Reception Ideas

Second Reception- What to wear!

Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?

Re: Second Reception- What to wear!

  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots
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    You can really wear anything you want. Some people on here prefer that you don't wear your wedding gown. Some people say why not, you spent $X on the gown might as well wear it again. I really wouldn't care or side eye you either way.

    We had a small immediate family only wedding and my mother in law was pissed about it and insisted on throwing us a BBQ a month later so her family could come celebrate with us. I didn't wear white to that.

                                                                     

    image

  • Hi

    We are having a second reception, ave a bunch of people that we cant invite. I am planning on wearing a cocktail dress for the second one. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sounds like it's just a fun party. So, I'd wear whatever I wanted. If you want to wear a light colored dress go for it, but it's not necessary. My parents held a BBQ after my wedding for all of their friends who I didn't invite. They were able to look at some pictures, and there was a awesome cake, but it was just a party. I wore jeans and a cute top.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    doeydoAmanderson1290
  • I'd just wear a nice dress. Something I'd wear to a bridal shower. Doesn't have to be white, of course. Wear anything you feel beautiful in.
    *********************************************************************************

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    Amanderson1290
  • Thank everyone for your input!
  • My FH and I are doing the same thing. Our wedding will be a total of 19 people, we will have a full reception and plan on having a big casual-ish party a month or two later once we have pictures and all that.
    I find that I am getting tons of requests to re-wear my dress for the party, which i strongly doubt i will do because it would be incredibly strange to be in a ball gown for an informal party. I am planning to wear something a little light and frilly though,just because i feel that's what fitting for my locations culture/social etiquette.
    Knottie0839442
  • edited February 2015
    My FI and I are having two receptions as well. His family is in Taiwan so there's really no way for many of them to attend. It'll be a traditional feast, but fairly low-key, and I'll probably be the most dressed up person wearing a red dress, but it'll probably be something casual because they are. Base it off your family: Are they very casual? Then keep it casual. Are they into formality and fancy parties? Go with something a little fancier. I agree that you probably wouldn't want to wear your wedding dress--just imagine the pain of packing it, unpacking it, and getting it cleaned/steamed/etc from the travel! Probably something similar to your bridal shower dress would be a safe bet if you don't know.

    To those who say no to ALL second receptions: I'm sorry, but in this case I disagree. Second receptions are an accepted practice for long-distance families, showing them that you respect them and want to include them in your future. Many families would be downright insulted if you pretended only half the family mattered enough to include them... and inviting them when you know they can't come doesn't count, because if they can't afford to travel, you're still excluding them by default. Calling it "NOT a reception" is like saying "you're not good enough to be part of my wedding because you don't have money." 

    Unless you're saying there should be two weddings and then two receptions? Although that seems more common for multiple-culture relationships wherein the bride and groom's families have separate definitions of what constitutes an culturally acceptable marriage. That's not the case here. It's also not a destination wedding that equally disadvantages all guests. It's a way of making sure both sides of the family are respected and given the chance to be involved.
    (--edited b/c I realized it came out harsher than I meant when first writing it; not trying to pick on anyone--)
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee
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    My FI and I are having two receptions as well. His family is in Taiwan so there's really no way for many of them to attend. 

    CMGragain I'm sorry, but I disagree. Second receptions are an accepted practice for long-distance families, showing them that you respect them and want to include them in your future. Many families would be downright insulted if you pretended only half the family mattered enough to include them... and inviting them when you know they can't come doesn't count, because if they can't afford to travel, you're still excluding them by default. Calling it "NOT a reception" is like saying "you're not good enough to be part of my wedding because you don't have money." Unless you're saying there should be two weddings and then two receptions? Although that seems more for multiple-culture relationships wherein the bride and groom's families have separate definitions of what constitutes an culturally acceptable marriage.


    When you have your wedding ceremony, and you have guests, you have a reception after that.  If you are already married, and having a party to celebrate your marriage, then it is just that a party.  It is not a reception.  The reception is what you had immediately following your wedding ceremony.

    I get what you're saying, but you can't call the 2nd (party) a reception, because it isn't.

    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • edited February 2015
    I though the purpose of etiquette was to make the guests comfortable. If calling the event just a "party" and not a "reception" makes your guests uncomfortable, then isn't the better etiquette to give it the name that would make them happy? Maybe it's different for international weddings (I myself am only planning that one specific type, after all) but respecting the values of everyone involved is important to me, and my new family would feel unhappy if I de-facto shunned them from the wedding--which I imagined is also the OP's situation.
  • You should invite whoever you want at your wedding without taking distance into consideration. By not inviting people but having a consolation party, you're basically saying you didn't want them there to see you get married, but they're good enough to come give you a gift.
    That's true if, and only if, they're not invited to the main wedding. The assumption is that they are ("de-facto excluded" not literally excluded), but you can't ignore practicality and pretend distance isn't a factor when it is: it costs them to attend, and when your families face uneven expenses, it's not the same thing as if they're evenly inconvenienced. One side of the family spends $200 per person to attend (gas + gift); the other side spends $1500 or more to attend (plane ticket + hotel + gift). Feelings are hurt by being left out ("playing favorites"), for which the only resolution is to have the wedding somewhere that is easily accessed by neither family. Yet I hardly call it sensible to require every long-distance family to have a more expensive yet neutral destination wedding. I'm very happy for your family that they could all attend. It's not true for all families, however. 

    The best etiquette is to know your own family and how they'd feel, and make that your main consideration. Frankly, if someone on an online forum is offended by the use of the word "reception," but the actual family is offended by the lack of the work "reception," the obvious thing to do is to go with the comfort of the people who will actually be present. You were perfectly right in your case with back-biting family members that your cousin should have been called a party (and also invited them to the real wedding, even knowing they couldn't come). But if almost the entire bride's family can't come, while the entire groom's family can, then there are going to be a lot more hurt feelings.
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee
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    You should invite whoever you want at your wedding without taking distance into consideration. By not inviting people but having a consolation party, you're basically saying you didn't want them there to see you get married, but they're good enough to come give you a gift.
    That's true if, and only if, they're not invited to the main wedding. The assumption is that they are ("de-facto excluded" not literally excluded), but you can't ignore practicality and pretend distance isn't a factor when it is: it costs them to attend, and when your families face uneven expenses, it's not the same thing as if they're evenly inconvenienced. One side of the family spends $200 per person to attend (gas + gift); the other side spends $1500 or more to attend (plane ticket + hotel + gift). Feelings are hurt by being left out ("playing favorites"), for which the only resolution is to have the wedding somewhere that is easily accessed by neither family. Yet I hardly call it sensible to require every long-distance family to have a more expensive yet neutral destination wedding. I'm very happy for your family that they could all attend. It's not true for all families, however. 

    The best etiquette is to know your own family and how they'd feel, and make that your main consideration. Frankly, if someone on an online forum is offended by the use of the word "reception," but the actual family is offended by the lack of the work "reception," the obvious thing to do is to go with the comfort of the people who will actually be present. You were perfectly right in your case with back-biting family members that your cousin should have been called a party (and also invited them to the real wedding, even knowing they couldn't come). But if almost the entire bride's family can't come, while the entire groom's family can, then there are going to be a lot more hurt feelings.

    they would get upset if you referred to it as a party? 
    image
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited February 2015
    You should invite whoever you want at your wedding without taking distance into consideration. By not inviting people but having a consolation party, you're basically saying you didn't want them there to see you get married, but they're good enough to come give you a gift.
    That's true if, and only if, they're not invited to the main wedding. The assumption is that they are ("de-facto excluded" not literally excluded), but you can't ignore practicality and pretend distance isn't a factor when it is: it costs them to attend, and when your families face uneven expenses, it's not the same thing as if they're evenly inconvenienced. One side of the family spends $200 per person to attend (gas + gift); the other side spends $1500 or more to attend (plane ticket + hotel + gift). Feelings are hurt by being left out ("playing favorites"), for which the only resolution is to have the wedding somewhere that is easily accessed by neither family. Yet I hardly call it sensible to require every long-distance family to have a more expensive yet neutral destination wedding. I'm very happy for your family that they could all attend. It's not true for all families, however. 

    The best etiquette is to know your own family and how they'd feel, and make that your main consideration. Frankly, if someone on an online forum is offended by the use of the word "reception," but the actual family is offended by the lack of the work "reception," the obvious thing to do is to go with the comfort of the people who will actually be present. You were perfectly right in your case with back-biting family members that your cousin should have been called a party (and also invited them to the real wedding, even knowing they couldn't come). But if almost the entire bride's family can't come, while the entire groom's family can, then there are going to be a lot more hurt feelings.
    ** BOXES **

    Actually, many people in my family would have gone to the wedding in Alabama. They were hurt that the B&G assumed they wouldn't come, just as you are doing with your example.

  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA
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    edited February 2015
    CMGragain said:
    Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?
    You are NOT having a second wedding reception.  You only get one wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day.  It is for your guests.
    You are having a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress. No wedding traditions.  It is OK to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  Have a great party!  Just don't pretend to be a bride.  You will be a married woman.  Celebrate it.
    re·cep·tion
    rəˈsepSH(ə)n/
    noun
    1. 2.
      a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.

    Her usage of the term "reception" (nowhere did she use the phrase "wedding reception") is correct. So I don't understand what you're throwing a conniption fit about.
    smash0928spockforprez
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    tj&cw said:
    Hi

    We are having a second reception, ave a bunch of people that we cant invite. I am planning on wearing a cocktail dress for the second one. 
    Are you saying that people you did NOT invite to your wedding you ARE inviting to a party recognizing your wedding you chose NOT to invite them to in the first place? That is incredibly rude.
    ashley8918
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet
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    CMGragain said:
    Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?
    You are NOT having a second wedding reception.  You only get one wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day.  It is for your guests.
    You are having a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress. No wedding traditions.  It is OK to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  Have a great party!  Just don't pretend to be a bride.  You will be a married woman.  Celebrate it.
    re·cep·tion
    rəˈsepSH(ə)n/
    noun
    1. 2.
      a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.

    Her usage of the term "reception" (nowhere did she use the phrase "wedding reception") is correct. So I don't understand what you're throwing a kiniption fit about.
    So when people ask, she's going to explain that it's a reception but not a wedding reception? Except that she's having the reception to celebrate her wedding. Which is a wedding reception. Except you can't have a wedding reception without it following the ceremony.

    Words. They mean stuff. Use them correctly in adult-land.

    And I can't listen to anyone who dumbs down a conversation with the word conniption (or kiniption wtf that is).

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    Anniversary
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    ashley8918
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA
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    edited February 2015
    Why does she have to explain a reception at all? I didn't have to explain to anyone about a party not being a birthday party even though it's near someone's birthday.

    She is having a reception. Words. They mean stuff. That's the correct meaning. Why you're trying to argue that it's not I have no idea.

    And gee, I hope I don't have any accidental misspellings in this post. Because that's the worst thing ever and totally the best thing to harp on.
  • To the OP- wear whatever you like! I would match it to the formality of the event, but there are no "rules". You don't have to wear white (just like you really don't have to wear white for your wedding).

    A reception is another word for a formal party (so also not offensive to call it a party) where the hosts receive guests. Not wrong to call this a reception, the OP never said wedding reception, she never said wedding. We haven't seen her invitations so we shouldn't judge how she is using the word. There is no "ceremony" proceeding, so it's obvious it is not a wedding. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    CMGragain said:
    Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?
    You are NOT having a second wedding reception.  You only get one wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day.  It is for your guests.
    You are having a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress. No wedding traditions.  It is OK to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  Have a great party!  Just don't pretend to be a bride.  You will be a married woman.  Celebrate it.
    re·cep·tion
    rəˈsepSH(ə)n/
    noun
    1. 2.
      a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.

    Her usage of the term "reception" (nowhere did she use the phrase "wedding reception") is correct. So I don't understand what you're throwing a conniption fit about.
    We try to steer people away from using the term "reception" in reference to a party to celebrate their marriage, because when people use the term "reception" to describe this party they also tend to want to have bridal parties, recite vows, do spotlight shit, etc.

    All things that would be inappropriate and awkward because the couples are already married, and this isn't their wedding reception.

    And personally, I think these 2nd receptions/AHR/marrige celebrations/wedding tours are presumptuous and unnecessary.  I think people are overestimating how much other people actually care about their wedding.

    Our wedding was OOT for the majority of DH's extended family, with many of them located in the south.  98% of them came.  We have no intention of traveling south and throwing a 2nd reception for his relatives who couldn't make it to our wedding.  It's just a part of life that not everyone can attend everything.

    Rather than throwing these 2nd receptions it makes more sense to me to personally visit those that you are really bummed missed your wedding and take your album with you to show them in person.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918lovegood90
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    CMGragain said:
    Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?
    You are NOT having a second wedding reception.  You only get one wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day.  It is for your guests.
    You are having a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress. No wedding traditions.  It is OK to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  Have a great party!  Just don't pretend to be a bride.  You will be a married woman.  Celebrate it.
    re·cep·tion
    rəˈsepSH(ə)n/
    noun
    1. 2.
      a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.

    Her usage of the term "reception" (nowhere did she use the phrase "wedding reception") is correct. So I don't understand what you're throwing a kiniption fit about.
    So when people ask, she's going to explain that it's a reception but not a wedding reception? Except that she's having the reception to celebrate her wedding. Which is a wedding reception. Except you can't have a wedding reception without it following the ceremony.

    Words. They mean stuff. Use them correctly in adult-land.

    And I can't listen to anyone who dumbs down a conversation with the word conniption (or kiniption wtf that is).

    image
    One of my favorite things is when people try to lecture us and have no fucking clue how to spell the "educated" word they want to use.

    Anniversary

    Dreamergirl8812ashley8918mikenberger
  • MandyMostMandyMost
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited February 2015
    CMGragain said:
    Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?
    You are NOT having a second wedding reception.  You only get one wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day.  It is for your guests.
    You are having a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress. No wedding traditions.  It is OK to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  Have a great party!  Just don't pretend to be a bride.  You will be a married woman.  Celebrate it.
    re·cep·tion
    rəˈsepSH(ə)n/
    noun
    1. 2.
      a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.

    Her usage of the term "reception" (nowhere did she use the phrase "wedding reception") is correct. So I don't understand what you're throwing a conniption fit about.
    There are lots of receptions other than wedding receptions, but as the above definition says it's to welcome someone, or to celebrate, a particular event. There has to be the EVENT in order to have the reception. For a wedding reception, the event is the wedding ceremony. Academic conferences have receptions that are tied to the EVENT of the conference. Speaking engagements often have receptions that are tied to the EVENT of the speaker speaking. 

    If you are not having an event, then you cannot have a reception. And since you only get married once, you only have one wedding event, you therefore only have one wedding reception. 
    PrettyGirlLostashley8918
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
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    MandyMost said:
    CMGragain said:
    Any other brides out there having 2 receptions? We are having the main reception in Colorado the night of the wedding, and then another reception about a month later in Michigan (my FI is from Michigan so we are having a second reception for his family members that arent able to travel). The Michigan reception is just a Saturday lunch & cocktails type thing. Nothing super formal. I was just wondering if any other brides out there were doing something like this and what they were planning to wear! A more casual white dress/white cocktail dress? Should the bride still be wearing white for one of these things?
    You are NOT having a second wedding reception.  You only get one wedding reception, and that must be on your wedding day.  It is for your guests.
    You are having a party to celebrate your marriage.  No wedding dress. No wedding traditions.  It is OK to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  Have a great party!  Just don't pretend to be a bride.  You will be a married woman.  Celebrate it.
    re·cep·tion
    rəˈsepSH(ə)n/
    noun
    1. 2.
      a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.

    Her usage of the term "reception" (nowhere did she use the phrase "wedding reception") is correct. So I don't understand what you're throwing a conniption fit about.
    There are lots of receptions other than wedding receptions, but as the above definition says it's to welcome someone, or to celebrate, a particular event. There has to be the EVENT in order to have the reception. For a wedding reception, the event is the wedding ceremony. Academic conferences have receptions that are tied to the EVENT of the conference. Speaking engagements often have receptions that are tied to the EVENT of the speaker speaking. 

    If you are not having an event, then you cannot have a reception. And since you only get married once, you only have one wedding event, you therefore only have one wedding reception. 
    image

    image
    PrettyGirlLostashley8918
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    edited February 2015
    Good job ladies. Spelling errors and semantics are totally what this topic is about. A+.

    OP: I think we've covered that you can wear whatever you darn please. I feel that you can see how it may be confusing to some people to use certain wording. I think it may be helpful (and you'll probably get better help) if you refer to this welcome home reception as a "celebration of marriage" party.

    Basically you just plan for it and treat it much the same as any other party that you may throw.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    Good job ladies. Spelling errors and semantics are totally what this topic is about. A+. OP: I think we've covered that you can wear whatever you darn please. I feel that you can see how it may be confusing to some people to use certain wording. I think it may be helpful (and you'll probably get better help) if you refer to this welcome home reception as a "celebration of marriage" party. Basically you just plan for it and treat it much the same as any other party that you may throw.
    Well sometimes semantics are important.  This was one of those times, IMO.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited February 2015
    You should invite whoever you want at your wedding without taking distance into consideration. By not inviting people but having a consolation party, you're basically saying you didn't want them there to see you get married, but they're good enough to come give you a gift.
    That's true if, and only if, they're not invited to the main wedding. The assumption is that they are ("de-facto excluded" not literally excluded), but you can't ignore practicality and pretend distance isn't a factor when it is: it costs them to attend, and when your families face uneven expenses, it's not the same thing as if they're evenly inconvenienced. One side of the family spends $200 per person to attend (gas + gift); the other side spends $1500 or more to attend (plane ticket + hotel + gift). Feelings are hurt by being left out ("playing favorites"), for which the only resolution is to have the wedding somewhere that is easily accessed by neither family. Yet I hardly call it sensible to require every long-distance family to have a more expensive yet neutral destination wedding. I'm very happy for your family that they could all attend. It's not true for all families, however. 

    The best etiquette is to know your own family and how they'd feel, and make that your main consideration. Frankly, if someone on an online forum is offended by the use of the word "reception," but the actual family is offended by the lack of the work "reception," the obvious thing to do is to go with the comfort of the people who will actually be present. You were perfectly right in your case with back-biting family members that your cousin should have been called a party (and also invited them to the real wedding, even knowing they couldn't come). But if almost the entire bride's family can't come, while the entire groom's family can, then there are going to be a lot more hurt feelings.
    ------------------------ Boxes and paragraphs, oh my------------------Sorry to pile on but I have to address this. Oh, woe are people who live in different states from a couple getting married. Left out? Really? People make all sorts of life choices that put distance into family and they get bent out of shape over weddings? Folks need some cheese with their whine. 
    Look, my entire extended family lives in England and most don't have the money or health to travel to the states for weddings. In both my and my sister's cases, we told them there'd be a wedding and said folks could come, and to let us know if they could.  One year after my sister's wedding, we flew over and had a "family reunion"- literal title of event-- where my new BIL got to meet the extended family. This group has not yet met my husband. Hopefully some will this fall when he and I take a trip.
    Why a family reunion would become a "celebration of marriage" just because a couple happened to get married is beyond me. 
    ________________________________


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