Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Help!! Indecisive Bride

EMMasdenEMMasden member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A little background.... My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and both of us and our families are from the same area in Indiana. Currently we live in Savannah, GA (and so do my parents). We couldn't decide on where to have the wedding initially but finally decided on having it in our hometown so that we could celebrate with everyone (also my grandmother isn't in great health and it would be hard for my grandfather, whom I am extremely close to, and her to travel).

I am not a fussy bride. I don't really care what colors or flowers I am most concerned about staying in budget and I just want everyone to have a great time. I would love to have part of the ceremony or reception to be outside cause my fiance and I love the outdoors and summer parties. The hard part is I don't really have anyone to help me plan at home. I have found a couple places that I got excited about and finally stopped stressing and wanted to start planning but for one reason or another they have fell through. I tend to be a people pleaser and want to do what is most convenient for everyone else so I was struggling with the distance and how I am going to do this.

With the last place being pretty much locked in and then finding out you have to rent restrooms right before we signed the contract (which would have been an extra $2000) put it over our budget. Now we are thinking of having a small private ceremony with just immediate family in Savannah and a large reception in Indiana. I am worried the reception won't feel the same if we do it that way.

I know this seems all over the place but I can't make a decision to save my life. I want to have the wedding this year but haven't done anything yet. I would love feedback on everyones experience planning a long distance wedding or small ceremony and large reception.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Help!! Indecisive Bride

  • Options
    lilacck28lilacck28 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2015
    EMMasden said:
    A little background.... My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and both of us and our families are from the same area in Indiana. Currently we live in Savannah, GA (and so do my parents). We couldn't decide on where to have the wedding initially but finally decided on having it in our hometown so that we could celebrate with everyone (also my grandmother isn't in great health and it would be hard for my grandfather, whom I am extremely close to, and her to travel).

    I am not a fussy bride. I don't really care what colors or flowers I am most concerned about staying in budget and I just want everyone to have a great time. I would love to have part of the ceremony or reception to be outside cause my fiance and I love the outdoors and summer parties. The hard part is I don't really have anyone to help me plan at home. I have found a couple places that I got excited about and finally stopped stressing and wanted to start planning but for one reason or another they have fell through. I tend to be a people pleaser and want to do what is most convenient for everyone else so I was struggling with the distance and how I am going to do this.

    With the last place being pretty much locked in and then finding out you have to rent restrooms right before we signed the contract (which would have been an extra $2000) put it over our budget. Now we are thinking of having a small private ceremony with just immediate family in Savannah and a large reception in Indiana. I am worried the reception won't feel the same if we do it that way.

    I know this seems all over the place but I can't make a decision to save my life. I want to have the wedding this year but haven't done anything yet. I would love feedback on everyones experience planning a long distance wedding or small ceremony and large reception.
    It is definitely possible to plan a wedding from long distance, but yes, it does help to have someone in the area to check things out for you. When I got engaged to FI we were living in DC, but planning a wedding for CT. I did research on venues, and sent my parents to some of them to scope out first, and then we made trips back where we had appointments with places that had been narrowed down. We had a tight schedule each time we went home, and had a lot of appointments. It would have been possible to do without my parents there, we just would have visited less places, or taken more trips. 

    I don't know your area, but I would imagine you might need to do a little more internet sleuthing, and phone calling. Maybe check out that area's knot board. 

    I will say... if you are concerned about going over budget, doing a small ceremony in one state and big reception later in another does not seem like it is going to save you any money, at all. You'll probably end up spending more.

     Keep in mind that you HAVE to have a little reception after your wedding ceremony to thank your guests for coming, even if that is as simple as you and your parents go to a restaurant for lunch. And the big reception you throw in Indiana is still going to be expensive, even without the ceremony attached, because the reception IS the expensive part. 

    But, if you really want to do it that way... go for it. But your assumption is correct-- the big reception will definitely feel different, because it won't be a wedding reception, it will be a big party. And I'm sure it could be awesome! But it won't be a wedding reception. 

    And none of us can really help you make this decision. It's up to you. If you wanted lots of people at your wedding though, then I would figure out a way to make that happen, rather than doing the in between thing you're thinking of. If you always wanted an intimate wedding, then I'd say the opposite. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    What part of Indiana? I'm in Indianapolis and we are doing an outdoor venue Are his parents or family still in In? Can one of them be your eyes on the ground?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Another option you didn't mention:
    Having the ceremony AND reception in Savannah.
    You will have less turnout than you would in Indiana since it will be long distance, but I'm sure you'll still get a decent number of the people you are closer too.
    This doesn't help with the issue of your grandparents', but then, if you had a private ceremony in Savannah, they'd miss your wedding in that case too.

    I know you're worried about budget, but you could hire a wedding planner in Indiana. I don't know exactly how they work, but I imagine she could meet with places, ask the questions you have, take pictures for you, etc.

    Also check your local board here to see if anyone in your area has suggestions about places you hadn't thought of. Whereabouts in Indiana?


    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your wedding reception must be held on the same day as your ceremony.  You get ONE day.  The reception is a thank you party for your ceremony guests.  If you are having a private ceremony, there is no reason to have a reception.
    What you can have is a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress, no bouquet tossing, no "first dance".  This is a celebration party.  It is not part of your wedding day.
    You can have dinner, dancing, open bar, the works - just don't try to turn it into a re-do wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @EMMasden, are there any other venues in Indiana that you haven't looked at or thought of yet? You said that you only found a few, and that those all fell through. Try to do more research and see if anything else comes up. Also look into more non traditional places, such as parks, community centers, summer camps, etc. I ask because it does sound like you want to have it closer to your family, and having a party there later would not make all of these issues go away. You would still need a venue to have it at. 

    My FI and I had the same issue; we were both from NY, our families and many friends still live there, but we are in California. It would have been impossible for many of them to fly out to us, for various reasons (budget, health issues, doesn't like flying, etc.). While we could have had a smaller, cheaper wedding here in California, we decided it was more important for everyone to be there. 

    Planning it in a different city from where you live is not easy, but it is doable. Most vendors are perfectly happy to email, call, Facebook message, or even Skype with me, and they are more than willing to work around the time difference issue too. I am setting up appointments with them over the phone or email based on when FI and I will be in NY. I did a ton of research prior to looking at venues and fit venue 8 venue visits in in a week when FI and I were back. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask. I would be perfectly happy to answer them. 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Even if you get married in Savannah, you still need to have a reception for those you invite. That can be as easy as just taking them all out to lunch or dinner after the ceremony (and you, the B&G pay for it) 

    If you're considered about budget, I don't understand how having a large party back in Indiana is going to help considering the parties are where most of the money goes anyway. Also, don't call it a wedding reception, it's not a reception. It's a party. 

    Honestly, I vote for doing more research and trying to find a venue in Indiana where you can have the ceremony and the reception on the same day back home since it sounds like you really want more of your extended family there.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    It won't feel the same because it won't be the same. The post-wedding event in Savannah would be your reception since it would serve the purpose of thanking your guests who attended your wedding ceremony. The post-wedding event in Indiana would be a celebration of your marriage. In other words, the Indiana event would be a big party without the trimmings of a wedding reception (no special dances, no cake cutting, no wedding dress). Both could be a lot of fun and a great way to celebrate with your loved ones. They would just be two distinct kinds of celebrations. Don't try to make one a copy-and-paste of the other. Think of it as getting to host two different kick-ass parties with your soon-to-be H.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    EMMasdenEMMasden member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks everyone! Thank you AuroraRose41!  I have done an insane amount of research, we got engaged last March and I have pretty much been continuously looking since then, thinking I will find that special place that isn't well known. I have looked into parks, country cubs, wineries, etc.

     If we do the small ceremony in Savannah it would be just our siblings and parents which wouldn't be very expensive. The big reception at home (IN) would be in our church hall, which is very affordable (it's pretty much a big gym so it wasn't what I initially wanted but I am willing to compromise at this point). The outdoor ceremony cite has been the struggle. My fiance doesn't seem interested in having the ceremony in the church because we will have to do the retreat and classes ( he would do it if I wanted but it isn't my first choice). I am fine with doing the reception at the church hall now but then where to do the ceremony. I am from Southern Indiana right outside of Louisville.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm confused. Why not find a park of some sort in your town and just have your wedding reception in the church hall too?

    Also... sorry if this is obvious and of course you've looked, but have you looked into sites in Louisville?
    If you're only an hour or so away, I imagine your grandparents could still make it there?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    EMMasdenEMMasden member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I have looked in Louisville and surrounding areas. If I choose a park to have the ceremony I would have to rent a tent in case of rain or find a covered area (which I haven't found) then I would have to rent chairs and hire someone to set up the space, right? Am I making this more difficult then it is?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Get a wedding planner if you are doing out of state, otherwise u will drive yourself crazy it seems. No need to add extra stress
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you're OK with doing the church hall...why not just find another big local space that isn't your "ideal vision" either, where you can do the ceremony there as well? It may cost a little more, but will save all the trouble of having to find a secondary space for the ceremony. 

    While it's often not everyone's favorite, you could potentially have the immediate-family-only ceremony followed immediately by the big reception...it would likely be easy to reserve a park gazebo that would fit only those few people. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards