing.

So what: you slept with a chick to turn on your husband. OH. NOES. THE. SHAME. /sarcasm

The real issue is that it sounds like she was in a relationship that might turned this^ into a non-consensual event. I'd throw THAT little gem in the ex-MIL's face, make sure the family knows that there is an issue with ex-MIL (I wouldn't go into specifics until I had to, just b/c sex life shouldn't have to be shared if you don't want to) and go on about my business.

0Face · February 2015

And isn't this illegal? *waves hands*

tawillers · February 2015

Conn, would your family take this crazy mother of abuser seriously enough to view the tape?

Wouldn't they just be all "hey, your insane ex-mil sent this over to damage our opinion of you because you are making her abuser baby get a job to pay child support. here you go."

MesmrEwe · February 2015

Yea - unless it was a non-consensual event, in which case she needs to tell the EXMIL "Sounds great, the statute of limitation isn't over yet and I'm sure the DA would love to see it" something tells me that if the ExMIL sent this in writing that it would be grounds for a restraining order and/or terroristic threats whether she was consenting or not. "Lay off deadbeat sperm donor or I'll release a video of you getting it on" - stop fearing her past, if it was consenting embrace it, and don't give the ExMIL that kind of power. When she realizes she doesn't have leverage that type of stuff will stop in a hurry...

Heffalump · February 2015

I wonder if the xMIL is just threatening, like "Hey, I'll send everyone your sex tape!" or more like blackmail, like "Back off about Son getting a job, or I'll send everyone the tape."

Either way, I would laugh and laugh and laugh. If it's as old as she thinks it is (assuming it actually exists), do you think it's on actual VHS tape? Because if someone sent me a VHS tape, I would have no way of actually watching it at this point. So I guess xMIL would have to send the tape, a VCR, and instructions for connecting and using said VCR.

VarunaTT · February 2015

Also, since I'm not actually living through this, the evil part of me wants her to say, "Oooo, send it on over, new-husband and I would LOVE to watch that as part of an adults evening!"

danamw · February 2015

Call ex-MIL and tell her, "my parents are coming over the house tonight, you are invited too, bring the tape". You probably won't hear from her again. I highly doubt she will show up at all.

If she says she is still going to use the "tape", tell her you will be speaking with a lawyer about having her investigated for extortion.

This above advice goes for any circumstance where someone is trying amateur blackmail.

hmonkey · February 2015

wait -- i missed the part where the tape is 18 years old.

so what is mil going to do? "hey, all your friends who still have betamax are gonna to see this! they won't believe it, but once those legwarmers have been rolled down, under all that aziza and aqua net, i'mma swear it's you!"

thesilverbride · February 2015

i have a hard time believing your hubs would be offended by seeing you with another women, and also, that all happened before you married your current husband. he cant shame you for things you have done in the past. I would tell your husband what this woman is doing and if you have the spare time, contact law enforcement. sorry you're going through this.. i dated a nut case at one point so i know what kind of ridiculous crap you're dealing with. best wishes and good luck with all this.

MesmrEwe · February 2015

hmonkey said:

wait -- i missed the part where the tape is 18 years old.

so what is mil going to do? "hey, all your friends who still have betamax are gonna to see this! they won't believe it, but once those legwarmers have been rolled down, under all that aziza and aqua net, i'mma swear it's you!"

Hey now! 18 years wasn't THAT long ago LOL (we even had CD's back then and Hi8's were all the rage!!!)

thejucheidea · February 2015

thesilverbride said:

i have a hard time believing your hubs would be offended by seeing you with another women, and also, that all happened before you married your current husband. he cant shame you for things you have done in the past. I would tell your husband what this woman is doing and if you have the spare time, contact law enforcement. sorry you're going through this.. i dated a nut case at one point so i know what kind of ridiculous crap you're dealing with. best wishes and good luck with all this.

Kills me every time.

$100 says there's no tape

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