Gift Etiquette

ktbabe530 · February 2015

I wanted to post this in the gift board, but it didn't look like there is much activity over there and this is kind of etiquette related too.

Some good friends of mine are getting marring, they are having an engagement party, bridal shower and the wedding. Is it ok to get a small gift for the engagement party and then larger one for the bridal shower? Is that enough or should we bring something to the wedding as well? I do want to attend the pre-wedding events so I know should bring a gift of some sort. I was just think that instead of three smaller ones, maybe one small and one big.

Your advice is greatly appreciated, thanks!

levioosa · February 2015

Gifts are never required, and should never be expected. Give whatever you are comfortable giving. If that means a small gift for the shower and a larger one for the wedding, awesome. If times are a little difficult right now, you are completely within your rights to skip the shower and only give a card with a heartfelt note inside at the wedding.

ohannabelle · February 2015

Engagement parties aren't really gift giving occasions, other than what you'd normally give as a hostess gift- wine or flowers or whatever.

Exactly what Levioosa said about the shower and wedding presents. Thoughtful matters, the size or cost of the gift doesn't.

novella1186 · February 2015

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

kvruns · February 2015

Engagement party I would bring wine/favorite liquor/some consumable type of thing and not a wedding-type gift. Unless you know that person would love XYZ frame or a brand new lemon zester, otherwise just treat it like going for a get together and their house and what you might bring the host.

For shower/wedding I usually just shop for it all at once, with whatever budget I have set and then pick some for the shower and something for wedding. usually whatever is the heaviest/bulkiest I bring to the shower so I don't have to lug it around for the wedding/reception.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

I would give a gift for the shower and wedding, not engagement party. Of the three, E parties are the least likely to be gift-giving events.

redoryx · February 2015

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

novella1186 · February 2015

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

But no one is required to attend the shower. Like if my friend invited me to her shower and I had 0 money to get a gift, I wouldn't feel like I had to sell a kidney or something. I would just decline.

flantastic · February 2015

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

But no one is required to attend the shower. Like if my friend invited me to her shower and I had 0 money to get a gift, I wouldn't feel like I had to sell a kidney or something. I would just decline.

I don't usually send a gift if I can't or won't make the shower.

redoryx · February 2015

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

But no one is required to attend the shower. Like if my friend invited me to her shower and I had 0 money to get a gift, I wouldn't feel like I had to sell a kidney or something. I would just decline.

Oh, totally. I meant, if one attends the shower is a gift then required. Obviously, one can always decline.

novella1186 · February 2015

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

But no one is required to attend the shower. Like if my friend invited me to her shower and I had 0 money to get a gift, I wouldn't feel like I had to sell a kidney or something. I would just decline.

Oh, totally. I meant, if one attends the shower is a gift then required. Obviously, one can always decline.

Yeah, I would think it would be odd to go to a shower empty-handed considering the whole purpose of it is to give a gift. In that case, if I wanted to go to the shower and could only afford one gift, I'd give it then instead of at the wedding.

That being said, if someone showed up to my shower empty-handed, I would definitely not be like "WTF, where's my gift?!" lol

peachy13 · February 2015

My usual go-to for gift giving in this situation is:

E-party: nice bottle of champagne

Shower: something off the registry

Wedding: cash in a card

princessleia22 · February 2015

Like others said, engagement party isn't really a gift-giving event. So, I would probably skip that gift or small hostess gift.

Shower IS a gift event, so I'd get a larger gift or something off the registry.

For the wedding, I usually go with just a card or maybe cash... depending on how much I gave at shower and what I can afford. If I gave a more expensive shower gift, I probably would just do a card at the wedding. I try to avoid giving tangible or larger gifts at the actual wedding because I need to carry it there then they need to arrange to have someone lug all the gifts out of the wedding. So, I figure it's less trouble for everyone to avoid larger gifts at wedding.

SP29 · February 2015

I wouldn't give a gift at the E-party, maybe a bottle of wine. I don't see these events as gift giving events.

If you are choosing between the shower and wedding, I'd gift the gift at the shower. I mean, that gift IS to celebrate their wedding.

weddingcactus · February 2015

Ok, this is exactly why I abhor bridal showers. I feel like they put guests in a tough situation where they feel obligated to give multiple gifts for the marriage if they wish to support the marrying couple. I personally would attend the engagement party and bring a hostess type gift like a bottle of wine. I would probably skip the shower myself, but if I felt obligated to go I'd get something smaller off the registry like kitchen linens. I would then gift something larger for the wedding, but keep it all within whatever budget I'd normally gift.

MandyMost · February 2015

peachy13 said:

My usual go-to for gift giving in this situation is:

E-party: nice bottle of champagne
Shower: something off the registry
Wedding: cash in a card

I've also done nothing or a restaurant gift-card for an engagement party, depending on how the party is set up (at home or a restaurant, formal or casual, big or small, how well I know them, etc.).

The shower you can do something off the Registry, and/or just pick out something nice you like and want to give (i.e. something on super sale) such as a picture frame. If you can't afford any gifts at all, then don't go to the shower.

The wedding I always give a check in a card. If you can't afford that (either because you can't afford any gifts, or because you spent your gift budget on the shower) then just give a card. No worries.

badbnagdway · February 2015

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

But no one is required to attend the shower. Like if my friend invited me to her shower and I had 0 money to get a gift, I wouldn't feel like I had to sell a kidney or something. I would just decline.

Oh, totally. I meant, if one attends the shower is a gift then required. Obviously, one can always decline.

Yeah, I would think it would be odd to go to a shower empty-handed considering the whole purpose of it is to give a gift. In that case, if I wanted to go to the shower and could only afford one gift, I'd give it then instead of at the wedding.

That being said, if someone showed up to my shower empty-handed, I would definitely not be like "WTF, where's my gift?!" lol

I hosted a shower for a friend and one of the guests, who I had never met before, told me she had not brought a gift because she preferred to just get couples a wedding gift and not two separate gifts. I definitely didn't ask her about it, her response was unsolicited and I do not think the bride ever noticed at all. I can see wanting to go to a pre-wedding event but not wanting to buy many different gifts, especially where the shower is within a month of the wedding and you're basically feeling like the couple's slot machine. Frankly, I throw baller showers with themes and free flowing booze, so of course people would want to come.

Engagement parties are not gift giving events. Wedding gifts are never required.

bananasplit472001 · February 2015

badbnagdway said:

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

redoryx said:

novella1186 said:

You don't need to bring anything to the engagement party; no gifts should be expected for that. A few people brought cards and/or an inexpensive bottle of wine to my engagement party, which was great but totally unnecessary.

The shower gift doesn't need to be big or elaborate. If you want to give them something (because it's never required) just give what you can afford.

And for the wedding, again, a gift is not required. You could just write them a nice card if you wanted to. All of this is really up to you, but don't feel obligated!

We always say gifts are never required, but considering showers are gift giving events (I mean, that is the only purpose of having a shower), does that make giving a gift required?

But no one is required to attend the shower. Like if my friend invited me to her shower and I had 0 money to get a gift, I wouldn't feel like I had to sell a kidney or something. I would just decline.

Oh, totally. I meant, if one attends the shower is a gift then required. Obviously, one can always decline.

Yeah, I would think it would be odd to go to a shower empty-handed considering the whole purpose of it is to give a gift. In that case, if I wanted to go to the shower and could only afford one gift, I'd give it then instead of at the wedding.

That being said, if someone showed up to my shower empty-handed, I would definitely not be like "WTF, where's my gift?!" lol

I hosted a shower for a friend and one of the guests, who I had never met before, told me she had not brought a gift because she preferred to just get couples a wedding gift and not two separate gifts. I definitely didn't ask her about it, her response was unsolicited and I do not think the bride ever noticed at all. I can see wanting to go to a pre-wedding event but not wanting to buy many different gifts, especially where the shower is within a month of the wedding and you're basically feeling like the couple's slot machine. Frankly, I throw baller showers with themes and free flowing booze, so of course people would want to come.

Engagement parties are not gift giving events. Wedding gifts are never required.

Technically if you can't afford a gift it is proper etiquette to not attend the shower no matter how awesome it is. With that being said engagement and wedding gifts are optional and your presence all that is needed. I personally would show up with a gift if I was invited to all 3 events as I believe that is proper ettiquette.

mrscomposer · February 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

Technically if you can't afford a gift it is proper etiquette to not attend the shower no matter how awesome it is. With that being said engagement and wedding gifts are optional and your presence all that is needed. I personally would show up with a gift if I was invited to all 3 events as I believe that is proper ettiquette.

Okay, but in the other thread, you said that it's tacky for people to not give a gift. So which is it? Optional, or tacky?

And I don't know about the 'proper etiquette to not attend' if you can't afford a gift. I'd rather see my friends than know they didn't come just because they couldn't afford a gift. If my only thought was towards the gifts I was receiving, I'd be a pretty crappy friend.

bananasplit472001 · February 2015

mrscomposer said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Technically if you can't afford a gift it is proper etiquette to not attend the shower no matter how awesome it is. With that being said engagement and wedding gifts are optional and your presence all that is needed. I personally would show up with a gift if I was invited to all 3 events as I believe that is proper ettiquette.

Okay, but in the other thread, you said that it's tacky for people to not give a gift. So which is it? Optional, or tacky?
And I don't know about the 'proper etiquette to not attend' if you can't afford a gift. I'd rather see my friends than know they didn't come just because they couldn't afford a gift. If my only thought was towards the gifts I was receiving, I'd be a pretty crappy friend.

I said it was my personal opinion to show up with a gift and I personally feel it is tacky to not show up with a gift at all. Etiquette-wise it is optional to give wedding and engagement gifts and shower gifts are not optional when you attend the shower as it is a gift giving event by nature. People typically do not show up to shower gifts if they truly cannot afford to give one.

LtPowers · February 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

I said it was my personal opinion to show up with a gift and I personally feel it is tacky to not show up with a gift at all. Etiquette-wise it is optional to give wedding and engagement gifts and shower gifts are not optional when you attend the shower as it is a gift giving event by nature. People typically do not show up to shower gifts if they truly cannot afford to give one.

Technically, wedding and engagement gifts are "optional" but not at all in the same way. An engagement party is not a gift-giving occasion; a wedding is. So it would be odd to give a gift for the former; and odd not to give a gift for the latter (if you're attending).

Knottie87702627 · February 2015

Technically gift giving is always optional. HOWEVER, our society see's showers and weddings as a gift giving thing. So no, you do not have to give a gift. But, you may feel a bit awkward when the bride is opening gifts at her shower and you don't have one for her. HOWEVER, a gift doesn't have to break the bank. For my friends wedding I was the MOH and I was pretty hard up for cash. I contacted all her family and friends and had them e-mail me a recipe. I typed them out and had them bound. I gave her a cookbook for her shower (it cost $20 and a lot of my time) I also had the contributors send a picture with their recipe. So she has a lovely book of recipes and pictures from those she loves. OR get crafty. There are a billion DIY gifts that I would LOVE to receive on pinterest. Get creative with your gift, it doesn't have to be off her registry. No gift for an engagement party is required. A shower gift is kind of a thing, since the whole shower tradition is to "shower" the bride with gifts for her new home and life. So either get creative and give a special, but inexpensive gift, or give her one gift at the shower and just a card at the wedding. But I would personally not attend a Bridal Shower empty handed.

SammiNJonni · February 2015

I would personally do something smaller for the shower and bigger for the wedding. Engagement parties are not gift giving events I would maybe give a bottle of wine if that.

wrigleyville · February 2015

weddingcactus said:
Ok, this is exactly why I abhor bridal showers. I feel like they put guests in a tough situation where they feel obligated to give multiple gifts for the marriage if they wish to support the marrying couple. I personally would attend the engagement party and bring a hostess type gift like a bottle of wine. I would probably skip the shower myself, but if I felt obligated to go I'd get something smaller off the registry like kitchen linens. I would then gift something larger for the wedding, but keep it all within whatever budget I'd normally gift.

It's a good thing the bridal shower invitation is just an invitation and not a summons.

MandyMost · February 2015

Knottie87702627 said:
Technically gift giving is always optional. HOWEVER, our society see's showers and weddings as a gift giving thing. So no, you do not have to give a gift. But, you may feel a bit awkward when the bride is opening gifts at her shower and you don't have one for her. HOWEVER, a gift doesn't have to break the bank. For my friends wedding I was the MOH and I was pretty hard up for cash. I contacted all her family and friends and had them e-mail me a recipe. I typed them out and had them bound. I gave her a cookbook for her shower (it cost $20 and a lot of my time) I also had the contributors send a picture with their recipe. So she has a lovely book of recipes and pictures from those she loves. OR get crafty. There are a billion DIY gifts that I would LOVE to receive on pinterest. Get creative with your gift, it doesn't have to be off her registry. No gift for an engagement party is required. A shower gift is kind of a thing, since the whole shower tradition is to "shower" the bride with gifts for her new home and life. So either get creative and give a special, but inexpensive gift, or give her one gift at the shower and just a card at the wedding. But I would personally not attend a Bridal Shower empty handed.

The PURPOSE of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. A shower is the only event where a gift is really required. You can hand make something, or bring something really cheap, but you should bring a gift to a shower. Or don't go.

redoryx · February 2015

Knottie87702627 said:
Technically gift giving is always optional. HOWEVER, our society see's showers and weddings as a gift giving thing. So no, you do not have to give a gift. But, you may feel a bit awkward when the bride is opening gifts at her shower and you don't have one for her. HOWEVER, a gift doesn't have to break the bank. For my friends wedding I was the MOH and I was pretty hard up for cash. I contacted all her family and friends and had them e-mail me a recipe. I typed them out and had them bound. I gave her a cookbook for her shower (it cost $20 and a lot of my time) I also had the contributors send a picture with their recipe. So she has a lovely book of recipes and pictures from those she loves. OR get crafty. There are a billion DIY gifts that I would LOVE to receive on pinterest. Get creative with your gift, it doesn't have to be off her registry. No gift for an engagement party is required. A shower gift is kind of a thing, since the whole shower tradition is to "shower" the bride with gifts for her new home and life. So either get creative and give a special, but inexpensive gift, or give her one gift at the shower and just a card at the wedding. But I would personally not attend a Bridal Shower empty handed.

Society sees it that way because the express purpose of a shower is, as you said, to shower the bride with gifts. So, that is the only event where a gift really is expected. So yes, if you can't buy something then make something or find something that fits your budget, but if you can't bring a gift you really shouldn't go. Also, if a bride isn't registering for boxed gifts, she should decline all offers for a shower.

huskypuppy14 · March 2015

redoryx said:
Technically gift giving is always optional. HOWEVER, our society see's showers and weddings as a gift giving thing. So no, you do not have to give a gift. But, you may feel a bit awkward when the bride is opening gifts at her shower and you don't have one for her. HOWEVER, a gift doesn't have to break the bank. For my friends wedding I was the MOH and I was pretty hard up for cash. I contacted all her family and friends and had them e-mail me a recipe. I typed them out and had them bound. I gave her a cookbook for her shower (it cost $20 and a lot of my time) I also had the contributors send a picture with their recipe. So she has a lovely book of recipes and pictures from those she loves. OR get crafty. There are a billion DIY gifts that I would LOVE to receive on pinterest. Get creative with your gift, it doesn't have to be off her registry. No gift for an engagement party is required. A shower gift is kind of a thing, since the whole shower tradition is to "shower" the bride with gifts for her new home and life. So either get creative and give a special, but inexpensive gift, or give her one gift at the shower and just a card at the wedding. But I would personally not attend a Bridal Shower empty handed.

Society sees it that way because the express purpose of a shower is, as you said, to shower the bride with gifts. So, that is the only event where a gift really is expected. So yes, if you can't buy something then make something or find something that fits your budget, but if you can't bring a gift you really shouldn't go. Also, if a bride isn't registering for boxed gifts, she should decline all offers for a shower.

No this is not correct. There is no rule that you must be registered to have a shower. If you don't want boxed gifts, than yes you shouldn't have a shower. Sure, most people who want a shower will register so they can get the things they want, but it's not against etiquette.

When my mom was married, her shower was a surprise and she didn't register because it wasn't common. She also lived with her parents until she was married so she needed everything.

Gift Etiquette

Re: Gift Etiquette

Choose Another Board

Search Boards