Bridesmaid... Maid of Honor... Matron of Honor...???

apriljean88 · February 2015

I may be stressing out about this too much but I have three girls I want to ask to be in my wedding party and I can't settle on a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor... My friendships with each of these friends are very different. One has been one of my best friends since the end of high school. She is getting married in May and I am her MOH. We haven't lived in the same city in a long time but every time we get the time together it is like nothing has changed. Another one I've been very close with since I started working at my current job, she helped me through a rough move and the end of my last relationship. She is currently working as a travel nurse so I don't see her as much as we had previously, but like with my first friend we've remained very close. The third is definitely the friend that I share the most with currently. We really have only been close for the past year but I have come to consider her one of my best friends as well. I toyed with the idea of having the first friend as my Matron of Honor, my second friend as my Maid of Honor and my newest friend as my bridesmaid but I don't want her to be hurt by that or take it as me saying my friendship with her means less to me. However, now the friend who would have been my Maid of Honor in this scenario is possibly getting married in September (before my October wedding). I really just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - they are all extremely important to me.

JoanE2012 · February 2015

You can have them all bridesmaids or all matron/maids of honor. There is no rule about how many you can have. There is no more or less responsibility with any title. They just have to show up in a dress standing next to you on the day of your wedding.

novella1186 · February 2015

You don't have to have any MOH at all, or you can have more than 1. It's up to you. The point of calling someone your MOH is just to honor them, just like making someone your BM is to honor them. I think too much pressure is put on these titles.

And the fact that these girls are getting married is irrelevant to your wedding and to you honoring them. This is YOUR wedding, you do what YOU want and don't worry about other weddings affecting your decisions.

MollyandD · February 2015

Ditto the others. You don't have to have any as a maid/matron of honor, nor do are you limited to just one person of honor.

I considered not having a maid or matron of honor, but ended up having my best friend in that roll. We have known each other for years, done crazy and stupid stuff together, hidden in tornado shelters during storms together, and we just have so much fun together. I felt torn, because I have two sisters and other really great friends in the bridal party. I just chose the girl that I felt deserved a little special honor for being so supportive through many, many years.

AddieCake · February 2015

Just skip the titles altogether. They all do the same thing anyway.

floridabride44 · February 2015

apriljean88 said:

I may be stressing out about this too much but I have three girls I want to ask to be in my wedding party and I can't settle on a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor... My friendships with each of these friends are very different. One has been one of my best friends since the end of high school. She is getting married in May and I am her MOH. We haven't lived in the same city in a long time but every time we get the time together it is like nothing has changed. Another one I've been very close with since I started working at my current job, she helped me through a rough move and the end of my last relationship. She is currently working as a travel nurse so I don't see her as much as we had previously, but like with my first friend we've remained very close. The third is definitely the friend that I share the most with currently. We really have only been close for the past year but I have come to consider her one of my best friends as well. I toyed with the idea of having the first friend as my Matron of Honor, my second friend as my Maid of Honor and my newest friend as my bridesmaid but I don't want her to be hurt by that or take it as me saying my friendship with her means less to me. However, now the friend who would have been my Maid of Honor in this scenario is possibly getting married in September (before my October wedding). I really just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - they are all extremely important to me.

Why is that relevant? Is she now not worthy of being your Maid of Honor because she's getting married a month before you? Remember, bridesmaid's don't have "duties" so her planning her own September wedding will not affect her role as MOH whatsoever. As long as she shows up in the dress, relatively sober, and poses for pictures, she's done her job. And as MOH she might have to hold your bouquet and sign your marriage license. Explain to me how the fact that she's getting married one month before you affects any of that?

Make all three of them MOHs. Or have 3 BMs and no MOH. I think you should just consider yourself lucky to have three close friends who are all equally important to you. This is not a problem.

jenijoyk · February 2015

My three besties were all BMs. I had no MOH, and my DH had no BM. When it got down to it, those titles struck us as kind of silly. Like we were supposed to crown someone most important? I say go egalitarian. My BMs all planned my showerette together (because they are the best), they call stood up and gave a toast together (again, because they are amazing and awesome), and they walked down the aisle tallest to shortest (to pick some arbitrary way to order them, and also, because I'm shorter than all three of them and this way I looked taller, or at least, in my head I did).

sassyfrass2014 · February 2015

jenijoyk said:

My three besties were all BMs. I had no MOH, and my DH had no BM. When it got down to it, those titles struck us as kind of silly. Like we were supposed to crown someone most important? I say go egalitarian. My BMs all planned my showerette together (because they are the best), they call stood up and gave a toast together (again, because they are amazing and awesome), and they walked down the aisle tallest to shortest (to pick some arbitrary way to order them, and also, because I'm shorter than all three of them and this way I looked taller, or at least, in my head I did).

I'm having a similar issue (choosing friends to give a "best of" title... which is silly!) to OP. But this is a GREAT idea! I love tallest to shortest.

apriljean88 · February 2015

hsgator said:

apriljean88 said:

I may be stressing out about this too much but I have three girls I want to ask to be in my wedding party and I can't settle on a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor... My friendships with each of these friends are very different. One has been one of my best friends since the end of high school. She is getting married in May and I am her MOH. We haven't lived in the same city in a long time but every time we get the time together it is like nothing has changed. Another one I've been very close with since I started working at my current job, she helped me through a rough move and the end of my last relationship. She is currently working as a travel nurse so I don't see her as much as we had previously, but like with my first friend we've remained very close. The third is definitely the friend that I share the most with currently. We really have only been close for the past year but I have come to consider her one of my best friends as well. I toyed with the idea of having the first friend as my Matron of Honor, my second friend as my Maid of Honor and my newest friend as my bridesmaid but I don't want her to be hurt by that or take it as me saying my friendship with her means less to me. However, now the friend who would have been my Maid of Honor in this scenario is possibly getting married in September (before my October wedding). I really just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - they are all extremely important to me.

Why is that relevant? Is she now not worthy of being your Maid of Honor because she's getting married a month before you? Remember, bridesmaid's don't have "duties" so her planning her own September wedding will not affect her role as MOH whatsoever. As long as she shows up in the dress, relatively sober, and poses for pictures, she's done her job. And as MOH she might have to hold your bouquet and sign your marriage license. Explain to me how the fact that she's getting married one month before you affects any of that?

Make all three of them MOHs. Or have 3 BMs and no MOH. I think you should just consider yourself lucky to have three close friends who are all equally important to you. This is not a problem.

I feel like this is a stretch to even make the accusation that my question related anything to any of these girls not being worthy or "unable to complete the duties" due to their own obligations. Their weddings affect the arbitrary titles that are typically placed on your bridal party and is relevant to my situation because each of these girls has had the maid/matron of honor discussion with me when talking of their own weddings, so I know that they take the titles as being an extra honor. This question was presented primarily looking for a way to honor each of these girls equally without hurting any of their feelings. They are all from across the country and I am thrilled that they will each be at my wedding, nothing more is expected of any of them. Honestly, I was hoping for unique ideas to honor my favorite girls.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

The title of Bridesmaid is an honor. If you want to go further, make them all MOH. There's no rule on how many you can have or you don't need an MOH at all.

It sounds like you know who you want but you're trying to play the wedding politics game since you're friend #1's MOH, etc. Weddings aren't tit for tat. Just ask who you want. Or if you cant get past the "first" aspect, give them all the same title, whatever that may be.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

Another vote to just not assign the titles. While technically I had a Matron of Honor and DH had a Best Man, nobody would have known (aside from who stood immediately next to us) because I listed them all in the program alphabetically under the heading "Wedding Party".

If you choose not to assign a honor title, there are plenty of ways to sort things in the program, if you have a program.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

So much stress over silly, trivial things!

The titles don't mean a damn thing unless you have programs, because that's the only place the titles will ever be linked to these ladies' names. And honestly I find programs to be unnecessary and a waste of money.

And even if you have programs and give people titles, the titles of MOH and BM by themselves are pretty much meaningless unless you are having a Catholic ceremony, because then the MOH does actually have a "duty" that differs from the rest of the BMs. . . she stands up at the altar with you.

Other than that, a MOH and a BM do exactly the same thing during a wedding ceremony- wear a dress, walk down an aisle with a bouquet, take pictures with the couple.

By asking each of those ladies to be in your wedding party you ARE honoring them equally.

jerseykisses · February 2015

Not sure if this helps any, but I have three sisters whom I am all very close to. I am having them all as Matron/Maids of Honor, in addition to my three BMs and one JBM. The order for the MOHs will be by age, so older sister first, etc. No point in making one of them feel any "less" than the other because of a title. Give it to all three :-)

MyNameIsNot · February 2015

hsgator said:

apriljean88 said:

I may be stressing out about this too much but I have three girls I want to ask to be in my wedding party and I can't settle on a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor... My friendships with each of these friends are very different. One has been one of my best friends since the end of high school. She is getting married in May and I am her MOH. We haven't lived in the same city in a long time but every time we get the time together it is like nothing has changed. Another one I've been very close with since I started working at my current job, she helped me through a rough move and the end of my last relationship. She is currently working as a travel nurse so I don't see her as much as we had previously, but like with my first friend we've remained very close. The third is definitely the friend that I share the most with currently. We really have only been close for the past year but I have come to consider her one of my best friends as well. I toyed with the idea of having the first friend as my Matron of Honor, my second friend as my Maid of Honor and my newest friend as my bridesmaid but I don't want her to be hurt by that or take it as me saying my friendship with her means less to me. However, now the friend who would have been my Maid of Honor in this scenario is possibly getting married in September (before my October wedding). I really just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - they are all extremely important to me.

Why is that relevant? Is she now not worthy of being your Maid of Honor because she's getting married a month before you? Remember, bridesmaid's don't have "duties" so her planning her own September wedding will not affect her role as MOH whatsoever. As long as she shows up in the dress, relatively sober, and poses for pictures, she's done her job. And as MOH she might have to hold your bouquet and sign your marriage license. Explain to me how the fact that she's getting married one month before you affects any of that?

Make all three of them MOHs. Or have 3 BMs and no MOH. I think you should just consider yourself lucky to have three close friends who are all equally important to you. This is not a problem.

I think the issue is that this girl would now be Matron, not Maid, because she would be married.

It seems like OP was somehow convinced that she was supposed to have one MaidOH, one MatronOH, and the rest BMs. Obviously, that's silly.

lovemesomemonster · February 2015

I agree with everyone on here.. if there isn't one obvious choice that you want to make MOH then just don't have one? Or make them all one? This was easy for me, I have been best friends with mine since we were 12, I stood next to her in her wedding, and she will do the same in mine.. for her wedding I was maid of honor and her sis was matron of honor, we worked on all of the planning together with the other two BMs but really it doesn't matter. Whoever stands next to you will hold the ring, vows (if you write your own) and your bouquet, and fix your train, other than that they are all doing the same thing anyways and I'm guessing you love them all to have asked them to be in your wedding.

Bridesmaid... Maid of Honor... Matron of Honor...???

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