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Trying My Best

kmbay84kmbay84 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited February 2015 in Chit Chat

Has anyone ever felt that they were thankful that they would not have to experience this wedding planning again, hopefully?  I am trying not to be stressed out, but I am and being in grad school does not help matters.  I am trying to be as money conscious for my bridesmaids as possible while trying to stay within our budget.  I am buying their bridesmaid dresses, chipping in for hair/make-up if they so choose and that of which I am leaving as optional, was going to take care of jewelry if I decide that that's important, and cover the rehearsal dinner as well as the bridesmaid's breakfast and lunch on the wedding day.  I was just going to suggest silver shoes and if they already have them, great, otherwise any silver shoe is fine with me.  They don't have to match.  The wedding is five hours away since my family except for my parents is basically there, so they will need to get a hotel room.  I am not expecting either of my out of town bridesmaids to attend the bridal shower and bachelorette party because I know that is an added expense.


I do feel bad that all of them will have to get hotel rooms and possibly rental cars for the out of town bridesmaids.  I did tell them where the wedding would be when I asked them.  I did offer to pick them up at the airport and was going to try and coordinate carpooling as much as possible.  We are also saying suits since they are cheaper than tuxes for the guys.  Could I be doing anything more?  I would love to help out with lodging, but that is not in our budget.  I am just want to say screw it, and have the wedding day be here already so we could enjoy it and then go on our honeymoon.  I really am trying my best to be as financially mindful for the wedding party as possible.    


One of my out of town bridesmaids was talking about what to get me for a present and told her not to worry about it.  I told her that her just being there would be present enough and I don't need anything more.  It also doesn't help that there is silly friendship drama surrounding the wedding.  I am not sure one will come since another friend is in the wedding party.  *sigh* That makes me feel like crap and like a terrible person for asking that other friend to be in the wedding party.  Man that stings.  This is supposed to be a joyous time and it's just been stressful, hurtful, and not very fun at all.  I would say the most fun part has been my FI and I driving to the wedding city and looking at chapels and reception venues. 

*Deep breath*  It will all be all right.  I know the big day will not be perfect and something is bound to go wrong, but it will be ok because I will have married my FI and he will be by my side.  

Thanks for listening!

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Re: Trying My Best

  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Here, this is for you: 
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    And:
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    Or, if you're like me: 
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  • anjemonanjemon member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm sorry it's stressful and not very fun. Try to concentrate on all the fun stuff instead of the not fun stuff.

    For your wedding, are any of your bridesmaids good enough friends that they can share a car? One rental would cut down on costs. Other than that I think you're being really considerate and helpful. They knew there would be costs associated with being a BM when they agreed (most people assume they have to buy a dress) so they are probably okay with the little bit you're asking them to spend. 
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    Aww...thank you @novella1186!  Puppies, wine, and hard liquor, what a perfect combination! :)  Definitely appreciated!

    Thanks @anjemon!  Nah, not so much.  I mean I would say friends, but not extremely close friends.  The two flying in are coming from different parts of the country and the other three have their own families/SOs.  That is a good idea though!  I did offer to pick them up and then carpool, but I don't think they want me to have to worry about dropping them back off the day after the wedding. 

    Thank you for your support ladies!  It means a lot!

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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Also, @anjemon, I am in the twin cities too!
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Hope you can relax and enjoy the process.  You are being really accommodating to your bridesmaids and are going above and beyond by purchasing the dress and extra amenities (jewelry, hair,etc--those are not required to begin with so you taking it upon yourself is very generous).  I am sure when you told them where it would be they took into consideration the cost of travel.  Try not to stress over things you cannot control.  You can always suggest roommates to help lower the hotel cost/share a rental car, but after that it is not your responsibility so do not stress over it.     

    A "friend" who would not come to your wedding because of another person is in the wedding party is not a friend at all.  You never should alter your wedding party based off another person.  A real friend will put the drama and bullshit away for the day and be genuinely happy for you.     
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    Anniversary
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  • floridabride44floridabride44 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    It sounds like the financial stuff is really getting to you, which I completely understand (I had major sticker shock after getting quotes from venues and realizing how much the venue/food/booze alone was going to cost) so I think cutting back on the unnecessary stuff might help you. Like the hair/makeup and jewelery for your bridesmaids. Matching jewelry really won't make any impact on your wedding day, I promise. And if you make hair/makeup optional, then it's 100% fine for you to not take on that cost. If your BMs choose to get theirs done, then they should be willing to cover that cost. If not, they'll look just fine in your photos even when doing their own hair/makeup.

    It's so nice of you to be worried about the financial burden on your WP, but as long as you haven't required them to do anything besides buy a dress in their budget and show up on your wedding day, then you are doing the right thing. They are adults and if it wasn't in their budget to attend your wedding, they would have told you it wasn't possible.

    Have a glass of wine (or two or five) and start getting excited that you get to marry the love of your life, and that you have awesome friends who want to stand by your side, even if it's going to cost them some $$$.
    --

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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2015

    Aww..thanks ladies!  I am trying.  A couple are sharing hotel rooms.

    Thanks @erinlin25 for the words of encouragement for the friendship thing!  That is true and I need to remember that.  Thanks for the kind words.

    Thanks @hsgator!  I am leaving hair/make-up optional and even chipping in for those that do decide to get theirs done professionally.  A couple are not and that is perfectly ok.  Yeah, I am not really concerned with the jewelry.  I would either just say wear whatever you want if you want or buy something for all of them to wear so they don't have to worry about it.  Yeah, I am not expecting my OOT bridesmaids to attend the bridal shower or bachelorette party if there is one.  Of course, it's not an expectation for anyone to attend.  Nor am I giving them anything extra to do in preparation for the wedding.  I am having a rehearsal dinner the night before at the chapel and then dinner at the hotel/restaurant that we are covering, but that's about it.  If they can't attend that, then that's ok too. 

    Anyway, thanks for the kind words!

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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I know it's stressful, but you're doing a good job. I hated asking my friends to spend money on our wedding. Even at David's Bridal, BM dresses are not a small chunk of change. One friend ended up finding something close on ebay for like $5. It ended up matching better than I intended because one friend and my sister got the color they were "supposed to", and my niece got the wrong color which ended up being really close to the ebay dress. Cool, done. 

    Guys were asked to buy a certain shade of shirt and then wear a gray suit. We bought their ties. One mistakenly thought dark gray suit so he kind of stood out like a sore thumb. Another lost his tie so his wife brought him a solid yellow one he had (as opposed to the blue and yellow striped ones we bought). It was surprisingly not noticeable. So I think avoiding matchiness helps everyone out a lot. Less decisions and stress for you, less cost and more freedom for them, everyone's happy.

    I had OOT friends and they stayed with me a day or two before the wedding. If that's feasible at all I would do that. Otherwise they talked about sharing a hotel room but I liked having them around. H was kicked out the night before which made room for them. 
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