Pre-wedding Parties

OOT Bachelorette

I have 3 bridesmaids that would like to plan a bachelorette party for me. All 3 have been married and I helped plan OOT bachelorette parties for each of them. Two were in Vegas and one in a resort town an hour from where she lived. They all live in other cities and have been asking where I would like my bachelorette party to be because they would like to plan one for me. Because we had such a good time, I would like to go back to the resort town where one of my bridesmaids has her bachelorette party.

Here's the thing: I know OOT bachelorette parties are more expensive for your friends who live in your city, but b/c I live in an expensive city, it is actually cheaper for my bridal party if it's OOT, so they don't have to book expensive hotel rooms and drinks and food are much more expensive in my city. Also, getting into this city on a Friday in the spring/ summer can be a nightmare traffic-wise. I would say 1/4 of my list to invite to the bachelorette is in town and 3/4 of it is out of town. Some of my girl friends in town have asked about where my bachelorette party is going to be and when I mentioned OOT, they have audibly groaned. These people who have complained to me in the past about OOT bachelorette parties, and I want to make it very clear to them that they are NOT expected to come if they cannot afford it or do not want to take the time to come. 

The bridesmaid planning the bachelorette party is about to send an email announcing the plans and trying gauge interest and date availability. How can I make it clear that though I would love for them to come, I do not in anyway expect people to go out of their way to attend? Should I contact my friends who hate OOT bachelorette parties ahead of time and let them know this? Should I not even invite those who hate OOT bachelorette parties? After all these posts about OOT bachelorette parties, I just want to make sure that I am not seeming like a bridezilla who expects people to spend money on her. My bridesmaids are offering this party because this what is normal within our social circle, but obviously I have friends in multiple social circles.      

Re: OOT Bachelorette

  • I wouldn't worry about it. It seems like your BMs have offered to plan an OOT bachelorette party, and you have accepted. Beyond giving them an invite list, that's where your involvement in the planning ends. As for the others, I would trust that everyone knows that an invitation isn't a summons and they don't have to go if they don't want to. Just leave it alone, and have a good time. If anyone gripes, or says they can't make it, just simply say "No problem, hopefully you can still make the wedding."
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • I wouldn't worry about it. It seems like your BMs have offered to plan an OOT bachelorette party, and you have accepted. Beyond giving them an invite list, that's where your involvement in the planning ends. As for the others, I would trust that everyone knows that an invitation isn't a summons and they don't have to go if they don't want to. Just leave it alone, and have a good time. If anyone gripes, or says they can't make it, just simply say "No problem, hopefully you can still make the wedding."
    This.
  • I would probably say:

    "Hey In-Town Friend! Just so you know, OOT BM has decided to throw me a bachelorette party in X city. I know you hate OOT bachelorette parties, so I totally understand if you can't make it. I'd love to have you there but it's definitely not required. If you can't make it, maybe we can go out for a girl's night in town another weekend!"

    And obviously that girls night would not be a bachelorette party, since you don't need two and shouldn't throw yourself one anyway - just a fun night out with your in-town girls so you can spend some extra time with them and let them know there's no hard feelings about declining the OOT bach party. 
    --

  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    hsgator said:
    I would probably say:

    "Hey In-Town Friend! Just so you know, OOT BM has decided to throw me a bachelorette party in X city. I know you hate OOT bachelorette parties, so I totally understand if you can't make it. I'd love to have you there but it's definitely not required. If you can't make it, maybe we can go out for a girl's night in town another weekend!"

    And obviously that girls night would not be a bachelorette party, since you don't need two and shouldn't throw yourself one anyway - just a fun night out with your in-town girls so you can spend some extra time with them and let them know there's no hard feelings about declining the OOT bach party. 
    I probably wouldn't say that to my friend.  I would probably just let the ladies planning handle it.  If they don't want to come, they don't have to. 
    image
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