Not Engaged Yet

Engaged but no ring?

Okay, so, I don't know if anyone else is on the same boat as me. So my Honey and I have been together for 5 years, we also have 18 month old twin boys. We have been planning our wedding and we have a set date. Our wedding is actually in 6 months. The only thing is, he never proposed and gave me an engagement ring, we kind of just started confirming vendors and secured our venue. Should I even still want an engagement ring at this point? Am I the only one who is engaged but not ring official?

Re: Engaged but no ring?

  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Okay, so, I don't know if anyone else is on the same boat as me. So my Honey and I have been together for 5 years, we also have 18 month old twin boys. We have been planning our wedding and we have a set date. Our wedding is actually in 6 months. The only thing is, he never proposed and gave me an engagement ring, we kind of just started confirming vendors and secured our venue. Should I even still want an engagement ring at this point? Am I the only one who is engaged but not ring official?
    You can be engaged without a ring. I think if you'd still like to have an engagement ring you need to bring it up with your fiance though. Even though he didn't officially "propose" you're still officially engaged since you're in the process of planning your wedding, booking vendors, making deposits, etc. If the proposal and the ring are that important, then I really think you and your fiance need to communicate about it. What are his thoughts? Did you talk about engagement before you started planning your wedding? Did your fiance know that you desired an engagement ring and a proposal?



    IonaErebor
  • Congrats on your engagement! You don't need a ring to make it 'official', just an agreement to get married. If the ring is important to you, talk to your FI about it. Other than that, enjoy wedding planning. 




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  • We've actually went ring shopping and I did ask if he really is planning on officially proposing (even though I shouldn't know about it). All he tells me is that he has a day in mind....so I guess it's in the works but....it's in 6 months. Is he planning on asking the day before we get married?! lolz
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I was with my H when he purchased the ring.  When it came in - he just really handed it over basically saying "there ya go".  After he purchased the ring we started talking and discussing what we wanted, we announced our engagement to our families before the ring came in.  He never 'asked' me if I would marry him, because I was actively planning with him, that was good enough for us.

    It sounds like you've already talked to him and expressed your feelings and he's working on something - so all positives there!


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  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 Central FL member
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    I'm with @lennonkdc on this one.

    My H and I mutually decided to get married and that was the end of that. There was no ring, he didn't ask me anything. I only have 1 ring, and it's the ring he designed for my wedding ring. He did ask me in the process if I wanted him to propose with the ring, but I kind of felt like that ship had sailed. We didn't really want to buy a wedding band either, so the "proposal" never happened.


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  • Pretty much, yeah. I still have this ingrained notion that a ring and a proposal makes it more "official" somehow, but the fact is that we agreed to get married, we have a goal year (even though it's 2018-19), we're engaged. It won't stop me from going "WE'RE ENGAGED!!!" and posting mad proposal/ring pictures on here some day, but we still fit the definition now.
  • Fi didn't propose. We were just talking about random stuff and somehow decided we were gonna get married and what day. No ring, nothing elaborate and I wouldn't change anything.

    Knottie22925385
  • @ourladyofpotato @bethsmiles is right. Knowing you want to get married 'some day' or 'maybe in a year or so' isn't the same as being engaged. My H and I knew 3 months into our relationship we wanted to get married eventually. It took us 9 yrs to get engaged, and another 2+ before we were married. 

    If you don't BOTH consider yourself engaged, then you're not engaged. Your dating and thats 100% awesomesauce. Own where you are at! 



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    [Deleted User]bethsmiles
  • @bethsmiles @lennonkdc Fair point, and I agree with you. It's actually a point of confusion for me because I've heard a lot of different definitions of what "engaged" means, and it's put me in a place where I have no idea if I'm engaged or not! Frankly it seems like a moot argument because the name for whatever it is I'm doing isn't all that important to me, but I've still wondered!
  • @ourladyofpotato - I think there's one definition of engaged: you and your SO agree that you are engaged and will be getting married. I don't think you have to be actively planning a wedding, because lots of people get engaged (with the down-on-one-knee and ring box) and don't start planning a wedding for awhile. It doesn't make them any less engaged. My guess is if you don't know whether you're engaged or not, that you aren't.

    OP - plenty of people are involved in the proposal process. You should talk to your FI about your desires for a ring and it's ok to say 'I'd rather not wait until the summer for the ring, if that works for you.'
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    cu97tiger said:
    @ourladyofpotato - I think there's one definition of engaged: you and your SO agree that you are engaged and will be getting married. I don't think you have to be actively planning a wedding, because lots of people get engaged (with the down-on-one-knee and ring box) and don't start planning a wedding for awhile. It doesn't make them any less engaged. My guess is if you don't know whether you're engaged or not, that you aren't.

    OP - plenty of people are involved in the proposal process. You should talk to your FI about your desires for a ring and it's ok to say 'I'd rather not wait until the summer for the ring, if that works for you.'
    Ditto @cu97tiger, especially the bolded. If you are engaged or not shouldn't really be something you don't know. If you don't know, you probably aren't.


  • Thank you everyone, I'm glad I am not the only one who's engaged but with no ring. When ever we went to a vendor for our wedding, first thing I notice that they look at is my left hand...with no ring. I have even had someone congratulate me and then asked to see "the ring"...lol I just told her he's working on it.
  • My guy and I are unofficially engaged. I've asked him at least 3 times (one of those times was sending him a picture of an anime desktop that had the words "marry me" on it). He is in the process of getting a divorce and won't actually say yes until the courts have finalized it.

    Tonight we decided on the date and have started the first steps in planning.
  • My guy and I are unofficially engaged. I've asked him at least 3 times (one of those times was sending him a picture of an anime desktop that had the words "marry me" on it). He is in the process of getting a divorce and won't actually say yes until the courts have finalized it.

    Tonight we decided on the date and have started the first steps in planning.
    You can't actually be serious. 


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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    audrewuh said:
    My guy and I are unofficially engaged. I've asked him at least 3 times (one of those times was sending him a picture of an anime desktop that had the words "marry me" on it). He is in the process of getting a divorce and won't actually say yes until the courts have finalized it.

    Tonight we decided on the date and have started the first steps in planning.
    You can't actually be serious. 


    I have a friend who was in a similar situation. As soon as the divorce was finalize he did a complete 180 and ended it with her.


  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    My guy and I are unofficially engaged. I've asked him at least 3 times (one of those times was sending him a picture of an anime desktop that had the words "marry me" on it). He is in the process of getting a divorce and won't actually say yes until the courts have finalized it.

    Tonight we decided on the date and have started the first steps in planning.
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    bethsmiles
  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
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    edited February 2015
    audrewuh said:
    My guy and I are unofficially engaged. I've asked him at least 3 times (one of those times was sending him a picture of an anime desktop that had the words "marry me" on it). He is in the process of getting a divorce and won't actually say yes until the courts have finalized it.

    Tonight we decided on the date and have started the first steps in planning.
    You can't actually be serious. 


    image



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