Pre-wedding Parties

Invitation Wording for Out of Town Bride

I'm hosting a bridal shower for my sister in Chicago, but my sister lives in San Francisco.  Chicago is our hometown, so we having the shower here.  The trouble is, I'm worried about the gifts.  It's a kitchen theme shower, and my sister doesn't really have a way to bring all of the gifts back home to SF with her. So here is my question - is it ok to use an invite insert suggesting guests ship gifts directly to her, not bring to the shower?  If so, how would you suggest I word the insert?  

Thank you for the help!!

Re: Invitation Wording for Out of Town Bride

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited February 2015
    jdblnn said:
    I'm hosting a bridal shower for my sister in Chicago, but my sister lives in San Francisco.  Chicago is our hometown, so we having the shower here.  The trouble is, I'm worried about the gifts.  It's a kitchen theme shower, and my sister doesn't really have a way to bring all of the gifts back home to SF with her. So here is my question - is it ok to use an invite insert suggesting guests ship gifts directly to her, not bring to the shower?  If so, how would you suggest I word the insert?  

    Thank you for the help!!
    No, unfortunately that isn't o.k. You have a few options. You can have the shower where your sister lives and whomever can make it (including her San Francisco friends) makes it, or let it go and realize that your sister and her fiance are adults and can figure out how to ship gifts. If your sister decides that it's too much of a hassle she'll decline the shower.

    Another option is to make it less of a burden by not making it themed. That way, people can choose what they like from her registry, and possibly choose something that may be easily transported. You could also just make it a recipe gathering.
  • A kitchen theme sounds like a horrible idea for an out of town bride!

    That being said, all of the gifts could be returned and re-purchased in her city when she flies home.


  • What you are suggesting is not acceptable.  There are many package places that will wrap and ship the gifts.  I don't understand the point of having a shower in Chicago for a San Francisco bride.
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  • I had a similar situation, only i was the bride. as others have said, following proper etiquette would mean not telling guests to skip their gifts. And, from personal experience, a shower without physical gifts is weird and awkward. The bride accepting the shower means she's accepting the responsibility to get things home. Things that CAN be done to help: bride can check an extra bag on the plane for gifts (flying Southwest with 2 free bags helps, or packing light so she has space in her bag), you can gift her the checked bag fee instead of/in addition to something from her registry, removing the theme so guests are free to choose anything small and easy to transport (I'm sure they all know she'll be traveling), if the wedding is in SF you can offer to bring excess gifts yourself when you go to the wedding, if she comes to Chicago yearly/for Christmas/etc. she can leave some things to pick up later, she can ship the gifts herself, or she can return gifts then re-buy them in SF
    CMGragainredoryxkmmssg
  • The point of a shower is to open gifts at the shower. Asking people to ship their gifts isn't appropriate. 

    Your sister should pack light in a big suitcase and bring an extra suitcase to pack additional items. Anything she can't fit, she can ship ground (cheaper). If the gifts are really huge/heavy, she could return them in Chicago and re-buy them in San Francisco.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If your sister has accepted this out of town for her shower then she needs to be prepared to take back or ship the gifts she receives to her home town.  That is just part of having a shower that is not in your home town..

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @southernbelle0915 said, "The point of a shower is to open gifts at the shower. Asking people to ship their gifts isn't appropriate. 

    Your sister should pack light in a big suitcase and bring an extra suitcase to pack additional items. Anything she can't fit, she can ship ground (cheaper). If the gifts are really huge/heavy, she could return them in Chicago and re-buy them in San Francisco."

    @Maggie0829 said, "If your sister has accepted this out of town for her shower then she needs to be prepared to take back or ship the gifts she receives to her home town.  That is just part of having a shower that is not in your home town.."

    This ^^ answers the question and resolves the problem.  You also need to work on the assumption that your guests have brains and can make reasonable decisions on their own.  I hosted a shower here in Chicago for a bride that lives in Seattle.  She came prepared to bring gifts back with her.  A few guests opted to give gift cards.  Some guests gave a small gift with an explanation that it was symbolic of a gift being shipped to her home. (The bride opened a soup ladle and serving spoon with an added explanation that a crock pot was being shipped to her home address.)  Still others opted to gift more light weight gifts such as linens or towels.  I agree that NOT having a themed shower will also lessen the burden for the bride.
    [Deleted User]erinlin25
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No. It is not appropriate to throw a "shower" and expect guests not to bring physical gifts to it or open the gifts while it's going on.

    If you want to throw your sister a shower in Chicago, then you and she will have to accept the necessity of opening all shower gifts while at the shower in Chicago and then shipping them to San Francisco at your sister's or your expense-not your guests'. If that doesn't work for you and/or your sister, I would change the party to one that has no gift-giving expectations. But she would still be responsible for shipping any gifts she does receive back home to San Francisco.
  • MobKaz said:
    @southernbelle0915 said, "The point of a shower is to open gifts at the shower. Asking people to ship their gifts isn't appropriate. 

    Your sister should pack light in a big suitcase and bring an extra suitcase to pack additional items. Anything she can't fit, she can ship ground (cheaper). If the gifts are really huge/heavy, she could return them in Chicago and re-buy them in San Francisco."

    @Maggie0829 said, "If your sister has accepted this out of town for her shower then she needs to be prepared to take back or ship the gifts she receives to her home town.  That is just part of having a shower that is not in your home town.."

    This ^^ answers the question and resolves the problem.  You also need to work on the assumption that your guests have brains and can make reasonable decisions on their own.  I hosted a shower here in Chicago for a bride that lives in Seattle.  She came prepared to bring gifts back with her.  A few guests opted to give gift cards.  Some guests gave a small gift with an explanation that it was symbolic of a gift being shipped to her home. (The bride opened a soup ladle and serving spoon with an added explanation that a crock pot was being shipped to her home address.)  Still others opted to gift more light weight gifts such as linens or towels.  I agree that NOT having a themed shower will also lessen the burden for the bride.
    This!  People are not stupid.  They probably know that someone who lives in San Fran doesn't want a crockpot handed to them in Chicago.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'll just add that I went to two showers for a traveling guest of honor (baby and bridal) and both invites requested that guests ship their gifts to save the guest of honor money. I felt the hosts thought we were idiots and the honored guest cheap. I still snark on it. Please don't do it.
    ________________________________


  • I just went to a shower in this exact same situation and wanting to make it easier for the bide,  we ordered the gift to be shipped to her house and gave her a picture of the gift in a box, wrapped in a box with a wine opener, so that she did get a physical gift at the shower. I think most shower attendees will realize the issues that shipping back gifts present and try to make it as easy as possible on the bride without you having to ask. But I agree, it is rude to ask people to ship their gifts ahead of time.   
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Gift her a large crate and the cost of shipping instead of something from her registry. 
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