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Bachelor Party "Etiquette"

So my FI has a group of friends that he has known since college and has spent his 20's and early 30's drinking in bars with. One of these friends is getting married and FI  is invited to an OOT bachelor party next month. Because we have so much going on this spring/summer, I asked him to find out when the wedding is, so that I could add it to my calendar and plan around it. He said that we shouldn't count on being invited to the wedding because it's pretty common for these guys to invite guys who aren't invited to the wedding to the bachelor party. He then noted that he will probably do the same thing for his bachelor party because we won't be able to invite the entire 15/20+ group of guys to our wedding.

Of course that sets of my etiquette alarm and I immediately said "you can't do that!". I know that guys are dumb about these things, but do I really need to put up a fight with him about this or should I just let it go? On the one hand, FI has noted that he is really happy that I am ensuring that our wedding is going by the book etiquette-wise so that we aren't upsetting people. On the otherhand, its a bunch of guys and it's just an excuse to drink and hang out for them. They don't get pissed off about that kind of thing-at least that is what FI says. What would you do?

Re: Bachelor Party "Etiquette"

  • I can understand why this seems wrong, but in my experience guys view these types of things completely differently.  Just like you mention, it's "a bunch of guys and just and excuse to drink and hang out."  I would let him approach his bachelor party however he wants.
  • A bachelor party is sort of an unofficial wedding event so it is perfectly acceptable for people not invited to the wedding to go.  It truly is just a night to go out and celebrate.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • A bachelor party is sort of an unofficial wedding event so it is perfectly acceptable for people not invited to the wedding to go.  It truly is just a night to go out and celebrate.


    No.  A bachelor party is a pre-wedding event just the same as a bridal shower, engagement party or bachelorette party is a pre-wedding event.  So it is best to keep the invite lists for these events to wedding invitees only.

  • A bachelor party is sort of an unofficial wedding event so it is perfectly acceptable for people not invited to the wedding to go.  It truly is just a night to go out and celebrate.

    Actually it's a pre wedding party, official? unofficial? I don't know about all that, but anyone invited to a pre wedding party is to be invited to the wedding.
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  • Nobody should be invited to any pre-wedding parties and then not be invited to the wedding. But it's your fiance's call since it's his party. I wouldn't fight him on it, personally. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I think FI will be having a similar one. There's guys he has been friends with for years when they all got married for the 1st time in their early 20s. He doesn't hang with them super often now but occasionally for drinks. I am sure the best man will invite these guys even though we are having a small wedding and they're not on the list. I think it is weird but I'm leaving that to him.
  • I would educate but realize you can't make him do the etiquette approved thing. We have no wedding party but my fiance wants a bachelor party because he misses his friends; literally no male friends where we live, they are all in Iowa where they went to school.

    So he said he would "get the guys" together. I explained it should be a non-wedding-related get together and other people should not pay for him.

    I don't think he was happy about this and I think he'll do what he wants. I can't do anything about it in this case so I'm letting it go.

    He at least can't say he wasn't informed.
  • It's still an etiquette violation, but I could see his way of thinking for a local event. I've been to a b-party for a girl who got married in Vegas and didn't invite any of us, and I didn't really consider it a huge deal. (Yes, I recognize the breach, but it doesn't rise to the level of a cash bar in my book.) 

    But for an out of town bach-party, I'd be pretty put off. You can't control your FI, but I would strongly discourage him from a travel bach-party if he's going to invite guys who aren't invited to the wedding. To me, that's a whole different level. That's a lot more time and money than a simple night at the bar with the guys. 
  • Yeah that's ^^ kind of where I am. It offends me personally, but FIs excited about the trip. I'm educating him about the etiquette behind ore wedding parties, but letting him make his own decisions (obviously). I love the comment "just because he has a penis...." Hahahaha.
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